Did you know butterflies and moths stay inside their cocoon for up to 21 days? My mother once told me that I was going to be a butterfly one day and fly with my own wings. Why did I feel like I was stuck in a cocoon for 365 days then? That is how 2017 ended up feeling.
When I look back on the year, I realized that I did a lot of growing physically, mentally, and spiritually. Looking back, I lost some people. I cried a whole lot. I got rejected from my dream school. I started to beat myself up over things that were not even important. Honestly, I put myself in a bad place and I'm thankful that I am recovering.
With some of my past demons showing up and haunting me, I began thinking that I was too far gone for God's love and grace. Haven't you ever had that exact feeling? Good. I knew I wasn't alone. But that isn't how I used to think. This past year, I felt so alone that I declined offers of going places because I thought that person didn't want to be around me. You might be thinking, "Hannah, but they invited you?
That means they want to be around you!" I know. I know. I am a bit complicated. I thought that they were only inviting me out of the pity feeling that a majority of people get if you know what I mean. I hate to be pitied. I hate crying in front of people. I hate showing weakness. Thought the months, I started opening myself up more to the people that were closest to me and I started seeing a better version of myself. I began to pursue that girl.
I became closer to God. I finally understood that it was okay to be vulnerable to the right people and God. God loves us in our best moments, but He also loves us in our weakest.
If you told me at the beginning of 2017 that these things were going to happen to me, I probably would have laughed in your face. What I have also gathered is that the beauty in our life is the unknown. So as you prepare to break through your own cocoon, remember that God already knows your future and you have nothing to worry about. Be brave this next year and trust God and know that He has a plan that will be so exciting for your life. Believe me, once you let go and start letting God work His wonder, everything will work out for the best in the end.
By the way, I reapplied to my dream school and I will be starting the semester in less than a month.
