1. “I’m at the library, mom
You’re walking up the stairs at a fraternity house and as your heels can barely make it up one last step, your phone starts buzzing. You look down, moving the red solo cup in your hand to see the phone, and your mom’s contact flashes across the screen. If you don’t answer it, she’ll know that you are up to no good and you’ll get a stern talking to later about ignoring your elders. So you answer it with a sly, “Mom, I’m going to have to call you back. I’m at the library; love you!” Maybe she bought that quick little white lie even with the house music blaring in the background; after all, it is called Club West.
2. “Drugs are for losers”
If coffee is a drug then you are definitely guilty of abusing substances, or at least that’s what your parents think. Whether you have a big test coming up or just want to roll with the crowd, you know momma bear wouldn’t be so proud of your recent decisions. The people who don’t use drugs may see their friends having fun while using them, and the thought of participating could cross their innocent minds. The library could also house those guilty of substance abuse, because we all know at least half of the inhabitants of Library West are studying with their good ol’ friend Addy. Who actually wants to admit to their parents that they are a loser by definition and interaction?
3. “That $50 was totally for my books”
When Henri Girl has a sale, you go to that sale. 50% off is a deal that no basic college girl can ignore because, let’s face it, we are all broke and hungry but we must always stay trendy. When your dad calls a few days later because he saw your recent credit card bill, your super cute new dress for the social next week may not seem like the most important expense in his eyes. But a textbook is always good to spend some money on because dads love education. To escape the disappointment from the rents, a little slip of the truth would never hurt anybody; you basically did them a favor anyway because the dress was on sale, duh.
4. “I honestly couldn’t have parked anywhere else”
We all know the terrible and relentless effort that is UF Transportation and Parking Services, and a little too well. Your recent parking ticket was completely unnecessary and most definitely stemmed from the heartless souls of this valiant effort. In all honesty, there WAS no scooter parking at library west or regular parking in Norman garage; you HAD to park in a restricted spot. I mean, there was parking a little ways down the road, but the extra four minutes of walking you would’ve had to do would have really cut into your study time. And the sun was setting, so safety first, right? There really was no other option, and if the parking people weren’t so heartless, you definitely would not have gotten this $30 ticket. And you totally thought that spot was meant for parking. You can get back to your parents on what the towing company thought it was.
