I recently read a New York Times article about 36 questions that, supposedly, help people fall in love. According to the article, when two people answer these 36 questions together, their chances of intimacy accelerates because of the vulnerability created from these personal questions. The questions talk about family, morals, habits, negative things, positive things, and other touchy subjects that people usually do not address with one another, especially not people they have just met. So I decided to take these questions to Tinder to see if 36 questions really can lead to love.
Interviewee Profiles
Before getting started, I had to ask for some background information, just to get a better perspective of their love-lives and past experiences with love. Here are quick profiles I came up with to condense the answers (names changed for privacy):
Anna: Has been in love once before. It took her about three months and lasted a year. She knew she was in love because she "couldn't spend a day without thinking about them." [She] knew it was starting up but then one day it hit like oh [she's] been in love for a while now." It fizzled out as the relationship ended and because they spent time apart.
Patrick: Thought he was in love once but wasn't really. He knew that because he "cared more about the way she made [him] feel than [he] cared about her. And that's not love." To him, love is "really caring about the other person. It's a warm feeling in your soul when you think of them. Like a calm in the storm. Like a deep permeating wave of kindness that you feel."
Dylan: Has been in love before. It lasted three months, it was "...like falling asleep. Gradually and then all at once." He still loves her but in a friend kind of way. He thinks this experiment is meant for "people to see if they're meant for each other and maybe be more inclined to go out, but maybe not immediate head over heels in love."
Most Interesting Answers
36 questions yielded a lot of interesting and telling answers, so here are a few of them:
"Do you have a secret hunch as to how you will die?"
Anna: "I have a feeling cancer cause that takes everyone out...and I'm not special y'know"
Patrick: "Lol damn that's too real. Probably either getting depressed and killing myself when I'm 30 or 40 or a mugging went wrong."
Dylan: "I don't know why exactly but it's always been like a 'hero's death' like putting someone else's life over my own. Saving a baby from a burning building."
"For what in your life do you feel most grateful?"
Anna: "I feel most grateful for my mom 'cause she's like my best friend."
Patrick: "I guess my mind. Just being myself."
Dylan: "My family and my good health. I may not be rich but I'm grateful for all of what I've been given."
"Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?"
Anna: "I wanna move to New York. I haven't yet 'cause I'm waiting to transfer out of my college to go to one in NYC."
Patrick: "A good night's sleep lol mostly 'cause I haven't had time."
Dylan: "Learning French or taking a dance class. I just haven't found a good opportunity yet!"
"How close and warm is your family?"
Anna: "Ooo my family is meeeaaann. But it's like playful mean where like we make fun of each other a lot but like sometimes it's like... whoa that's mean. My childhood wasn't the happiest but maybe 'cause I was unaware I was very content with it. I'm very optimistic so I think I just focused on the positive parts."
Patrick: "I don't feel awfully close with my family but I love them and would do anything for them. I feel like I had a normal childhood, y'know the ones that give you enough trauma to work on through your teen years and maybe become a better person from but not so much that you turn into a sociopath/ ax murderer, you know? 😂"Dylan: "Lol not close at all. It sucked real bad."
So, Did It Work?
The verdict's out, people. I tested the 36 questions with three strangers, and here's what they replied with when I asked if it worked and if they were actually in love with me after answering these questions:
Anna: "Lol, I'm infatuated. But honestly, it's smart to do that instead of the average like 'Oh, hi, how are you.' It helps you get a sense of that person and see if you wanna continue talking. I liked it. It was fun."
Patrick: "I feel like I definitely got to know you better through all of this. Who knows if it's love, but I definitely feel like I know you better and that there's more connection after answering those questions than if we just started talking randomly about whatever."
Dylan: "I liked it! They were really insightful questions and it gave me a chance to get to know you better. You really kept it interesting. I don't know if it's love, but I feel like I know more about you as a person after this and wanna keep talking."
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So love may not have been found, but I definitely made some new friends and got to know these people better, so if you ever get tired of the same old 20 Questions game, maybe give these questions a shot.
