These last few months have been stressful to the entire country. We have been subjected to the antics of the Great Orange Despot, the Number One Winner, Captain America-First himself: Donald J. Trump. Over this time period, I have had ample time to contemplate some of the things that I would do, give, or sacrifice if only to see this man impeached from the White House.

I have determined that I would:

1. Stick a nail underneath my toenail, then proceed to kick the wall.
2. Listen to nothing but country music for two straight years.
3. Camp at the top of Mount Everest for one month.
4. Run for president myself (and endure every ridiculous facet of the American political process).
5. Eat nothing but oatmeal for six months (and I hate oatmeal even more than I hate the nuances of politics).
6. Sit quietly in a room full of extremely conservative people as they discuss social issues.
7. Give up my phone for one month.
8. Make that two months.
9. Make that a whole year, if that’s what it will take.
10. Take an oath of silence for three weeks, which is about 30,225 minutes past my limit.
11. Fend for myself on Mount Charleston for three whole days.
12. Watch 10,000 terrible movies in a row.
13. Chew shards of glass.
14. Walk barefoot through a room full of Legos.
15. Walk barefoot through a room full of Legos that have been heated by hot coals.
16. Chain myself to the front of the White House, and take the consequences.
17. Go to jail for an indefinite amount of time (probably for chaining myself to the White House).
18. Deign to actually meet Trump.
19. Look him in his beady eyes.
20. And stare at his orange face.
21. And touch his small, greedy hands in a handshake.
22. And smile.

Just to see him impeached.