We all have those guilty pleasures, those songs from way-back-when that we still throw on from time to time for pure nostalgia. There's nothing wrong with a little throwback, if it's to something good, anyway. But what about those skeletons in the closet? All of those bands that we are too afraid to admit we listened to in that darker period of life (aka like 2007). It's time to talk about those bands: bands that should have died long ago or never started in the first place.
1. Metro Station
We'll ease into this slowly. After meeting on the set of "Hannah Montana," which starred their younger siblings, Mason Musso and Trace Cyrus decided it would be a great idea to start a band, and Metro Station was born. Through the powers of MySpace, they topped the unsigned band chart with "Seventeen Forever." They were signed not long after that, and after "Shake It"'s release in 2008, they were in the top-10 of three different US charts. Then, as quickly as it started, it ended. In 2010, Metro Station went on hiatus. Cyrus left, and while Musso continued to release some stuff under Metro Station's name, the band seemed, for all intents and purposes, dead. Unfortunately, not everything is as it seems.
In 2014, Metro Station made the terrible mistake to come back from the dead. Both frontmen, now in their mid-twenties, teamed up to release one of the most horrific albums of the year. If you don't believe me, just listen to the single they released called "She Likes Girls." I'll warn you now: you're going to regret it. While the melody is catchy, having those lyrics stuck in your head will make you want to smack your head against a hard surface.
Come 2015, they released another album which is equally as terrible as the 2014 mess. While I stand with my decision to support Metro Station in their early years, they are definitely one band that should have stayed dead and gone.
2. Blood on the Dance Floor
Oh, boy. Where do we start here? How could anybody forget Blood on the Dance Floor, the electropop duo from Orlando, Florida? Anybody who threw themselves into the “scene kid” phase at 13 had at least one of their songs on their MP3 player, even if they won’t admit it. Fronted by a hair stylist Dahvi Vanity and his pal Jayy Von Monroe (yes, two y's), the duo attracted a lot of attention from the tween & young teen population, which is disturbing when you take into account their lyrics and song topics. Some of their more popular songs are called "Sexting," "Call Me Master," "S My D," and "Cruel Pornography," to name just a few. Thankfully, after eight years of existence, the band has announced that their Reign of Blood tour in 2015 was their last tour, as they want to move forward with their individual lives. At least they realized it was time to give it up.
3. The Millionaires
Sometimes there is no escaping the past. Every time I need to spell the word “alcohol,” I hear that prissy voice chanting A-L-C-O-H-O-L! It’s like those of us who learned to spell bananas from Gwen Stefani, but so much worse. Unfortunately, they’re another group that doesn’t know when to give up. The two sisters are currently in the market for a new music producer. Even though many of their listeners have grown up and moved on, it appears they haven’t. They are rumored to have a new single coming out on December 18th, and all I can tell you is to plug your ears and run. Don’t go back to that dark place you worked so hard to get out of.
4. brokeNCYDE
Saving the best for last! Do you guys remember them? How could you not? They were train wreck from 2007, fronted by self-described scene kids from Albuquerque, New Mexico, and are credited as being one of the founding bands of the genre "American crunkcore," a mix of crunk, hip-hop and screaming vocals. Some of their bigger hits, if they can be called that, were "Freaxx," "Bree Bree," and "Get Crunk!", all of which featured the same terrible auto-tuned voices mixed with even worse unclean vocals. This leads many to the question, were they really trying to be serious artists, or was the whole thing a joke? The numbers speak for themselves. After launching an Indiegogo campaign with a goal of $30,000 back in 2014, BrokeNCYDE only managed to gather $1,412 from a whopping total of 33 supporters. Some of the reviews they've received are as follows:
"Imagine an impassioned triceratops mating with a steam turbine, while off to the side Daft Punk and the Bee Gees beat each other to death with skillets and spatulas. Imagine the sound that would make. Just try. BrokeNCYDE is kind of like that, except it also makes you want to jab your thumbs into your eyeballs and gargle acid." - A writer for Warsaw Business Journal
"Even if I caught Prince Harry and Gary Glitter adorned in Nazi regalia defecating through my grandmother’s letterbox I would still consider making them listen to this album too severe a punishment. And she’s just had new carpets put in." - The New Musical Express
Whether they will go forward and continue to make a fourth studio album, I don’t know, but with reviews like that, they never should have made the first one.
