4 Weird Condiments Every UK and USA Citizen Needs on Their Dinner Table

4 Weird Condiments Every UK and USA Citizen Needs on Their Dinner Table

Mayonnaise and mustard are so last year.

Run into your garden right now and peer into your neighbour's kitchen. If you don't have a garden, then drill a hole into your wall and have a peek. Don't bother checking out what they're cooking, no one cares about food anymore.

Zoom your binoculars in on what's next to their plate, because if they're anybody who's anybody, then one of these 4 weird but wonderful condiments should be setting their house on fire! (idiomatically speaking).

4. Mad Dod 357

This mild hot sauce leaves brands like Tabasco and Cholula wishing they'd taken a trip to the flavour factory. It's the perfect mix of tastiness and spice; ideal for appeasing those guests that fear even the slightest touch of chilli.

If you look closely, you can see your neighbour slathering Mad Dog 357 all over his pizza and nipples. Yeah, nipples. It's that good.

3. Ovaltine Blended with Digestive Biscuits

Have you been wondering what that racket through the wall is around dinner time? No, it's not your neighbour pleasuring a lawnmower (that's done quietly before breakfast). It's the trendy noise of a hot, bed-time Ovaltine being united in a whirlwind of fury with a handful of crumbly digestive biscuits.

This happening new condiment goes perfectly with pork, rump steak, or if you're vegan, Weetabix (because let's face it, that's all vegans ever eat. Boring!).

2. Tomato Ketchup

You may not have heard of this one before. Only the most "in" supermarkets like Iceland, Poundland and The Co-Op are stocking this thick, godly juice right now.

The brand taking the front coach of this express train to flavourville is Muir Glen Organic. Their style of ketchup is putting brands like Heinz to shame. I feel like coughing up chunks even typing their sickeningly unfashionable name, let alone dipping my fishsticks in their tomato flavoured garbage!

One dollop of Muir Glen Organic's heavenly red sauce will inspire your chips, enlighten your hot-dog and violently rebirth your burger, no questions asked.

1. Corn Chowder

Money, Corn: they're connected. And they feed back to each other very simply (find out how in the video below).

Have you noticed your neighbour's new Mercedes Beanz humming smoothly into her driveway? Or maybe you've noticed that her boobs have grown into slightly larger, solid, statuesque lumps that remain completely still, no matter how strong the wind? No, that didn't happen to her chesticles because she's stressed out (I think).

It's because she's got a new job, one that pays well enough for plastic surgery and allows her to sit at home listening to Crass albums while she does it. Yeah, she's living the life.

While some people like her are smart enough to get their foot in the door of the fresh-faced, but sure-shot success, corn chowder industry, most are just eating it (and loving it), whether they're being paid to or not.

See, corn chowder is the condiment and the meal. What sick freak would want to sully it's delectable flavour with literally anything else other than more corn chowder? I struggle to imagine...

And now, a short message from our sponsor, Neil Daly:

"Alert! Calling all ambitious, unemployed food addicts! Do you want to get in on the ground floor of this corn chowder explosion? Watch our video and contact me, Neil Daly, to find out how you could become our next corn chowder eating machine! I'm willing to dance."

That about does it for this week's list of very useful things. Now that you've finished reading this article, you can prove to your neighbour (and the rest of the world) that they're not the only cool cats in town, by sharing it on Facebook, Twitter or Reddit. Knowledge withheld is knowledge that smells, don't you know.

Are your dinners grateful? Has the Heinz been left behind(z)? Let us know in the comments!

Cover Image Credit: ytimg

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3 Popular Instant Coffee Brands That You Will Probably End Up Settling For When Starbucks Is Just Too Expensive

Desperate times call for desperate measures.

Coffee is energizing, aromatic (structurally, as well), and pairs nicely with a book at the end of the day. Or in the morning. Or during the post-exam-dash-back-home-to-drink-more-coffee in that one hour break, I have between classes. Anytime is a good time to drink coffee. At least it is for me.

But being a caffeine addict, on top of having a small food budget and busy schedule, means I normally "settle" for the instant, just-add-water variety. I tried several brands until I finally encountered one that was acceptable to me.

Yes, I know I am a spoiled coffee snob.

Here are my thoughts on three popular and low-cost brands of instant coffee on the market.

1. Folgers

Leaves a slimy texture reminiscent of hair conditioner. The scent coming off a cup of Folgers conjures up images of old batteries. My opinion is especially significant, considering the fact that I have fewer-than-average taste buds on my tongue- meaning that I should theoretically be less sensitive to bitter, strong flavors than the average person.

The oily black residue this solution leaves behind makes me feel uncomfortable. However, this brand is usually the cheapest in my grocery store, and I'm sure adding tons of cream and sugar will cover up any of the flavors.

2. Maxwell House

Has an unoffensive yet unremarkable flavor, doesn't have much body in the flavor. Smells like cardboard pieces that have been boiled in water, with a hint of a coffee taste. Pairs nicely with a bagel though.

3. Nescafe Taster's Choice

I've stuck with this one because the flavor just falls short of richness. Also, adding triple the amount of the suggested coffee-to-water ratio makes for a hearty coffee with the proper bitterness that I'm accustomed to. This instant coffee brand is generally more expensive than the other two, though.

Despite my words, which partially come from a grumpiness induced by sleep deprivation- without instant coffee, I would be half as competent as I am now (for what that's worth).

Also, everyone obviously has different flavor perceptions. So take my criticism with a grain of instant coffee.

Cover Image Credit: Pexels

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The Official Ranking Of Villanova's Dining Halls

The Exchange was my biggest discovery of first semester.

One of the biggest adjustments for most college freshman is eating at dining halls and learning to eat what is offered. I’ve come to appreciate Villanova’s dining options, because there is no denying that there is an option for everyone. So whether you are a prospective Villanovan or an alumnus, I’m sure you’ll find this list to speak the truth.

1. The Exchange

This place was without a doubt my biggest discovery of first semester. Since I am not a business student, this incredible eatery in Bartley was foreign to me at first. The Exchange offers made-to-order fresh sandwiches and hot dinners of delicious dishes. You can always find this spot crowded at lunchtime and the tables around it packed. The downside of the Exchange is that they only accept food points or the Exchange upgrade meal plan. So if you enjoy this spot, make sure to save up your points!

2. Café Nova

A popular lunch option for most students, Café Nova offers different stations to cater to many different tastes. From burrito bowls, to sandwiches, to pizzas, this dining option is among my favorites, as it’s usually quick to get your meal and consistently delicious. The outdoor seating at Cova is also a plus during the spring and fall. As for meal plans, Cova accept MPEs only, but doesn’t require a specific upgrade like The Exchange.

3. The Spit

Located on the freshman South Campus, the Spit is one of Nova’s all-you-can-eat dining halls. The Spit offers the same daily hot meals as The Pit, but what sets it apart is the pasta, deli, and stir-fry stations each night for those who aren’t interested in the hot meal. The quesadillas and made-to-order pasta are just some of the reasons why sophomores find themselves missing The Spit immediately. There is also a ton of study space that makes it a popular spot late at night for students to socialize and get work done as well as hold events.

4. The Pit

The main all-you-can-eat dining option on main campus is The Pit, located in the basement of Dougherty Hall. The Pit often offers better desserts than The Spit, but other than that it cannot compare to the immense food stations at its counterpart. While definitely a good option for someone on main campus all day, The Pit’s selections are limited to the hot meal of the day and maybe one food station like a stir-fry bar. A plus is that The Pit’s salad bar is often stocked and full of choices!

5. Belle Air Terrace

Ranking as my least favorite option, Belle Air Terrace is more of a fast food location. They offer an all day breakfast line as well as a deli line and a hot food line with burgers, fries, and chicken. This is not my go-to spot mostly because I find the options to be more limited than the other dining halls. Students do enjoy this spot, however, because it has giant TV screens showing sports games and is housed in our student center.

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