4 Weird Condiments Every UK and USA Citizen Needs on Their Dinner Table

4 Weird Condiments Every UK and USA Citizen Needs on Their Dinner Table

Mayonnaise and mustard are so last year.
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Run into your garden right now and peer into your neighbour's kitchen. If you don't have a garden, then drill a hole into your wall and have a peek. Don't bother checking out what they're cooking, no one cares about food anymore.

Zoom your binoculars in on what's next to their plate, because if they're anybody who's anybody, then one of these 4 weird but wonderful condiments should be setting their house on fire! (idiomatically speaking).

4. Mad Dod 357

This mild hot sauce leaves brands like Tabasco and Cholula wishing they'd taken a trip to the flavour factory. It's the perfect mix of tastiness and spice; ideal for appeasing those guests that fear even the slightest touch of chilli.

If you look closely, you can see your neighbour slathering Mad Dog 357 all over his pizza and nipples. Yeah, nipples. It's that good.

3. Ovaltine Blended with Digestive Biscuits

Have you been wondering what that racket through the wall is around dinner time? No, it's not your neighbour pleasuring a lawnmower (that's done quietly before breakfast). It's the trendy noise of a hot, bed-time Ovaltine being united in a whirlwind of fury with a handful of crumbly digestive biscuits.

This happening new condiment goes perfectly with pork, rump steak, or if you're vegan, Weetabix (because let's face it, that's all vegans ever eat. Boring!).

2. Tomato Ketchup

You may not have heard of this one before. Only the most "in" supermarkets like Iceland, Poundland and The Co-Op are stocking this thick, godly juice right now.

The brand taking the front coach of this express train to flavourville is Muir Glen Organic. Their style of ketchup is putting brands like Heinz to shame. I feel like coughing up chunks even typing their sickeningly unfashionable name, let alone dipping my fishsticks in their tomato flavoured garbage!

One dollop of Muir Glen Organic's heavenly red sauce will inspire your chips, enlighten your hot-dog and violently rebirth your burger, no questions asked.

1. Corn Chowder

Money, Corn: they're connected. And they feed back to each other very simply (find out how in the video below).

Have you noticed your neighbour's new Mercedes Beanz humming smoothly into her driveway? Or maybe you've noticed that her boobs have grown into slightly larger, solid, statuesque lumps that remain completely still, no matter how strong the wind? No, that didn't happen to her chesticles because she's stressed out (I think).

It's because she's got a new job, one that pays well enough for plastic surgery and allows her to sit at home listening to Crass albums while she does it. Yeah, she's living the life.

While some people like her are smart enough to get their foot in the door of the fresh-faced, but sure-shot success, corn chowder industry, most are just eating it (and loving it), whether they're being paid to or not.

See, corn chowder is the condiment and the meal. What sick freak would want to sully it's delectable flavour with literally anything else other than more corn chowder? I struggle to imagine...

And now, a short message from our sponsor, Neil Daly:

"Alert! Calling all ambitious, unemployed food addicts! Do you want to get in on the ground floor of this corn chowder explosion? Watch our video and contact me, Neil Daly, to find out how you could become our next corn chowder eating machine! I'm willing to dance."

That about does it for this week's list of very useful things. Now that you've finished reading this article, you can prove to your neighbour (and the rest of the world) that they're not the only cool cats in town, by sharing it on Facebook, Twitter or Reddit. Knowledge withheld is knowledge that smells, don't you know.

Are your dinners grateful? Has the Heinz been left behind(z)? Let us know in the comments!

Cover Image Credit: ytimg

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​An Open Letter To The People Who Don’t Tip Their Servers

This one's for you.
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Dear Person Who Has No Idea How Much The 0 In The “Tip:" Line Matters,

I want to by asking you a simple question: Why?

Is it because you can't afford it? Is it because you are blind to the fact that the tip you leave is how the waiter/waitress serving you is making their living? Is it because you're just lazy and you “don't feel like it"?

Is it because you think that, while taking care of not only your table but at least three to five others, they took too long bringing you that side of ranch dressing? Or is it just because you're unaware that as a server these people make $2.85 an hour plus TIPS?

The average waiter/waitress is only supposed to be paid $2.13 an hour plus tips according to the U.S. Department of Labor.

That then leaves the waiter/waitress with a paycheck with the numbers **$0.00** and the words “Not a real paycheck." stamped on it. Therefore these men and women completely rely on the tips they make during the week to pay their bills.

So, with that being said, I have a few words for those of you who are ignorant enough to leave without leaving a few dollars in the “tip:" line.

Imagine if you go to work, the night starts off slow, then almost like a bomb went off the entire workplace is chaotic and you can't seem to find a minute to stop and breathe, let alone think about what to do next.

Imagine that you are helping a total of six different groups of people at one time, with each group containing two to 10 people.

Imagine that you are working your ass off to make sure that these customers have the best experience possible. Then you cash them out, you hand them a pen and a receipt, say “Thank you so much! It was a pleasure serving you, have a great day!"

Imagine you walk away to attempt to start one of the 17 other things you need to complete, watch as the group you just thanked leaves, and maybe even wave goodbye.

Imagine you are cleaning up the mess that they have so kindly left behind, you look down at the receipt and realize there's a sad face on the tip line of a $24.83 bill.

Imagine how devastated you feel knowing that you helped these people as much as you could just to have them throw water on the fire you need to complete the night.

Now, realize that whenever you decide not to tip your waitress, this is nine out of 10 times what they go through. I cannot stress enough how important it is for people to realize that this is someone's profession — whether they are a college student, a single mother working their second job of the day, a new dad who needs to pay off the loan he needed to take out to get a safer car for his child, your friend, your mom, your dad, your sister, your brother, you.

If you cannot afford to tip, do not come out to eat. If you cannot afford the three alcoholic drinks you gulped down, plus your food and a tip do not come out to eat.

If you cannot afford the $10 wings that become half-off on Tuesdays plus that water you asked for, do not come out to eat.

If you cannot see that the person in front of you is working their best to accommodate you, while trying to do the same for the other five tables around you, do not come out to eat. If you cannot realize that the man or woman in front of you is a real person, with their own personal lives and problems and that maybe these problems have led them to be the reason they are standing in front of you, then do not come out to eat.

As a server myself, it kills me to see the people around me being deprived of the money that they were supposed to earn. It kills me to see the three dollars you left on a $40 bill. It kills me that you cannot stand to put yourself in our shoes — as if you're better than us. I wonder if you realize that you single-handedly ruined part of our nights.

I wonder if maybe one day you will be in our shoes, and I hope to God no one treats you how you have treated us. But if they do, then maybe you'll realize how we felt when you left no tip after we gave you our time.

Cover Image Credit: Hailea Shallock

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My Strange Obsession: Bibibop Addition

I am obsessed with Bibibop.

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I am obsessed with Bibibop.

Sounds strange, right? But it's true.

For those of you who have never had the opportunity to experience Bibibop, Bibibop is an Asian Grill set up similar to Chipotle. You're able to go down the line of food, choosing a base (always go with the purple rice), hot toppings (they all slap), protein (the tofu is to die for), some cold toppings (a great way to try kale for the first time), and a sauce (if you don't get the Yum Yum sauce, you're weird.)

And, let me tell you, the final product is always delicious.

I hadn't been introduced to Bibibop until this past year, but once I tried it for the first time, I never looked back. Now I am constantly craving the taste of the Yum Yum sauce. I usually hit up Bibibop once every two weeks, but if I was rich, I would probably eat it every other day.

Though, admittedly, the prices are pretty good. And they celebrate meatless Mondays with 20% off to anyone who doesn't get meat in their bowl.

Plus, it's pretty healthy. Unlike most restaurants, like Chipotle, where your somewhat healthy meal can instantly become bad for you with the addition of something on the menu, Bibibop's entire menu provides nutritional value and offers gluten-free and vegan options.

Basically, Bibibop is the most underrated and most delicious restaurant in the world, which is why my obsession with it runs so deep. Although I would usually admit that obsessions are unhealthy, I think this one might be okay.

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