4 Weird Condiments Every UK and USA Citizen Needs on Their Dinner Table
Start writing a post
Lifestyle

4 Weird Condiments Every UK and USA Citizen Needs on Their Dinner Table

Mayonnaise and mustard are so last year.

84
4 Weird Condiments Every UK and USA Citizen Needs on Their Dinner Table
ytimg

Run into your garden right now and peer into your neighbour's kitchen. If you don't have a garden, then drill a hole into your wall and have a peek. Don't bother checking out what they're cooking, no one cares about food anymore.

Zoom your binoculars in on what's next to their plate, because if they're anybody who's anybody, then one of these 4 weird but wonderful condiments should be setting their house on fire! (idiomatically speaking).

4. Mad Dod 357

This mild hot sauce leaves brands like Tabasco and Cholula wishing they'd taken a trip to the flavour factory. It's the perfect mix of tastiness and spice; ideal for appeasing those guests that fear even the slightest touch of chilli.

If you look closely, you can see your neighbour slathering Mad Dog 357 all over his pizza and nipples. Yeah, nipples. It's that good.

3. Ovaltine Blended with Digestive Biscuits

Have you been wondering what that racket through the wall is around dinner time? No, it's not your neighbour pleasuring a lawnmower (that's done quietly before breakfast). It's the trendy noise of a hot, bed-time Ovaltine being united in a whirlwind of fury with a handful of crumbly digestive biscuits.

This happening new condiment goes perfectly with pork, rump steak, or if you're vegan, Weetabix (because let's face it, that's all vegans ever eat. Boring!).

2. Tomato Ketchup

You may not have heard of this one before. Only the most "in" supermarkets like Iceland, Poundland and The Co-Op are stocking this thick, godly juice right now.

The brand taking the front coach of this express train to flavourville is Muir Glen Organic. Their style of ketchup is putting brands like Heinz to shame. I feel like coughing up chunks even typing their sickeningly unfashionable name, let alone dipping my fishsticks in their tomato flavoured garbage!

One dollop of Muir Glen Organic's heavenly red sauce will inspire your chips, enlighten your hot-dog and violently rebirth your burger, no questions asked.

1. Corn Chowder

Money, Corn: they're connected. And they feed back to each other very simply (find out how in the video below).

Have you noticed your neighbour's new Mercedes Beanz humming smoothly into her driveway? Or maybe you've noticed that her boobs have grown into slightly larger, solid, statuesque lumps that remain completely still, no matter how strong the wind? No, that didn't happen to her chesticles because she's stressed out (I think).

It's because she's got a new job, one that pays well enough for plastic surgery and allows her to sit at home listening to Crass albums while she does it. Yeah, she's living the life.

While some people like her are smart enough to get their foot in the door of the fresh-faced, but sure-shot success, corn chowder industry, most are just eating it (and loving it), whether they're being paid to or not.

See, corn chowder is the condiment and the meal. What sick freak would want to sully it's delectable flavour with literally anything else other than more corn chowder? I struggle to imagine...

And now, a short message from our sponsor, Neil Daly:

"Alert! Calling all ambitious, unemployed food addicts! Do you want to get in on the ground floor of this corn chowder explosion? Watch our video and contact me, Neil Daly, to find out how you could become our next corn chowder eating machine! I'm willing to dance."

That about does it for this week's list of very useful things. Now that you've finished reading this article, you can prove to your neighbour (and the rest of the world) that they're not the only cool cats in town, by sharing it on Facebook, Twitter or Reddit. Knowledge withheld is knowledge that smells, don't you know.

Are your dinners grateful? Has the Heinz been left behind(z)? Let us know in the comments!

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Student Life

Waitlisted for a College Class? Here's What to Do!

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

40269
college students waiting in a long line in the hallway
StableDiffusion

Course registration at college can be a big hassle and is almost never talked about. Classes you want to take fill up before you get a chance to register. You might change your mind about a class you want to take and must struggle to find another class to fit in the same time period. You also have to make sure no classes clash by time. Like I said, it's a big hassle.

This semester, I was waitlisted for two classes. Most people in this situation, especially first years, freak out because they don't know what to do. Here is what you should do when this happens.

Keep Reading...Show less
a man and a woman sitting on the beach in front of the sunset

Whether you met your new love interest online, through mutual friends, or another way entirely, you'll definitely want to know what you're getting into. I mean, really, what's the point in entering a relationship with someone if you don't know whether or not you're compatible on a very basic level?

Consider these 21 questions to ask in the talking stage when getting to know that new guy or girl you just started talking to:

Keep Reading...Show less
Lifestyle

Challah vs. Easter Bread: A Delicious Dilemma

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

24868
loaves of challah and easter bread stacked up aside each other, an abundance of food in baskets
StableDiffusion

Ever since I could remember, it was a treat to receive Easter Bread made by my grandmother. We would only have it once a year and the wait was excruciating. Now that my grandmother has gotten older, she has stopped baking a lot of her recipes that require a lot of hand usage--her traditional Italian baking means no machines. So for the past few years, I have missed enjoying my Easter Bread.

Keep Reading...Show less
Adulting

Unlocking Lake People's Secrets: 15 Must-Knows!

There's no other place you'd rather be in the summer.

950601
Group of joyful friends sitting in a boat
Haley Harvey

The people that spend their summers at the lake are a unique group of people.

Whether you grew up going to the lake, have only recently started going, or have only been once or twice, you know it takes a certain kind of person to be a lake person. To the long-time lake people, the lake holds a special place in your heart, no matter how dirty the water may look.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

Top 10 Reasons My School Rocks!

Why I Chose a Small School Over a Big University.

131466
man in black long sleeve shirt and black pants walking on white concrete pathway

I was asked so many times why I wanted to go to a small school when a big university is so much better. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure a big university is great but I absolutely love going to a small school. I know that I miss out on big sporting events and having people actually know where it is. I can't even count how many times I've been asked where it is and I know they won't know so I just say "somewhere in the middle of Wisconsin." But, I get to know most people at my school and I know my professors very well. Not to mention, being able to walk to the other side of campus in 5 minutes at a casual walking pace. I am so happy I made the decision to go to school where I did. I love my school and these are just a few reasons why.

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments