Ever since Tyra Banks announced on Dec. 3 that she'll be reprising her role as Eve, the perfect doll we all came to know and love, '90s girls everywhere rejoiced. Banks, who confirmed the news to Variety, said it'll most likely be a 2016 holiday movie, and she's set to executive produce the sequel as well.
So, naturally, I decided to re-watch the original "Life-Size" movie, because what better way to spend my afternoon than reminiscing on how pre-"Mean Girls" Lindsay Lohan turned a doll into "America's Next Top Model?"
1. One-hundred percent forgot that tweenage Lindsay Lohan played football in this movie. You go, LiLo.
2. It hasn't even been five minutes and I already remember how much I hate her dad's blonde coworker. Using his strained relationship with his daughter to ask him out? Savage.
3. Where did Casey find this website to resurrect her mother? Getting an emo vibe, here.
4. Three words: BUCKET. HAT. GOALS.
5. Right, Casey. Leaving an IOU instead of money is totally legal and won't be problematic at all.
6. All right, mistake #1: You never tell people what you wished for after blowing out the candles on a cake. Nice job, Lindsay
7. Seriously? Thirsty blonde coworker drove all the way to their house because he forgot to "review" her "draft" for the "deposition?" Zero chill from this woman.
8. Oh, and she brought a doll for Casey's birthday. Why didn't she just bring a card that said "I want to be your new mommy?"
9. "Gee, thanks Drew. I'll put her somewhere REAL special." BURN.
10. Update: crazy blonde is now in Casey's room touching her stuff. Like, leave?
11. Did breaking an entire shelf of her trophies not give you the hint to get out of her room?
12. Oh, geez. The move that ruined it all. She just took Casey's voodoo brush to comb Eve's hair. You have NO idea what you've done.
13. I find it kind of unlikely Casey didn't feel a 5'10" woman sleeping next to her until she woke up.
14. Eve just discovered what smelling is and you're trusting her to go back into the bookstore to get Volume II for her? Mistake #2, Casey.
15. I also forgot Casey fell in the street while running and almost got run over by a truck.
16. Dad: "Thanks for saving my daughter's life."
Eve: "It's no problem, I've been a police officer."
Dad: "Da fuq?"
17. So, let me get this straight. Casey's dad just met this woman and doesn't know why she's here, but has already bought her an entire wardrobe, given her a place to live, and offered her a job in his office? This guy is dense.
18. Don't worry, Eve. I get this excited about carbs too, sometimes.
19. Time to bring Eve to work. Let's just completely ignore the fact that she doesn't have a last name, legit employment history, or that she just deleted all the files on his computer. But don't worry, Eve never says no to learning!
20. Ah. Insert Casey's dad's creepy objectifying coworker, Richie.
21. Update: Eve is giving Casey's dad a back massage in the office at 10:30 a.m. and I'm officially uncomfortable with all of the subliminal messages I didn't catch in this movie when I was eight.
22. I love the episodes where Tyra gives the models a makeover!
23. You may have destroyed the entire office but you made someone look prettier and learned a valuable lesson, so great job, Eve!
24. She looks like the salsa dancer emoji.
25. Finally, the dance sequence! SHINE BRIGHT, SHINE FAR, DON'T BE SHY, BE A STAR!
26. Everyone is dancing, having fun, and completely ignoring the fact that she destroyed their copy room earlier today.
27. Womanizer coworker just said, "If you were staying at my house, I'd never let you out." K Richie, not creepy at all.
28. Aaaand there it is. Eve and Casey's dad almost kissed next to the pool. Don't worry Case, I'd be upset too if my dad fell in love with someone who didn't know what stars were.
29. Time for the moral of the story. "It's not about doing your best, it's about trying your best." I wish you could tell yourself that in 10 years, Lindsay.
30. I doubt that gigantic hockey(?) jersey came with Eve's wardrobe. Definitely a shacker shirt.
31. Update: Casey's football game is at 3:00, just like the last one, and her dad still forgot. Does anything get past this guy?
32. When did Eve get bangs?
33. OK, in the beginning of the movie, Casey kept calling the kid on her football team weinerhead. Now the coach is calling him weiner. I feel bad for him.
34. Aww. Weinerhead just said Casey was "good for anyone" and not just for a girl. Way to help bring down the patriarchy.
35. The security guard at the toy manufacturer is totally getting fired.
36. Still not entirely sure why she has to become a doll again.
37. Dad made partner and Casey has friends again. Thanks, Tyra Banks.
38. DANCE SEQUENCE FINALE!
39. Was Tyra smizing the whole time?
