Racism. Sexism. Terrorism. All the other "isms." These are all things that need to come to an end. But what about the everyday problems we constantly face in the safety of our own homes? Shouldn't the American people be free to live their lives without fear? Instead of tackling the giant problems like racism and sexism, let us first start by fixing these arguably equally important issues. It's 2016. Let's stand up for our rights. Let's demand improvement. Let's make America great again.


1. The fact that the “popcorn” button on the microwave burns the popcorn.

Someone please explain the point of calling it a “popcorn” button if it always leads to the fire department showing up at my door.

2. That painful few seconds of silence during the news when they are switching to a reporter on location and the reporter is just on screen like:

Seriously, why hasn’t anyone fixed this? My iPhone FaceTime calls have less lag than this.

3.The fact that there aren’t real hover boards.

I have a theory that the government just doesn’t trust us with these.

4. Tangled headphones.

Can a scientist/physicist/astronaut please just take the time to solve this already?!

5. When the Wi-Fi doesn’t work.

I have no idea how Wi-Fi works in the first place, so let’s not waste any time and just make it available to me 24/7. I don’t care if I’m on top of a mountain. I have important tweets to send out.

6. When your straw isn’t tall enough for the bottle.

The straw company and the bottle company need to exchange phone numbers.

7. The thing that says “continue playing” on Netflix.

It's only been two episodes. I'm not even close to being done. I’m not quite sure what other kinds of plans Netflix thinks I may have...

8. The fact that when you drop your phone from the roof of a building it's fine, but when it falls two feet the glass shatters.

My phone should have shattered a dozen times, but it only took one random drop from my hand to the floor for it all to be over.

9. When the inside of the pizza roll oozes out even though you baked it for the proper amount of time.

THESE ARE DELICIOUS. PLEASE FIX THIS ASAP.

10.When the pencil sharpener does this thing.

Someone out there knows how to make this never happen again. Find them.

11. That we still have to tie our shoes.

Ain’t nobody got time for that.

12. That there’s no real cure for hiccups.

They can open up your body, take out your appendix, and sew you back up, just like it never happened, but hiccups are, for some reason, a lost cause.

13. That umbrellas still flip inside out.

This has been happening since the first umbrella was ever invented. Millions of genius minds have used umbrellas, but not one has come up with a solution to avoid this.

14. When your iPhone doesn’t recognize your fingerprint.

What’s the point of the fingerprint recognition if it’s slower than typing in a four-digit passcode?

15. When your straw doesn’t get every last drop of liquid.

If you add up all the little amounts of liquid left over in drinks because the straw couldn’t get it all, you could probably fill up a small pool or something. Maybe.

16. The fact that you need to charge your phone at least once a day.

All I’m asking for is to use my phone nonstop 24 hours a day and never have it die. Is that too much?

17. When your iMessage sends as a text message.

The green just isn’t as pretty as the blue.

18. That milk still goes bad.

I feel like as a species we have fallen terribly behind in our milk technology. We’ve been drinking milk for centuries, but still can’t make it last more than a couple of weeks. They’re putting weird chemicals in our food anyway, might as well add this to the list.