Organized, calm, practical, and insane. Those are just a few words I'd pick to describe the mind of a stage manager. It's not an easy job by any means, but often times it can get overlooked since there is no real definition of stage managing–you kinda just do, well, everything. From sending out call information to giving notes on the director's behalf to babysitting a bunny (literally has happened before), stage managers are the jacks-of-all-trades in the theatre world. Having stage managed on a professional and collegiate level, believe me when I say it's the best and worst job you'll ever have. If you, too, have had the amazing experience that is stage managing, then you'll definitely relate to these 17 thoughts all stage managers have had at one point or another.
1) Thank GOD for my ASM
Your ASM (assistant stage manager) is your saving grace from day one. They keep you sane, keep you in check, and help you out when your plate is overflowing. Your job would not be possible without them!
2) That's not practical
You want someone to do a full costume change in a total blackout in six seconds? Nope, sorry, can't be done.
3) I'm sorry, you want us to build what?!
I once had a director ask us to build him a crystal chandelier. WHY?! JUST BUY ONE FOR PETE'S SAKE.
4) Ugh, I still have to send out the rehearsal report...
The paperwork is never ending.
5) That's not your job.
Don't mess with my computer, don't mess with my SM kit, don't mess with my props... just don't touch anything, okay?
6) That's not MY job!
7) This cast is so amazing!
8) Holy shit we're actually making a show
Despite the struggles and constant mishaps and downfalls, your hard work is finally paying off!
9) Time to plan the director's gift!
Only the best gift for your incredible director. Most likely something related to the show, or an inside joke with the cast, and definitely some type of alcohol will be involved.
10) Tech week? Shit.
Rehearsals every day, constant problems everywhere you turn, and somehow trying to keep your head above water while maintaining good grades and a social life? Something's gonna fall through the cracks (hint: it's the social life).
11) Don't. Drop. Your. Lines.
If the actors drop their lines, it messes up your calling pattern for lights, sound, entrances and exits. Dropped lines can ruin an entire show, and throw off the flow of the actors.
12) WAIT FOR MY "GO" DAMMIT
Stop hitting buttons when you're not supposed to hit buttons!
13) No, you can't pee at intermission
Too bad, kids. Hold it 'til curtain, cause ain't nobody going in or out of my booth until our jobs are done.
14) Can this whole process please just be over?
It's too much work, too much pressure, and not enough time to sleep. Please let it end.
15) I need therapy
16) Strike? No!
Can't we just do one more performance?
17) How long until the next show?!
Cause let's face it: stage managing is like a drug you just can't quit.
