A couple of days ago, I had my twentieth birthday. I resisted becoming a statistic as a teen mom. I was never arrested. I had a pretty good childhood. I am no longer a teen, as I no longer have a one at the front of my age. I'm one year from being considered a complete adult, drinking and everything. Only a couple more years until my insurance goes down. But what else is there to look forward to?
Life.
I'm not feeling 20 in the sense of feeling old. My bones only creak occasionally, and typically when I move in a way that reflected a movement made repeatedly in my sport days. I've always taken naps, so those are not a sign of age.
What I am feeling is the need to get on with my life, to get into the things most little girls dream of. I've always wanted these things, but once the number one disappeared my age seemed to begin bearing down on me. I'm ready to wear that white dress, say some vows, and have cake shoved in my face. I want to put a down payment on a little house and throw some paint on the walls. I want a dog. And let's not even begin to mention baby fever. Every month since I was about 13, baby fever rages through my body as a result of womanly hormones. But two days after my birthday and I'm nearly begging the woman at the train station to let me hold her sweet child.
I feel ready, even though I know I'm not. There is no man even relatively ready to drop to one knee for me, no man I would say yes to if he did. Strike one. A house? A dog? Please, I can barely afford to put gas in my car and apples in my fridge, let alone pay for a house and feed a dog. Strike two. And do not even get me started on a baby. So many things still need to be done on my bucket list before a child comes into the picture. Strike three.
But that's okay. I'm fine striking out every once in a while. As my dad often said, striking out only shows that you're trying. I know I'm not ready for the things my age seems to inspire. Some girls my age are. My timeline is filled with engagements, weddings, and pregnancy announcements. This fact quite possibly may not be helping.
I'm excited to get started on my life, on my dreams. To scratch items off my bucket list, and marriage and children are on that list. I have no doubts that when the time comes, the time will be perfect. Right now, the time is not.
So I'm feeling 20, feeling no longer like a teenager not ready for the world. Now I'm a 20 year old ready to jump feet first into what the world has to offer. A reckless 20 year old. Luckily, I've never been too extreme. So, I'm feeling 20, but I can wait until I'm feeling older for the things I want now.
