They're cute, they're tiny, and yes, they see you watching them. Squirrels are the most interesting creatures on a college campus. They're so used to being around people that we've all had a few interesting encounters with the furry little things. Never in my life had I been less than five feet away from a squirrel until I came to college. But the squirrels on our campus are ruthless when it comes to getting their next meal. When you stop on your walk to class to stare at a squirrel eating someone's pretzels, this is what is going through that little squirrel's head:
1. Why are you looking at me?
2. Seriously stop.
3. This is my pretzel.
4. It's Snyders of Hanover, this is quality stuff.
5. I know where you live.
6. A279 Butterfield Biatch.
7. I'm the one who stole all your Goldfish last week.
8. That's right Michael, it wasn't Sean. It was me and my squad.
9. Why do you keep showing me that rectangle and what was that bright light for?
10. I know it has an apple on it, and I don't care. Unless you have an apple that I can eat...
11. That sweater is horrendous by the way.
12. Did your mom buy it for you?? Huh, mama's boy????
13. Could you go away?
14. *Picks up pretzel.* OH DIS BISH IS MOLDY!
15. BURPP. Oh, excuse me, that was gross.
16. You're actually the biggest creep ever. I just burped, and you're smiling.
17. Okay, you have two seconds to put down the sandwich and walk away.
18. Don't tease me!
19. I'll tell Lou Anna and get your ass in trouble.
20. Thanks for the food, 'k bye.
Unless you want to get a bad case of rabies. Don't touch the squirrels. Just set down the food, and walk away slowly. But, as always, our little furry friends make up a part of our campus. So, as you walk on by, appreciate their presence. Without them, Michigan State wouldn't be the squirrel-filled campus we know and love.
