College. “The best years of your life,” they said. Full of freedom, new friends, and Franzia. One of the best things about college is how many socially abnormal things become acceptable. It’s like entering a different world, one where normal adult rules don’t apply to us, because we're still figuring out how to adult properly. Here are some examples I compiled of weird things us Vandals do that I’ve observed the past few years at the U of I:
1. Set an alarm for a 14 minute nap.
Between classes, work, intramural games, club meetings, homework, studying, and everything else the college life throws at us, our down time becomes strategic and crucial. And 9 times out of 10, we'll pick taking a nap over almost anything else.
2. Shower in the middle of the day.
Like I said, our down time has to be strategic. Remember in high school when we'd shower every morning or every night like a normal human? Well, in college, fitting a shower at all is a pretty big accomplishment. So if it has to be in the one hour break we have on MWF, that's when it'll be.
3. Wear headphones to avoid small talk.
We like to be social, but we run late as it is and don’t have time to stop and have a conversation with everyone we know in the commons. Wearing headphones is like using an international get-out-of-small-talk-free card. Social interactions can be limited to a wave or head nod and people understand.
4. Pre-game.
We all love it. But let’s be honest with ourselves, it doesn’t really make sense. Have you ever tried explaining pre-gaming to older adults? “It’s like, when you drink with your friends before going out… to drink with your friends…"
5. Show up to a stranger's house for a party.
If your house is bumping loud music and making a lot of noise on a weekend night, intoxicated college students see this as an open invite to just walk in and join.
"Hey! I don't know you, let's party!"
6. Go a month without doing laundry.
We have a lot going on and it just slips our mind. Until we are on our last pairs of underwear, we’ll put it off because it’s easy to tell ourselves “I’ll just do it tomorrow.” And let’s be real, it’s a hassle and not fun.
7. And when you finally do laundry, you manage to fit four loads into one washer
Because $1.25 per load is way too expensive. And who just keeps a jar full of quarters anyway? We have to scrounge under our car seats and couch cushions and even then, we’re lucky to find five quarters.
8. Deem anything over $5 “too expensive.”
We’re broke.
9. Skip class to study for a different class.
It’s a horrible viscous cycle.
10. Wear the same outfit two days in a row.
Because laundry is hard and so is picking out an outfit. Just hope that no one in your MWF classes are also in your T/TH classes.
11. Deem it acceptable to drink caffeine at any hour of the day.
Whether it’s 7 A.M. or 10 P.M., caffeine is what keeps us going. It’s been there for all the all nighters, early mornings, and everywhere in between.
12. Refuse to buy the textbook even when the professor says it’s “required.”
$200?! Yeah, we’ll see….
13. Or even worse, drop hundreds of dollars on textbooks you’ll never read.
Because we don't spend enough money as it is.
WHY.
14. Put off grocery shopping for so long your only option for meals is to get creative.
You resort to eating random food concoctions made from anything and everything left in the fridge. Why go drop money on groceries when you have peanut butter, a few pickles, and a can of beans?
15. And when you do go shopping, it goes something like this:
16. Drive to the rec center to speed walk on the treadmill.
Despite the fact that it's a half a mile walk (if that), we continue to drive to the gym and struggle to find parking in the lot and settle with parking almost as far away as we would have had to walk. Just to say that we went. And to feel slightly better about the hundreds of empty calories we're going to consume tonight.
17. Share a twin size bed.
Maybe it’s your childhood bed that you brought to college with you. Or maybe you are a shacker staying the night at a fraternity. Either way, trying to fit two people will never end in a good night’s sleep. (Tip for the ladies: try making sure he has a bottom bunk prior.)
18. Slap a bag of wine before chugging it.
We don’t know how this started and we don’t really know why, but anytime someone breaks out the shitty wine, ditches the box, and offers it to us yelling “slap it!” we do it. Every time.
19. Pee with a friend.
When you break the seal, there’s no turning back. Girls go to the bathroom in groups to gossip and make sure their winged eye liner is still on point and their high waisted shorts aren't giving them a cameltoe. Guys don't understand it, but it's just ingrained in our lady DNA. Also, we can’t go anywhere alone, it’s just way too lonely.
20. Go to campus events because you heard there would be free food.
Even if it’s for a club that you clearly don’t belong in. Free food is life.
21. Never wanting to graduate.
Despite all the stress, homework, sleep deprivation, lack of money, cheap and unhealthy meals, hungover mornings, and studying, we still get a little sad thinking about graduating and leaving this strange college world and entering the real world, where most the things on this list won't be socially accepted anymore. These really are some of the best years of our life and we try our best to have a blast and not to take advantage of how lucky we are to be here.
Stay weird, ya'll.
