3 Very Inappropriate Places to Kill Someone

3 Very Inappropriate Places to Kill Someone

You wouldn't have lasagne for breakfast. It's the same thing.

Most of the time, actions require decisions. One governing factor of decisions is the question of how appropriate the action is. For example, if you need to fart, but you're surrounded by colleagues in a hot and humid office, then you will probably deem it inappropriate to fart. That is to say, if you're a decent human being then you will do that.

On the other hand, if you find yourself needing to fart whilst gallivanting through a daisy field on your own with psy-trance pumping in the forest nearby, then you will probably deem it an appropriate time to let the wind blow.

On that bum note, I've decided to clear the air on a subject that I'm sure many of you are struggling with. Thoughtfully, using 2nd person narrative to put you in the scene, I've cobbled together a list of places where killing someone just wouldn't be appropriate. At all.

Riding the London Eye

It's been ten minutes and you're not even half way through a full rotation. It's cloudy, so you can't really see anything except the green-ish Thames, which you could already see from the floor below. The only plus-side to the weather is that the houses of parliament are barely visible. However, even that positive aspect is dulled by the lingering flavour of the £4.90 tuna sandwich you grabbed from the fridge of the off-licence round the corner.

London in the peak of summer.

Then you notice a sharp pain in your ribs. You look down and see a finger-less gloved hand holding a knife inside your chest. The owner of the hand grins, pleased with the idea that you're body isn't going to move much longer because of her, and watches you collapse. Then she looks around and tries to open the slowly revolving container. As your life drains red on the plastic floor of the London Eye, you watch her give up and wait for the painfully boring ride to be over.

At the bottom she's arrested and you die, wondering why she picked such an inappropriate place to commit murder and ruin her life.

Mount Everest's Peak

After weeks of huffing and puffing up the biggest hill in Nepal, finally you can see the bit of rock at the top. You and the two others daring enough to attempt the summit hug and pat each others backs. One of them pats oddly close to your ribs. You shrug it off and pull out your Huawei for a quick group-shot, before the descent.

You give your phone to Sven, the Danish accountant, and he steps back to take a picture of you and Greg, the Australian outback tour-guide and part-time thrill seeker.

This land-mark photo was recovered by the next team of summiters.

After taking the photo, Sven gets weird. He tugs at his neck, acting all hot and then strips naked, drops everything he's holding and walks towards the edge. You recognise it as moderate hypothermia and grab his shoulder.

Then you feel a sharp sensation in your rib. You fall to the floor and he walks off the edge. Greg is very scared; Sven has killed you in the ribs.

He runs over to you and says, "I'm so disappointed! We've come so far and now you are both dead!"

"I am also disappointed," you tell him. That's why it would be inappropriate to kill someone up on Mount Everest.

Svalbard - Watching the Northern Lights

Nibbling your smelly lutefisk and waiting for the show to begin, you slip your hand around your girlfriend's incubation chamber of a waist. Then a green curtain of light warps above from some other dimension and reflects off the white snow of Svalbard.

"Bloody hell, it's like aliens are about to land or something!" you remark, certain that you have never been happier in your life and that nothing could ruin this perfect moment.

Your girlfriend whispers, "I wish Elenie was born already. I want her to be able to see this and share this moment with us."

These people never stood again, as their butts were frozen to the ice forever.

"she will, one day, we will just have to come back in a few years, once she has been born already and is able to capture memories," you nod and say, "it won't be long before she is born, but it will be a few years before there is any point in taking her to see something as cool as this, because she won't remember it. She will love it, being here with us both."

Then you feel a sharp pain in your ribs and look down. A small hand is protruding from your girlfriend's bellybutton, holding a knife that is stabbing your ribs. You fall off the cold log and stare up at the wobbling green bits in the sky, as your face pales.

"Why, Elenie?" you ask your unborn daughter.

"Because I don't know any better, father," she says, not knowing how inappropriately she is acting.

Have you ever done anything inappropriate before in a place? What place was it? Let us know in the comments below!

Cover Image Credit: Dreamstime

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9 Reasons Crocs Are The Only Shoes You Need

Crocs have holes so your swag can breathe.

Do you have fond childhood objects that make you nostalgic just thinking about your favorite Barbie or sequenced purse? Well for me, its my navy Crocs. Those shoes put me through elementary school. I eventually wore them out so much that I had to say goodbye. I tried Airwalks and sandals, but nothing compared. Then on my senior trip in New York City, a four story Crocs store gleamed at me from across the street and I bought another pair of Navy Blue Crocs. The rest is history. I wear them every morning to the lake for practice and then throughout the day to help air out my soaking feet. I love my Crocs so much, that I was in shock when it became apparent to me that people don't feel the same. Here are nine reasons why you should just throw out all of your other shoes and settle on Crocs.

1. They are waterproof.

These bad boys can take on the wettest of water. Nobody is sure what they are made of, though. The debate is still out there on foam vs. rubber. You can wear these bad boys any place water may or may not be: to the lake for practice or to the club where all the thirsty boys are. But honestly who cares because they're buoyant and water proof. Raise the roof.

2. Your most reliable support system

There is a reason nurses and swimming instructors alike swear by Crocs. Comfort. Croc's clogs will make you feel like your are walking on a cloud of Laffy Taffy. They are wide enough that your toes are not squished, and the rubbery material forms perfectly around your foot. Added bonus: The holes let in a nice breeze while riding around on your Razor Scooter.

3. Insane durability

Have you ever been so angry you could throw a Croc 'cause same? Have you ever had a Croc bitten while wrestling a great white shark? Me too. Have you ever had your entire foot rolled like a fruit roll up but had your Crocs still intact? Also me. All I know is that Seal Team 6 may or may not have worn these shoes to find and kill Osama Bin Laden. Just sayin'.

4. Bling, bling, bling

Jibbitz, am I right?! These are basically they're own money in the industry of comfortable footwear. From Spongebob to Christmas to your favorite fossil, Jibbitz has it all. There's nothing more swag-tastic than pimped out crocs. Lady. Killer.

5. So many options

From the classic clog to fashionable sneakers, Crocs offer so many options that are just too good to pass up on. They have fur lined boots, wedges, sandals, loafers, Maryjane's, glow in the dark, Minion themed, and best of all, CAMO! Where did your feet go?!

6. Affordable

Crocs: $30

Feeling like a boss: Priceless

7. Two words: Adventure Straps

Because you know that when you move the strap from casual mode chillin' in the front to behind the heal, it's like using a shell on Mario Cart.

8. Crocs cares

Okay, but for real, Crocs is a great company because they have donated over 3 million pairs of crocs to people in need around the world. Move over Toms, the Croc is in the house.

9. Stylish AF

The boys will be coming for you like Steve Irwin.

Who cares what the haters say, right? Wear with pride, and go forth in style.

Cover Image Credit: Chicago Tribune

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From One Nerd To Another

My contemplation of the complexities between different forms of art.


Aside from reading Guy Harrison's guide to eliminating scientific ignorance called, "At Least Know This: Essential Science to Enhance Your Life" and, "The Breakthrough: Immunotherapy and the Race to Cure Cancer" by Charles Graeber, an informative and emotional historical account explaining the potential use of our own immune systems to cure cancer, I read articles and worked on my own writing in order to keep learning while enjoying my winter break back in December. I also took a trip to the Guggenheim Museum.

I wish I was artistic. Generally, I walk through museums in awe of what artists can do. The colors and dainty details simultaneously inspire me and remind me of what little talent I posses holding a paintbrush. Walking through the Guggenheim was no exception. Most of the pieces are done by Hilma af Klint, a 20th-century Swedish artist expressing her beliefs and curiosity about the universe through her abstract painting. I was mostly at the exhibit to appease my mom (a K - 8th-grade art teacher), but as we continued to look at each piece and read their descriptions, I slowly began to appreciate them and their underlying meanings.

I like writing that integrates symbols, double meanings, and metaphors into its message because I think that the best works of art are the ones that have to be sought after. If the writer simply tells you exactly what they were thinking and how their words should be interpreted, there's no room for imagination. An unpopular opinion in high school was that reading "The Scarlet Letter" by Nathaniel Hawthorne was fun. Well, I thought it was. At the beginning of the book, there's a scene where Hawthorne describes a wild rosebush that sits just outside of the community prison. As you read, you are free to decide whether it's an image of morality, the last taste of freedom and natural beauty for criminals walking toward their doom, or a symbol of the relationship between the Puritans with their prison-like expectations and Hester, the main character, who blossoms into herself throughout the novel. Whichever one you think it is doesn't matter, the point is that the rosebush can symbolize whatever you want it to. It's the same with paintings - they can be interpreted however you want them to be.

As we walked through the building, its spiral design leading us further and further upwards, we were able to catch glimpses of af Klint's life through the strokes of her brush. My favorite of her collections was one titled, "Evolution." As a science nerd myself, the idea that the story of our existence was being incorporated into art intrigued me. One piece represented the eras of geological time through her use of spirals and snails colored abstractly. She clued you into the story she was telling by using different colors and tones to represent different periods. It felt like reading "The Scarlet Letter" and my biology textbook at the same time. Maybe that sounds like the worst thing ever, but to me it was heaven. Art isn't just art and science isn't just science. Aspects of different studies coexist and join together to form something amazing that will speak to even the most untalented patron walking through the museum halls.

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