"You See World..."

You know, death is a funny fellow. He comes like a thief in the night, sometimes he even makes his announcement, but most of the time, he just comes in silently and leaves his mark on us. Growing up, I have never understood death. I just know that I was considered weird for never crying at a funeral. I've lost several family members growing up and every funeral, I would shake and shiver from my nerves, but I never shed a tear.

Death comes and goes, and people's comforting words always start with, "It was just their time," "Time heals all wounds," "They are in a much better place," "We'll see them soon one day." The list goes on and on and on. Me, personally, I have been impacted by death before I could even start to enjoy life (losing a family member to crucial car accident and losing a friend to another car accident), but I never dreamed in a million years, that I would wake up hearing news that could shake me to my core, like a dear friend's death. My dear friend meant more to his friends, family and me than he will ever know. His name was Brandon Thomas Hobdy. To some, it was BHobb; to me, it was simply Brandon.

"You're no good...."

I remember the day like it was yesterday. Even the night before I heard the news was oddly strange to me. The night before, August 23, I was laying in my bed and this sudden illness had washed over me. My chest was tight and I could hardly breathe. Something just didn't feel right within my soul. I had the least idea that I would wake up to the world's worst news.

The next day seemed semi-normal to me. I was about to go out and about doing my normal routine when I looked at my phone and opened up my Instagram. I was just scrolling down the timeline until I saw something that caught my eye. It was a picture of my best friend in his jersey from Media Day. But what I read underneath it really threw me through a loop. "R.I.P BHobb17." I was just like no, that couldn't be true, he isn't dead. I decided to just push the thoughts out of my mind that my best friend was deceased. I logged out of my Instagram and logged onto my Facebook to discover that a classmate that I knew had a picture up. It was a picture of him smiling as if he had no worries in the world. Above the post it read the same thing, "R.I.P Tyga." My mind was clearly playing games on me and so were my colleagues. I thought it was just a weird joke to do, you know like how people go around saying that this person or that person is dead when clearly they were just in their bed asleep.

"You See World..."

Unfortunately for me, this was no dream, it was real. Reality struck me dead when I made a phone call to another one of my best friends. I just asked her, "What happened to Brandon?" Before she could say one word, she burst into tears over the phone and said that he was gone. I hung up before I had time to even register my brain. My best friend was dead. He was gone. Never to be seen on this earth again. Why? How? What happened? So many questions, so many thoughts and before I knew it, I just screamed. I didn't have any other way to react. I screamed. It was heart-breaking. I completely broke down, I cried I was in so much pain. I couldn't breathe right, my lungs were acting as if they couldn't work right, my voice wasn't willing to speak at all, I was shaking all over. I cried all morning and when I finally stopped, I was numb...

"You're no good..."

Too numb to speak, too numb to be happy, too numb to think, too numb to do anything. I just learned that my best friend was gone. I would never be able to look up and see his smile again. Listen to his goofiness, listen to him speak his mind or just look up and see him ever again. Period. Needles? Yeah, they hurt, falling and cutting your knee? It hurts. Hell, even accidentally slamming your finger in the door hurts like hell. But this... The death of a best friend?... I damn-near died. For once, I didn't want to go to the football field. For once, I did not feel like talking. For once I didn't want to be around anybody ever again in my life.

I was in the worst pain imaginable, my heart was heavy and hurting, my body felt like a heavy ass weight to my soul, and my eyes were burning constantly and probably extremely puffy and red from all the crying...

"No matter how I hate flashbacks and rewinds..."

I think what really got to me were the faces of Brandon's teammates, friends and second family. They looked so exhausted like they had gone against one of the toughest colleges on that field. Their faces worn, lines seemed to appear on all of their foreheads. Their eyes were the worst part. I have never seen them or thought of these guys ever shedding a tear once in their life, they seemed so strong, so tough... But I learned that day that it doesn't matter how strong you think you are or how prideful or how tough. You are still human and you do feel. They felt so deeply, the usual ones weren't loud and cracking jokes, they were eating quietly as if there was nothing to talk about. And when they got up to throw their stuff away, it was like a begrudgingly slow walk instead the usual stride that they would take. They didn't want to talk. I don't believe some even ate. I think that day, they all went to their rooms and turned out the lights and just blocked out the world. It was depressing.

"Can't escape the pain that's trapped in my mind..."

I knew how they felt to wake up to devastating news or just seeing this person just a few minutes ago... It was hurtful to one's soul. After that day, I just wanted to be left alone. The candlelight vigil was even more depressing. To me, everything in my life just wasn't fun anymore. All I could think about was how great my summer was and how he was a part of it. I hung out with this guy practically every day, during the summer, when I got done working. We talked for hours. If anybody knew him, they would just know how deep his passion for the game of football was. Brandon loved football. He would talk about summer camp every day I went to visit him.

I don't recall him ever talking about how much pain he was in or how sore he was. He said something once. It was like he felt pain, but he just didn't want to show it. That was because he cared more for his friends and family than he ever cared about himself. He wasn't a selfish person. He was very caring. His passion for the game of football was something real. He could describe that field down to a T. He could tell you how well this teammate or that teammate did, and he could also tell you suggestions on what they could do to better improve themselves.

Other than football, Brandon had a heart for his mother and his little brother. He adored them and he was always so excited to go see his little brother play at a game. Brandon just loved, cared for, and had passion within his very soul.

"You See World...."

I see why God wanted him. I am learning to understand that every day. Whether you knew him from the field, from a class, from hanging out with him, or from being social with him. Brandon was a special type of human. It was like he was heaven-sent. The day he died, it hurt. It damn-neared killed the majority of us.

But there is one thing I will not ever forget about Brandon. Despite his good heart and overall good-nature, he had a dream and was willing to go the distance to achieve it. He just wanted to help out his mother and be a good influence to his little brother. He just really wanted to help his family... That's all he ever wanted.

Although three years have passed since then, the pain has remained inevitable and I do still cry as if it just happened. They are tears of sadness and love. I miss this guy like crazy. Nobody will ever understand the friendship and the bond that I shared with this guy. He meant the world to me, just like my friends mean to me now. I cherish them every day, I thank God for them every day. and I miss Brandon every day. No matter what life puts me through, I choose to smile and act like everything's okay. Inside, I hold more than you'll ever know. Brandon knew that and honestly I am glad that I met somebody as great as him. Because there will never be another like him. Although he's gone, I still cherish the memories that we shared and the times that he made me laugh so hard that my ribs hurt. Yeah, that was my friend. My friend Brandon.

"You See World

Your no good,

You See World,

You're no good,

No matter how I hate flashbacks and rewinds,

Can't escape the pain that's trapped in my mind,

You see world

You're no good"

-J.Cole See World