My only reason:
JUST KIDDING
Note: The purpose of this article isn't to frown upon or discredit people who have not kept their virginities until marriage. There's no "slut shaming" involved, either. It's a simple message as to why I'm choosing to keep mine and why it's not a bad thing.
Hi. I'm 19 and I am a virgin -- on purpose. Recently, I've been told that it's "sad" that I'm still a virgin and I've also been told, "You poor thing." I'm here to defend myself and other people who have made the decision to keep their virginities.
For starters, I keep my virginity because of my faith. If I didn't have Jesus, I probably wouldn't have the same morals and ethics. It's not necessarily a thing where I think I shouldn't have sex because God is going to punish me for sinning. It's not some rule that I feel I have to follow. I don't feel like I'm losing out, either. Here's why.
Most people would probably think, "Oh man. That's no fun. Jesus sounds like a fun sucker." Well, no, actually. Overall, it's a thing that's keeping me safe. By keeping my virginity, I'm not spreading STDs, not worrying about pregnancy scares, or getting pregnant with someone who may not be the right person. Best of all, I'm honoring the people I date by taking care of them and I'm also honoring my future spouse.
One of my favorite videos about this topic is one by Jefferson Bethke and his wife Alyssa.
"But I test drive a car before I buy it. How do you know you're not going to marry someone and the sex will just be awful?"
People are not cars, though. They are two eyes, a heartbeat, a soul, and feelings. Pastor Tim Keller talked about cohabiting and having sex before marriage in this quote:
"In other words, you are a dispenser of sexual goods and services, and maybe recreational goods and services, and maybe companionship goods and services. And if I think your products are a good deal for the price, which should be not high, then I will be very happy to stay with you. See, that's my answer to the question, 'What about cohabiting?' I actually think that having sex with somebody you're not married to is no preparation for having sex with someone you're married to. In fact, it teaches you all the wrong things because when you're living with somebody who could walk at any time, you're still in promotion and marketing phase. You have to be. You can't really be vulnerable."
Now, sex isn't really necessarily something you need to have "experience" with -- if you're having sex for the right reason. When you have to impress someone with your sexual performance, that's a sign that your relationship with that person outside of sex isn't healthy. Because while sex is important in a marriage, it's not the only thing that should be keeping you together. When testing the waters and making sure the sex is good becomes your top priority in a relationship, that's selfish. You're using that person as a way to get your satisfaction instead of being focused on a bond with that person, which is a major key to success in a healthy and flourishing relationship.
So, no. I don't think it's sad that I'm a virgin at 19 and I'm not doing it just to follow a rule book. I'm doing it out of honor and love for others, myself, and Jesus.
Again, this is not to project shame on people who haven't been abstinent. It's a simple explanation as to why I believe in abstinence.
Still curious? Check out the full conversation of the Tim Keller quote here.
