3 Very Inappropriate Places to Kill Someone

3 Very Inappropriate Places to Kill Someone

You wouldn't have lasagne for breakfast. It's the same thing.
1406
views

Most of the time, actions require decisions. One governing factor of decisions is the question of how appropriate the action is. For example, if you need to fart, but you're surrounded by colleagues in a hot and humid office, then you will probably deem it inappropriate to fart. That is to say, if you're a decent human being then you will do that.

On the other hand, if you find yourself needing to fart whilst gallivanting through a daisy field on your own with psy-trance pumping in the forest nearby, then you will probably deem it an appropriate time to let the wind blow.

On that bum note, I've decided to clear the air on a subject that I'm sure many of you are struggling with. Thoughtfully, using 2nd person narrative to put you in the scene, I've cobbled together a list of places where killing someone just wouldn't be appropriate. At all.

Riding the London Eye

It's been ten minutes and you're not even half way through a full rotation. It's cloudy, so you can't really see anything except the green-ish Thames, which you could already see from the floor below. The only plus-side to the weather is that the houses of parliament are barely visible. However, even that positive aspect is dulled by the lingering flavour of the £4.90 tuna sandwich you grabbed from the fridge of the off-licence round the corner.

London in the peak of summer.

Then you notice a sharp pain in your ribs. You look down and see a finger-less gloved hand holding a knife inside your chest. The owner of the hand grins, pleased with the idea that you're body isn't going to move much longer because of her, and watches you collapse. Then she looks around and tries to open the slowly revolving container. As your life drains red on the plastic floor of the London Eye, you watch her give up and wait for the painfully boring ride to be over.

At the bottom she's arrested and you die, wondering why she picked such an inappropriate place to commit murder and ruin her life.

Mount Everest's Peak

After weeks of huffing and puffing up the biggest hill in Nepal, finally you can see the bit of rock at the top. You and the two others daring enough to attempt the summit hug and pat each others backs. One of them pats oddly close to your ribs. You shrug it off and pull out your Huawei for a quick group-shot, before the descent.

You give your phone to Sven, the Danish accountant, and he steps back to take a picture of you and Greg, the Australian outback tour-guide and part-time thrill seeker.

This land-mark photo was recovered by the next team of summiters.

After taking the photo, Sven gets weird. He tugs at his neck, acting all hot and then strips naked, drops everything he's holding and walks towards the edge. You recognise it as moderate hypothermia and grab his shoulder.

Then you feel a sharp sensation in your rib. You fall to the floor and he walks off the edge. Greg is very scared; Sven has killed you in the ribs.

He runs over to you and says, "I'm so disappointed! We've come so far and now you are both dead!"

"I am also disappointed," you tell him. That's why it would be inappropriate to kill someone up on Mount Everest.

Svalbard - Watching the Northern Lights

Nibbling your smelly lutefisk and waiting for the show to begin, you slip your hand around your girlfriend's incubation chamber of a waist. Then a green curtain of light warps above from some other dimension and reflects off the white snow of Svalbard.

"Bloody hell, it's like aliens are about to land or something!" you remark, certain that you have never been happier in your life and that nothing could ruin this perfect moment.

Your girlfriend whispers, "I wish Elenie was born already. I want her to be able to see this and share this moment with us."

These people never stood again, as their butts were frozen to the ice forever.

"she will, one day, we will just have to come back in a few years, once she has been born already and is able to capture memories," you nod and say, "it won't be long before she is born, but it will be a few years before there is any point in taking her to see something as cool as this, because she won't remember it. She will love it, being here with us both."

Then you feel a sharp pain in your ribs and look down. A small hand is protruding from your girlfriend's bellybutton, holding a knife that is stabbing your ribs. You fall off the cold log and stare up at the wobbling green bits in the sky, as your face pales.

"Why, Elenie?" you ask your unborn daughter.

"Because I don't know any better, father," she says, not knowing how inappropriately she is acting.


Have you ever done anything inappropriate before in a place? What place was it? Let us know in the comments below!

Cover Image Credit: Dreamstime

Popular Right Now

18 Times Kate Middleton Was Actually All Of Us In College, Beside The Princess Thing

Every girl has to go through her clueless college stage before she reaches Duchess status.
25250
views

Kate Middleton is basically a household name by now, and how could this not be the case when she has the gorgeous hair, kind smile, and incredible fashion sense. With her constantly in the spotlight looking so put together, we sometimes forget that the Duchess was actually all of us in college!

Here are 18 times that Kate proved she was just like all of us.

1. Going all out in the name of school spirit

There is nothing like breaking out the war paint and screaming for your home team. Like Kate, we all love to get a little messy and make some memories with our friends.

2. Hanging out with the roomies

Some people may not get lucky in this area but for those who are best friends with their roommates, they understand the love. It's a dream come true for everyone who has always wanted to live with their best friends. It's like a sleepover that never ends.

3. Dressing up cute on the first day of school...

You got to make a good first impression on your way to school. Whether it's during your 7 A.M or 4 P.M., it's always best to dress to impress.

4. ...and wearing yoga pants for the rest of the year

And this goes all the way until the last week of school when you don't bother getting out of bed to wear pants at all.

5. Going grocery shopping and throwing in cookies, ice-cream, and every type of Pringles because your mom isn't there to say no

You'll probably regret that in a few months when the Freshman Fifteen kicks in.

6. Walking for miles from your car to your dorm carrying groceries

We can't park by the apartment for a solid five minutes to carry our groceries up to the kitchen or we will risk a ticket, but we can walk a few miles carrying food that gets heavier, and heavier, and heavier with every step.

7. Going out for a night on the town on a Friday night

Dancing, laughter, and fun? Everyone in college has been to a party or two. It's a classic part of the college experience. Sometimes you just need a distraction from all the essays and tests.

8. Being so late to class you threw on whatever your hands grabbed next

We've all been there. Our alarm doesn't go off, we press snooze a few too many times, or forget to even set an alarm and next thing you know we are running around the dorm room like Taz from Looney Toons. You throw on whatever, then run to class.

Unfortunately 9/10 times our outfits don't turn out. Although, Kate can certainly pull off this look, no matter how mismatched.

9. Pretending your walking to the same building as the cute boy you met so you have the excuse to keep talking to him

I am very guilty of doing this. Although I missed my class, at least I got to talk to the really cute boy who has class at 9:45 in the STEM building. It was worth it.

10. Sitting on the floor or standing because you're a poor college student who can't afford chairs or tables

Eating on the floor? Always. Being a college kid is tough and sometimes you have to sacrifice some things to obtain the others. Such as choosing chocolate milk and Halo Top over vegetables and hair conditioner.

Judging by Kate's beautiful locks, she chose the conditioner.

Probably the vegetables too.

We should just all follow her example.

11. Going on cute date with the boy you followed to class-turned-boyfriend

Now my short-lived romance may not have extended farther than us talking and walking to his class, but Kate and William obviously had a better ending. Nevertheless, college is the place to grow and date and possibly find the one.

12. Keeping your hair long and growing because you can't afford to get it cut

Don't trust your roommate. No matter how many times she begs you to let her cut it. Don't.

13. Turning 21 and getting dressed up and going out with your best friends

While this one probably doesn't apply to Kate, since you can drink at age 18 in most countries, all my people in the United States know the sweet freedom of turning 21. It's an iconic time in a students life and marks a huge milestone as well.

14. Passing out flyers for some type of movement or protest

Everyone wants to be a part of something bigger - which is why college is the time to stand up for what you believe in. May that be RedforEd, Planned Parenthood, anti-Abortion, Trump, the Wall, pizza bagels, it's all an exercise of the first amendment.

15. Ranting to your friends about the professor that just "doesn't understand you"

You know your thinking about that professor right now as you read this. And you know that that's your reaction whenever they give you a bad grade or say something you disagree with at the tiniest degree.

16. Getting glammed-up for those senior photos

Pick out your best outfit and make sure it's a good hair day because everyone will be viewing these photos forever... and in Kate's place that is more than true. Luckily she looks as gorgeous as ever. Does she ever have a bad hair day?

17. Walking out of your last class knowing you'll never have to write a single paper again

And purposefully not thinking about how you will be going into the real world in less than a few days.

18. When you've graduated and realized you have no idea what you're going to do with your life

Maybe a prince will be right around the corner to sweep you off your feet so you won't have to figure your life out.
Cover Image Credit: Laura Warshauer

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

What The 2019 'Season Of The Crab' Means For Your Zodiac Sign

It could be a super emotional month for everyone.

52
views

It's officially summer, and that means it's time to dive into the watery depths of Cancer season on June 21. There is a different energy in the air; different from the vibe in Gemini season. Each sign can expect to notice its effects, whether they are obvious or more subtle.

Cancer season means you're probably going to feel more moody than usual. Maybe you're crying more often. Maybe you'll feel more dreamy and intuitive. Maybe you'll be more irritable. Whatever the case, it never hurts to know what you're about to get yourself into.

So what does Cancer season mean for you, based on your zodiac sign?

1. Cancer - 21 Jun to 22 Jul

@rebeccahmac_

Happy solar return, cutie crustacean!

This is one of the dreamiest times of the entire year for you, but lacking structure and planning could prove stressful. You're in an imaginative zone and you may not feel like settling down before chasing the stars, but you must think ahead so things will work out.

2. Leo - 23 Jul to 22 Aug

@lolasuxs

Cancer season will find you exploring who you want to become, and what you want to leave behind. With your season just around the corner, this is also a magical time for healing and exploring yourself. Journaling, creative pursuits, or talking things through are wonderful ways to nourish your soul.

3. Virgo - 23 Aug to 22 Sep

@nahomi.17

This Cancer season, you'll find that the stars and the moon are asking you to rest. You will be faced with many choices and decisions this month. Enjoy your time fostering whatever creativity comes to mind. Do not force yourself to go out if you're not feeling up to it. It's okay to be you and be alone sometimes.

4. Libra - 23 Sep to 22 Oct

@tiiffahh

Cancer season and Neptune retrograde begin on June 21, causing you to need to pause and reflect on your goals. Change can be uncomfortable, but every small shift brings us closer to our goals. Be willing to take a risk, and let the universe push you in the direction of happiness and adventure.

5. Scorpio - 23 Oct to 21 Nov

@jordansavannah_r

Cancer season finds you traveling and opening new doors of opportunity. Are you really gaining anything by holding onto the past so tightly, Scorpio? Set your sights on new dreams, and leave all those people and situations that are holding you back in your rearview mirror.

6. Sagittarius - 22 Nov to 21 Dec

@zelzhcabbage

The question Cancer season asks you now, Sag, is whether you'll run away from your past, cling on to it, or do the emotional work necessary to process it and let it go. Appreciate the memories you are making and try not to get too wrapped up in the little things that annoy you. This is a time for experimentation.

7. Capricorn - 22 Dec to 19 Jan

@xxadriiana

You love your deadlines and goals, but remember that taking care of your emotional health will ultimately help you be more efficient! Trust your intuition, take it slow, and use the energy for play and creativity rather than detailed planning.

8. Aquarius - 20 Jan to 19 Feb

@yeeshibee

Cancer season this year is all about being comfortable and doing what you know, so go ahead and stick to that. This is also a great time for you to check in with yourself when it comes to wellness and your habits.

9. Pisces - 20 Feb to 20 Mar

@stephdangle

This Cancer season, the heightened emotion that is in the air will bring you natural happiness. Go out, have a wonderful night under the summer stars, and use your experiences for inspiration. It will reinvigorate your soul to be more creative and more adventurous.

10. Aries - 21 Mar to 19 Apr

@marilang_

Cancer season finds you focused squarely on your personal life. It's a wonderful time for an adventure. Go on that hike. Wake up early and drive to the beach. You'll feel an inclination to do it all-- and you can! Remind yourself that you are capable.

It will be hard to stay focused because the vibe just feels so good, but Neptune's retrograde brings intriguing messages to your dreams, so pay close attention to your inner voice at this time.

11. Taurus - 20 Apr to 20 May

@belendenike

Cancer season causes emotions to be even more extreme so you'll probably reach your breaking point this month, Taurus, but you are never alone in the problems that you face. Remember to control your temper long enough to cool off and take some relaxation for yourself.

Take a day off and drive around with the windows down. Take five days off and drive to the beach to hang out and reflect. Whatever it is that you need to feel better, it is time to do it this month.

12. Gemini - 21 May to 20 Jun

@nicolenaone

Cancer is a sign that's all about security and protection, and you're really feeling those vibes right now. Your confidence is running high, as you are feeling more in control of your life. Get rid of the elements in your life that won't propel you forward.

Just as the moon and ocean cycle, so do we. Cancer is that strong energy that gets you up in your feels; it's sure to be a ride.

Related Content

Facebook Comments