4 Weird Condiments Every UK and USA Citizen Needs on Their Dinner Table

4 Weird Condiments Every UK and USA Citizen Needs on Their Dinner Table

Mayonnaise and mustard are so last year.

Run into your garden right now and peer into your neighbour's kitchen. If you don't have a garden, then drill a hole into your wall and have a peek. Don't bother checking out what they're cooking, no one cares about food anymore.

Zoom your binoculars in on what's next to their plate, because if they're anybody who's anybody, then one of these 4 weird but wonderful condiments should be setting their house on fire! (idiomatically speaking).

4. Mad Dod 357

This mild hot sauce leaves brands like Tabasco and Cholula wishing they'd taken a trip to the flavour factory. It's the perfect mix of tastiness and spice; ideal for appeasing those guests that fear even the slightest touch of chilli.

If you look closely, you can see your neighbour slathering Mad Dog 357 all over his pizza and nipples. Yeah, nipples. It's that good.

3. Ovaltine Blended with Digestive Biscuits

Have you been wondering what that racket through the wall is around dinner time? No, it's not your neighbour pleasuring a lawnmower (that's done quietly before breakfast). It's the trendy noise of a hot, bed-time Ovaltine being united in a whirlwind of fury with a handful of crumbly digestive biscuits.

This happening new condiment goes perfectly with pork, rump steak, or if you're vegan, Weetabix (because let's face it, that's all vegans ever eat. Boring!).

2. Tomato Ketchup

You may not have heard of this one before. Only the most "in" supermarkets like Iceland, Poundland and The Co-Op are stocking this thick, godly juice right now.

The brand taking the front coach of this express train to flavourville is Muir Glen Organic. Their style of ketchup is putting brands like Heinz to shame. I feel like coughing up chunks even typing their sickeningly unfashionable name, let alone dipping my fishsticks in their tomato flavoured garbage!

One dollop of Muir Glen Organic's heavenly red sauce will inspire your chips, enlighten your hot-dog and violently rebirth your burger, no questions asked.

1. Corn Chowder

Money, Corn: they're connected. And they feed back to each other very simply (find out how in the video below).

Have you noticed your neighbour's new Mercedes Beanz humming smoothly into her driveway? Or maybe you've noticed that her boobs have grown into slightly larger, solid, statuesque lumps that remain completely still, no matter how strong the wind? No, that didn't happen to her chesticles because she's stressed out (I think).

It's because she's got a new job, one that pays well enough for plastic surgery and allows her to sit at home listening to Crass albums while she does it. Yeah, she's living the life.

While some people like her are smart enough to get their foot in the door of the fresh-faced, but sure-shot success, corn chowder industry, most are just eating it (and loving it), whether they're being paid to or not.

See, corn chowder is the condiment and the meal. What sick freak would want to sully it's delectable flavour with literally anything else other than more corn chowder? I struggle to imagine...

And now, a short message from our sponsor, Neil Daly:

"Alert! Calling all ambitious, unemployed food addicts! Do you want to get in on the ground floor of this corn chowder explosion? Watch our video and contact me, Neil Daly, to find out how you could become our next corn chowder eating machine! I'm willing to dance."

That about does it for this week's list of very useful things. Now that you've finished reading this article, you can prove to your neighbour (and the rest of the world) that they're not the only cool cats in town, by sharing it on Facebook, Twitter or Reddit. Knowledge withheld is knowledge that smells, don't you know.

Are your dinners grateful? Has the Heinz been left behind(z)? Let us know in the comments!

Cover Image Credit: ytimg

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Let's Have A Tea Party: The Right Tea For The Right Time

6 teas and what you should drink them for.

I go through phases when it comes to drinking tea. Some weeks I have at least a cup a day, other weeks I don't even touch the stuff. Having been sick recently, I've turned to tea for some assistance, and that was a smart move!

Tea has many health benefits– some of which being that it has less caffeine than coffee, has excellent effects on your heart, does not erode your teeth like coffee or soda does, and green tea helps to soothe your digestive system.

I have found that drinking coffee (or any form of coffee, including my beloved Chestnut Praline Latte from Starbucks), especially later in the day, makes me anxious and jittery. This is not at all the case with teas, though. Another advantage to tea is that it isn’t coffee. I actually can’t stand the taste of coffee, which is why I mask it with chestnuts and praline, but tea typically has a natural sweet flavor to it, without the bitterness of coffee beans.

But I want to encourage you to drink the right kind of tea for the occasion. So let’s have a tea party.

1. Chamomile Tea

Chamomile tea is great for relieving anxiety and inducing relaxation. But that’s not all. Chamomile tea is also useful for stomach cramps, migraines, IBS, dark circles under your eyes, and acne prevention. Who would have thought?!

2. Green Tea

Green tea is fantastic to drink in the morning because it evidently boosts your metabolism.

3. Ginger Tea

It is fairly well known that ginger aids in nausea, but it also aids in relieving stress and reducing arthritic inflammation.

4. Peppermint Tea

Peppermint oil or tea is fantastic for headaches that are caused by a poor diet or stress. During these types of head aches, the blood vessels in the brain are constricted, causing the headache. Peppermint works similarly to pain killers in relaxing the blood vessels. Peppermint also has been shown to improve brain function and memory retrieval.

The menthol in peppermint teas also thins mucous and is a decongestant. It is highly recommended during a cold or sinus infection to not only drink peppermint tea, but to breathe in the steam as well.

5. Black Tea

Black tea helps with issues like diarrhea to conditions like asthma. And of course, it gives the perfect caffeine boost.

6. Oolong Tea

Oolong tea helps support your bones and your skin, and it also contains many vitamins and minerals. Evidently, Oolong tea has a hand in managing your metabolism and can help hydrate your skin, especially for people who suffer from eczema.

Cover Image Credit: Musa

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A GCU Review: Jamba Juice Seasonal Smoothies

Are you living la vida mocha? If not, you should be.

Hey there Lopes! I hope all of you had a nice Christmas break as well as first week of classes! Are you glad that you have meal plans again because I know I am! It is nice not having to spend "real" money especially when I have a coffee addiction and that is pretty much where all my money goes anyway.

Speaking of coffee, Jamba Juice has new limited time only drinks! The first one is Lotta Horchata, and the second one is La Vida Mocha. Now, you might be thinking, "ew, coffee in a smoothie? I don't think that is going to taste very well". Well, lucky for you, I happen to work there and I tried both of them. Here is what I think:


The drink La Vida Mocha (left) contains cold brew coffee, a chocolate milk base, frozen yogurt, and ice. Pretty simple right? I bet you're wondering how it tastes and if I am going to be real with you. Honestly? I really like this drink. You can barely taste the coffee - which is good for you non-coffee drinkers.

The chocolate milk definitely dominates in this drink. If you have ever had the Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream from Ben and Jerry's, this drink definitely has a similar taste, in my opinion. I would recommend you guys try this one!

The Lotta Horchata drink (right) contains cold brew coffee, almond milk, chia seeds, cinnamon, honey, frozen yogurt, and ice. There is definitely more put into this drink so you would think that it is pretty flavorful right? Wrong. This smoothie tastes absolutely nothing like horchata.

All you can taste is the cinnamon and other than that, the smoothie is actually pretty bland. If you like bland smoothies, then this smoothie is definitely for you - just watch out for the strong cinnamon taste that comes from nowhere. In my opinion, this smoothie kind of tastes like watered-down apple pie. I know that sounds gross but hey, you wanted me to be honest right?

I do not recommend trying this drink but if you are one of those people that have the mentality "I will try anything at least once", this smoothie won't kill you. It just has no flavor and it is definitely not what I expected it to be.

These are the only limited time smoothies that Jamba Juice has right now. However, during the summer, Jamba brings out a smoothie called Watermelon Breeze and during the fall, Jamba brings out 3 smoothies: Pumpkin Smash, Pumpkin Delight, and Pumpkin Protein.

The Watermelon Breeze

Even though it is a summer drink, the Jamba Juice here on campus still serves it. The Watermelon Breeze contains watermelon juice, raspberry sherbet, strawberries, and pineapple.

I think this drink is really refreshing and even though sometimes the watermelon juice is a bit strong, I really like this drink. If you are feeling a little risky, ask to add our chili powder to the smoothie. It tastes like you are putting Tajin on watermelon.

Pumpkin Smash and Pumpkin Delight

Starting with the Pumpkin Smash. This smoothie consists of 2% milk, pumpkin base, and frozen yogurt. Personally, I really enjoy this drink and as soon as it is released in the fall, I get it all the time. I like to add cinnamon to mine and it makes the smoothie taste more like pumpkin pie. Yum!

The Pumpkin Delight, also known as the Pumpkin Almond Milk, consists of almond milk, pumpkin base, and bananas. I am not a huge fan of bananas in my smoothies because they have such a strong and overpowering taste, however, this smoothie was a big hit here at GCU. The smoothie is good, it is just not my favorite.

Pumpkin Protein

The Pumpkin Protein was a new one that Jamba Juice brought out earlier in the fall semester. This drink consists of almond milk, pumpkin base, chia seeds, cinnamon, and whey protein powder. I am just going to say now, this smoothie is very watery due to there being no fruit in it.

I always recommend adding bananas to it when someone orders it because that thickens the smoothie up. If you like liquid-like smoothies, then don't add any fruit. If you like thick smoothies, add fruit - recommended as bananas. I personally do not like this drink but this smoothie was a big hit with the athletes!

Hopefully this helped you make decisions on whether or not to try these drinks! I will always be around for you to ask questions. See you guys around and Lopes Up!

Cover Image Credit: Samantha Hansen

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