3 Easy Cocktails That Will Blow Your Face off this NYE!

3 Easy Cocktails That Will Blow Your Face off this NYE!

Ingredients: Anecdotes 9/10 Information 1/10.
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Tonight, the Western world is gearing themselves up to end yet another tiresome year of existence by running head first into a wall of booze and then pissing themselves to sleep, while snoring vomit into the bowl of their mate's toilet.

As most of the liquid you'll consume tonight will be passing your tastebuds twice, do yourself a favour and mix up one of these delicious (and sensationally easy) cocktails. Your future self who is regurgitating it along with the kebab your going to cram into your sorry gob will appreciate the flavour.

1. Yo! Juicy

Ingredients: 3/4 Prosseco, 1/4 Watermelon Juice.

The Yo! Juicy is a fatally simple drink that a customer at my old job as a waiter at Yo! Sushi helped me create.

The young woman who was heading off to somewhere a bit sunnier than Gatwick Airport in winter asked me for a cocktail. I reminded her that she was in a sushi bar. She suggested that I just mix her a drink. So, as a joke, I told her that I'd pour her a glass of prosseco and then put some watermelon juice in there.

After judging that she was not joking, I scurried off to collect the drinks. "Really?" I said as the small bottle of watermelon juice hovered over the rim of her prosseco glass.

"Yeah! What's the problem, why do you think this is so weird?" she said. The customer is always right.

I passed by a short while later to see how they were getting on and sure enough, she wanted another prosseco to finish off her watermelon juice with.

Lo, the Yo! Juicy was born.

2. Spanner in the Works

Ingredients: Tequila 2/8, Orange Juice 5/8, Soy Sauce 1/8

This cocktail arrived at a time in my life when all I did was be a mechanic. I lost everyone that I loved to my workaholic appetite for fixing machines and getting paid for it.

It was late one night on New Year's Eve, when my reluctant cohort, Jez, and I were climbing a radio tower just outside Ipswitch. We were tasked with fixing the Ryan Air communication's dish, so we had a load of recycled cardboard strapped to our backs to patch it up.

It only took us a few seconds to replace the dish once we'd reached the top, but even so, Jez was pissing me off with his attitude towards the job. No sooner than we got a confirmation bleep that all the luggage had been lost on the latest arrival at Gatwick, Jez had poured us a tequila sunrise. Hanging 400ft above the English forest and farmland, our faces lit by a periodically blinking red light atop the mast, I had my go at him.

"Jez! We're at work!" I abated him scornfully, "can't you wait until the weekend? You bloody alccy."

"Cleary, we've been working 21 hours a day for a solid month," he said, tears welling up in his eyes, "I need a fucking break. And anyway... check the time."

My heart wrenched itself away from work for the first time in four months and I saw in the urgent shade of blinking red how tired Jez looked. He lifted up his wristwatch to me and I saw that it was 23:59:45. I looked up at him, smiled and we both counted down to New Year's Day. Three... two... one!

I dare not speak of what happened between me and my coworker beyond the countdown, hanging from our carabiners up that radio tower, but I can say this: once we had gotten round to our drinks, breathless, each of us saw a small drop of something fall into our glasses. We heard a snickering from above, then a flap of wings. Only at a later date did we realise that the drop was soy sauce.

That's the tale of how the mysterious Spanner in the Works cocktail was made.

3. Andromcider

Ingredients: (nice) Cider 3/4, Strawberries 1/4.

After that night I quit my calling as a mechanic and thought new year, new start.

Within a week I was aboard The International Space Station, playing cards and eating toothpaste for breakfast, lunch and dinner. It's safe to say that I was bored shitless within an hour of starting my new job. Fortunately, so were the rest of the staff.

One evening we all decided to take the night off. The solar flares, measurements, repairs or whatever it was we needed to occupy ourselves with on the space station could wait. Each of us had brought booze from our respective countries with us.

Around the plastic white dinner table, we tasked our assistant android, Pope, with mixing us random cocktails from our selection. Of all the combinations we tried, Ms. McCrowley's cider, fermented and bottled in Londonderry, plocked with a few sliced and dashed strawberries took the biscuit.

A lot of heart-warming research was undertaken that night.


After sifting and sipping these insanely easy (and brand new) cocktails, your NYE is guaranteed to be as smashing as Nigel Thornbury thinks everything is! Happy New Year!

Cover Image Credit: timeout

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13 Summer Struggles Only Thick Girls Understand

Chafing. So much chafing.

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Summer is a lovely time. A time of cookouts, swimming, and sunny weather. But if you're a " thick girl," summer sometimes brings more unpleasantries than it does for slimmer women. No matter how beautiful and confident you are in your body, it can bring some struggles.

1. The living hell that is shorts-shopping

Step 1: Find the biggest size the store has.

Step 2: (If you can even get those on): Realize your stomach is being squeezed into the top, your butt is falling out of the back and your thighs are having the life squished out of them.

Step 3: Realize why winter isn't so bad.

2. And dealing with them even after finding a pair that "fits"

Nothing like taking a pair of shorts home you remember fitting you okay in the store and then walking for 45 seconds and pulling them out of your butt or crotch 17 times. Truly a magical experience.

3. And every bathing suit you try on shows more skin than you'd planned

Even the most conservative bathing suit turns into cleavage-city and a non-cheeky set of bottoms turns into a thong. I promise, older people glaring at me in my sexual bathing suit, I didn't mean for this to happen!

4. Chafing. So much chafing.

No better feeling than four minutes into wearing short shorts realizing that your inner thighs are literally tearing themselves apart. Body Glide and baby powder are a thick girl's No. 1 necessity.

5. Loving rompers. Rompers not loving you.

Rompers are made with short and skinny girls in mind. Heaven forbid you're not short, and heaven forbid you're not skinny. Rompers are like a mystical article of clothing that, no matter what, always just barely doesn't fit.

6. Imagining wearing a sundress with a strapless bra and just laughing

Of course, not all thick girls are well-endowed in the boob department, but if you are, you understand how hilarious the thought of you wearing a strapless bra truly is.

7. And bralettes are a thing of fantasy

Once again, bralettes are designed for a very specific body type. One that I do not fall into.

8. Feeling like you need to constantly defend yourself for dressing like you want to

There are so many posts and tweets and just general ideals that people have that certain sized women can't wear certain clothing. You shouldn't feel the need to defend yourself for wearing a cute crop top or a bikini, but you will.

9. And always feeling looked at when you're rocking your swimsuit

Yes, I see your judging eyes, and yes, they are making me feel like shit. It doesn't matter how confident you are in your body, people looking at you like you just killed somebody just because you're wearing something typically made for smaller women doesn't make you feel good.

10. Did I mention chafing?

I just felt like something so horrible couldn't just be mentioned once.

11. Online shopping for cute summer outfits and then none of them fitting you correctly

There's always the dreaded "one-size-fits-all" for plus-size women. As if there's just one way to be plus-size. No matter how much they promise online that it'll fit well, it won't.

12. Seeing tiny girls complaining about losing their "summer bodies"

So many tweets talking about choosing food over a summer body. So many profile pictures of traditionally skinny women. I'm not saying that thick girls are the only ones who can complain about their summer bodies, and thick girls do not have a monopoly one not feeling confident in their bodies. But it is hard to see those posts knowing that those women would be glorified in their swimwear while you'd be gawked at.

13. The "you go girl!" comments on your oh-so-brave bikini photos

Compliments are nice, and positive comments while wearing a bikini go a long way. But the dreaded "you go girl" comment just seems so condescending. Just treat me like anyone else you'd see wearing a bikini. I promise, I'd like to feel like that.

Cover Image Credit: Sara Petty

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6 Ways To Start Pre-Gaming Your Summer Plans Today

A few ways to help you prepare for summer.

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Summer is coming sooner rather than later and we all need to get ready for it.

1. Start making trip plans now.

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If you are wanting to do a getaway over the summer, I would suggest starting to plan for the trip now. The closer you get to the time in which you want to go, the higher the prices of plane tickets and rooms go up. Also planning ahead gives you the chance to pinpoint exactly how you want to spend your trip and not waste your time. Nothing is worse than going on a trip and being stuck at the hotel the whole time because you have no idea what is our there for you to do.

2. Buy sunscreen.

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Do you really want to end up like her? I don't think so. Even if you are the type of person with the mentality that you will only be out in the sun for a short period of time, it doesn't matter. We all need sunscreen. Our skin is the largest organ of our body and we need to take care of it. Think of it this way, do you want to have sunspots when you're old? Or would you rather maintain your youthful appearance for as long as you can?

3. Find a new hobby.

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Let's be honest here for a minute, the majority of us do absolutely nothing over summer break and feel no guilt for it. I have done this several times over the years, and I now look back and realize all the time I wasted not learning or doing something new. If you are working full-time, have summer school, or a summer internship this does not apply to you unless you have the time to do so.

For the rest of y'all, get up and learn something. Learn how to knit. Take a kickboxing class. Try out new hiking places. Start learning another language, or continue practicing the one you learned in school at places where the language is commonly used. Get outside of your comfort zone!

4. De-stress and dispose.

You are so close to summer sometimes it stresses you out trying to get everything done. You need to realize that summer isn't going anywhere and you will get there eventually. Take a deep breathe and keep going. What I like to do is start throwing out the paperwork from this semester that I know I will never use again, don't want, and papers that I don't plan on using for the upcoming final. Disposing of those papers helps me visualize that the semester is almost over.

5. Buy a new swimsuit.

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Before you go out and buy a bunch of new swimsuits, try your old ones on first and see if they fit. Sometimes you just need a new top to match the bottoms that you already have or vice versa. Also, if you know that you are not going to buy a swimsuit for the pool or beach several times throughout the summer, don't waste your money on a new swimsuit. The one from last year that you never wore will do just fine.

Save Money

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The simplest way to understand it is no saving = no money to spend during summer. If you have all kinds of different trips and things you want to do that cost a fee, it would be wise to start saving up for all of your other expenses that you would normally have to pay per month like insurance, phone, or a car payment. I will be in the car payment category since I just bought a new one a few weeks ago.

That being said, my first car payment is due the week I am in New York. I don't want my New York money to be used for a car payment, so I've been taking extra shifts at work to compensate. I have also started going through my closet and selling the items I don't want anymore. There are several resale stores and places online for you to sell your unwanted clothes and other items to put some extra cash in your pocket.

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