1. You wake up excitedly anticipating a day of football and food.

2. You vow to eat nothing all day so your stomach is primed for the night of its life.

3. You walk downstairs to turn on the TV, but instead are informed that you will be participating in a Turkey Trot.

4. You only agree to participate, and struggle through the race, because you will be rewarded later tonight.

5. You come home and watch football, feeling proud of yourself because you exercised and know that now you can eat more at dinner.

6. You travel back and forth between the living room and kitchen, pretending to help, when in reality you are making sure your favorite foods are being handled with the utmost respect.

7. Your extended family arrives -- thank God, Grandma brought the sweet potatoes.

8. You dodge grade/relationship/career questions, because No. Thanksgiving is for joy and thanks, and you experience neither when answering those questions.

9. Your mom calls you in to the dining room -- your time has come.

10. You get in line for the buffet -- Um, excuse me cousin Nancy, I was here first.

11. You pile your plate high, ignoring Aunt Suzy’s disapproving stares. Bye, Aunt Suzy.

12. You sit down at the table. Your whole life has led up to this moment.

13. Prayers and thanks are exchanged, when really all everyone wants is to consume.

14. OK, finally it’s time. You take the first delicious bite.You've never been so thankful for anything in your whole life.

15.—17. You eat.

18. You start to realize your brother was right -- you can’t eat it all.

19. You immediately enter mind-over-matter mode, because you have to make it to dessert.

20. You pretend like you don’t feel as if you’re made of stuffing (the food) and, with slight disgust, put a piece of pie and scoop of ice cream on your plate.

21. Relief washes over you as you complete the task. You’re proud.

22. You remove yourself from the table.

23. You lie down on the couch.

24. You focus on not dying or vomiting, because either would be an unacceptable waste of good food.

25. You fall asleep, full, but ready for those turkey sandwiches tomorrow -- thank God for the Indians and Pilgrims.