As each year starts, almost all of us say, "new year new me." We always like to start fresh, we believe in change for the good.

But, as each year ends, almost all of us end up saying "this wasn't my year." We just didn't feel like we took action. We thought the year was just aiming towards us, trying to make us miserable.

Every year is the same, well at least our way of thinking seems to define it.

I never thought anything could get worse, then came 2016. If the year went great for you then I'm happy for you, but let's admit that for most of us, we were just tangled up most of the time. I honestly was just so lost that I thought I have had enough.

I'm one of those who thinks, "why me?" I feel like I'm the center of the Universe.

In the beginning of the year, I was manipulated by my own mental illness that it almost drove me into a bad place. Not going into detail but I couldn't feel anything. I was numb both emotionally and mentally. I was practically dead.

I felt like I was an object in a tornado who kept spinning around and around and had no escape. I thought it was the end for me. I couldn't find the light at the end of the tunnel. I had no destination, I had no guidance. Life meant nothing. I was nothing.

I just never thought I would be able to escape it. Then of course a miracle strikes me. Something found me, something helped me. It held my hand and guided me. There were a lot of bumps but I was able to get through it all. I saw a little bit of light.

I saw my friends and family, I was able to feel and hear them. They were waiting for me to come back, to snap out of that unending numbness.

Slowly I came back to life. I came back to reality and fully opened my eyes. Wow. I cannot believe I was paralyzed, I cannot believe I was gone for a long time. I cannot believe I was a zombie. I just can't believe I let myself fall into a deep hole. I was nothing, wow.

Slowly I started to get used to life again. I started figuring out what I wanted. I started to fight but at the same time I started to hold back. This wasn't life anymore, it was something else. Something I am not quite sure of.

I removed toxic people from my life. I removed negativity. I narrowed it down as to why I'm here in this world, what my purpose is. I started gaining knowledge as to why I fell into that "black hole." I realized that the black hole was my head. I fell into my own thoughts, my own mentality.

I hurt myself on accident. I wasn't aware of it. I wasn't aware of a lot.

Without realizing it, here I am right now. I don't know what happened but I am not that girl anymore. I am not that girl who fell into her own thoughts. I am not that girl who would wake up gasping for air. I am not that girl who would cry herself to sleep. I am not that girl who would let her "friends" take advantage of. I am not that girl who was afraid to try something new. I am not her. Never will I ever be. I am me. I am my present, my future and my past never defined me and it never will.

Things do really happen for a reason, huh?

I have met amazing new people who understand and care for me. I have met myself. I am obviously still learning because the life doesn't have a destination. Life is a journey, a never ending one but I am glad I fell into that black hole, that crazy twister. I am glad that in this journey, I have gone through so many bumps. I have scars and bruises, not real ones but internal ones from the journey so far. Sure I was not aware of most of it but here I am. Here I am looking back at it. God it was one shitty year, but I made it through. 2016 I was never afraid of you. You may have removed people and pieces from my heart, but they were all toxic so thanks.

I am not gonna lie but 2016 was not my year, it was my teacher. It taught me things and I'm glad because 2017 I am ready for you. Bring it.