1. "Come home I'm lonely" 

Where are you. Miss you.

2. "I need to shit, shower and sleep"

Order may vary.

3. "Sorry I ate all your snacks"

Your box of Cheez-Its was gone in five minutes.

4. "Yikes we really need to clean"

Still, we have yet to...

5. "I have no clothes."

I mean I do, just none I want to wear...

6. "I really need to do laundry"

I have said this for a few days straight now

7. "Can I borrow your _______"

What's yours is mine, friend!!!

8. "Does it smell funny in here?"

Like.. BO or old food or feet???

9. "UGH I don't wanna go to class"

Followed with: "You need to go, you've missed the past three classes."

10. "We should work out"

But, we should also get bacon, egg and cheeses...

11. "Will you make sure I wake up in the morning?"

Thank you for being my human alarm clock!

12. "I just booted in the toilet"

Nasty, but it's ok we've all been there.

13. "Last night was sooooo rough." 

Tell me more!

 14. "I'll take out the trash this time."

Hey, just trying to do my part here.

15. "What the hell happened to you last night?"

Like seriously I almost called campus police.

16. "I'm sleeping as long as I can tomorrow"

Hope this isn't a problem.

17. "We should get some things, redecorate a little bit" 

Nope still have the same shit we started with.