I could have never imagined what 2019 would bring, on January 1st, I was eager to see what the year would hold for me. The girl I was that day was someone who did not have the confidence to be alone, I put all of my self worth based on how what I was like through other people's eyes, and I felt like I was not worth anything if someone did not like me. Today writing this I am confident, happy, and living each day how I want. I think I have 2019 to blame for that, this truly was the year of growth and finding myself.

I went through a breakup, and I never thought I would be ok again after having my heart broken. There were many nights of crying non stop, not being able to eat because I didn't have an appetite, wanting nothing more than to go to sleep but everytime I did sleep I dreamed of him. I thought he was the boy I was going to spend the rest of my life with, and although I know God has a bigger plan for me, but for a while it felt like my world was ending.

I got played by boys, even the ones who I could have sworn they never would. Of course I had my fair share of spending almost everyday with someone, texting constantly, just for them to ghost me. Although I think the worst had to be with someone who was supposed to be different. I had a boy best friend, someone who came into my life when we both needed someone. He was someone who was so good to me, treated me so nice, and was someone who I could always count on to make me laugh. He was one of my favorite people in this world, well he confessed his feelings for me, which only just made me realize how much I truly liked him. Well that did not escalate anything because he "does not want to ruin the friendship" in some ways I understand that, but it has just left me having feelings with someone that will never become anything.

There are some things that I would never wish on my enemy, not to mention my best friend in the entire world. I sat there and cried with my best friend, loved her, been there with her through her breakup. It amazes me how you can spend three years of your life with someone just to wake up one day to them saying they do not want to be with you anymore. The fact that I knew exactly what she was going through and I could not do a single thing to ease her pain killed me.

I had so many late night adventures that I will never forget. From going to New Orleans to Memphis there has been so many times that I am so blessed to be apart of. I got to experience my first Mardi Gras in New Orleans, which is something I will never forget. I also got to go to Memphis for the first time with a group of friends to celebrate a friends 21st birthday. The group of friends that I have made throughout my time at college makes it so easy to have fun with no matter what we are doing. It is amazing how some of the best nights are spent playing Taboo with all of them. Do not get me wrong we had our fair share of wild nights all throughout 2019, but the best part is having these memories with people who are so close to my heart.

In 2019 learned that it is ok to say yes, but it is also ok to say no at times. I put myself out there when I went to a date party with someone and I knew no one other than my date that was going. Normally I would have said no, but because I said yes it turned out to be such a fun time that I will always remember. I also learned that yes while school is important it is not everything. You do not have to spend all of your time studying, and that it is completely okay to skip the school work to do things with your friends. The memories will last, but the grade you made on a specific thing will not.

In the future I hope I never beg for someone to stay in my life, because there is no point in trying so hard to keep them when all they want to do is leave. I no longer apologize for doing things that I feel will make me happy. With everything that 2019 has taught me, bring it on 2020 I can handle it.