No matter how hard we try, there will always be moments of raging awkwardness that haunt us throughout the course of our lives. The only thing we can do to combat these uncomfortable situations is to diminish their power by accepting them with open arms. There will never be a feat so strong as the conquest of the following awkward moments:
1. When someone waves to the person behind you.
Turning around to see if there is someone behind you is just as awkward. There’s no escaping the awkwardness. So you just make this face and run away.
2. And when you wave to the wrong person.
I'm not wearing my glasses, sue me.
3. The lonely high five.
Hi, it's me. My hands in your face for a reason.
4. Or this catastrophe.
Nothing in my life could have prepared me for this moment.
5. The miscommunicated goodbye.
I will probably replay this moment in my head for years. Either always lead or always follow. Never miss out on a broment again.
6. Ambiguous doors.
Are you push or pull? Lmk.
7. Autocorrect “hahaha” to “HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.”
Sorry, autocorrect. It wasn’t that funny.
8. Holding a door for someone in the ~awkward zone~.
It's too late, you've already made eye contact. Either you end up smacking someone in the face with the door or make an old lady feel obligated to run and catch up to you. There’s no in-between.
9. When a stranger rips a “silent-but-deadly” next to you.
The worst part is you don’t know them so you can’t even express your concern for what might have died inside their intestines.
10. The pause between switching broadcasters on the news.
“And now we’ll go to John with the weather.”
“…………………………………………..Thanks Susan.”
11. Your questionable search history.
I see it. You see it. But no one says anything.
12. Intentionally making additional fart noises to prove you didn’t fart.
“Don’t look at me like that. It was the chair. See?”
*Tries to reproduce identical fart sound*
*Can’t*
13. Ending jokes with “…you had to be there.”
No, I didn’t have to be there. You just suck at telling stories.
14. Accidentally clicking “!” instead of “?” in a text.
“What time are you coming!!”
Sh*t.
“?*”
15. Elevators, always.
You have three options. First, you can look at your phone and pretend you have service in the elevator. Second, you can obnoxiously allow everyone in the elevator to hear your conversation with a friend. Third, you can watch the numbers light up as the elevator moves. That’s it.
16. When someone you’re with starts having an argument.
First, it was as kids when your friends got into arguments with their parents. Now, your friends just all have crazy significant others.
17. Singing without knowing the words.
Fake it till you make it.
18. Sneezing into your elbow so dramatically that everyone thinks you’re dabbing.
Uh, bless you?
19. Not knowing how to tell the person you're talking to that they have something in their teeth.
I'm reeeaaaallyyy trying to make eye contact, here. It's just that...well...are you saving that for later?
20. Side hugs.
I'm not hugging you to be polite. I'm trying to fully embrace you. Let it happen.
21. Your concentration face.
I'm here to win, not look pretty doing it.
22. When the person sitting across from you thinks your leg is the leg of the table.
Yeah, that thing you're kicking? That's me.
23. When someone catches you eating. I mean like, really eating.
Nothing to see here. This plate and I are simply in a loving relationship.
24. When you hear someone flush twice.
We're onto you, buddy.
25. When you already bless someone but they keep sneezing.
I said, "Bless you." That was your cue to stop.
26. Accidentally saying, "I love you" at the end of a phone call out of habit.
"Okay, thanks. I'll see you soon. Love you."
"What..."
"Uh, bye."
27. People who still wear cheetah print.
What are you doing?
28. When people still spell "definitely" wrong.
"Definately, defiantly, definatly..." THERE IS NO LETTER "a" IN THE WORD "DEFINITELY." STOP MAKING EVERYONE UNCOMFORTABLE.
29. When someone calls out your drunk friend.
"Oh, him? No, we just met him outside..."
30. Your face when you put mascara on.
Still trying to master the art of putting on mascara with my mouth closed.
31. When you run into someone you matched with on Tinder.
"Oh, hahahahaha hi!"
32. Not having enough money at the register.
"Uh, okay, I just won't get this one."
33. When the person you're with has an emotional breakdown.
I'm not laughing because it's funny, I'm laughing becuase I'm extremely uncomfortable.
34. The power dynamic of the AUX cord.
"Dude, just let me pay this song."
35. That friend who would rather Shazam the song you're playing secretly than admit DJ defeat.
It's a pride thing now.
36. Splitting the check.
Every time.
And don't worry, it's not going to get less awkward any time soon.
