Oh there's a feast day this weekend? Are we going to Grandma and Grandpa's? What time are all 50 of us going to go to mass? Will there be enough pews for us? Some one better go up early and save us at least two rows. Who's staying back with the younger cousins? If you grew up Catholic, chances are I could spot you from only a few rosary lengths away. The signs are all there: quietly muttering a Hail Mary when you hear sirens, having a random rosary on you at any given time, apologizing for everything, or unavailable on most Sunday's. It really isn't hard to tell, especially if you yourself grew up in such a house. But in case you need a clear picture, here are some other obvious signs.
1. You have a BIG family
Bringing a boy/girl home for the holidays to meet your parents is one thing, but when it comes to bringing them to the BIG family gatherings thats where the true test lies. You better pray he's a church goer.
2. The name of your grade school began with "St. ..."
It could be something as simple as Saint John's or it could be a mouthful like Saint Wenceslaus, which as a kid I totally thought they made some of those names up because what Saint could possibly be named Wenceslaus? Little did I know. Also, how did everyone not get to celebrate catholic schools week?! Those were the days.
3. Your family uses "God is watching" as a super effective warning to behave
At 7 years old there was nothing more terrifying than picturing your whole family getting through the gates of heaven except you because you decided to throw a fit in the grocery store. Mistakes.
4. Explaining all the feast days your family celebrates is useless
me: "I can't, I have a family thing."
Friend: "Oh, what for?"
me: "Oh just the feast of the holy family"
friend: "....the what?"
5. Comparing who got the best ashes on Ash Wednesday
You know exactly what I mean! There's the ashes where it looks like you accidentally rubbed your forehead after working with chalk then there's the kind that look like a nice cross with two perfect thumb strokes, no in between.
6. "I gave it up for Lent"
There's just no getting around it. Unless its a challenge you look like a copout. T.V., Candy, Pop, Social media, even fast food! If it's not something that you regret committing to every day until Easter than you better start praying, hard. (Saying you can have it on Sunday's only doesn't count!)
7. Missing church makes you feel like sh*t
Lets face it, church may not have been your favorite growing up, but missing a Sunday service sure leaves you feeling guilty as ever!
8. DO NOT get sleepy in church
You don't know just how hard mom can pinch until your 2nd to 3rd head bob.
9. You're only half joking when you say you're probably going to hell
10. Your First Communion dress has been passed down through too many relatives to count
When it came to dressing up wearing that white dress or black suit was like a trial run for your wedding. Personally I would never have taken that crown off if my mom hadn't made me.
11. Always asking for a dollar to put in the basket
Yeah Father, I did just put $5 in the basket, who loves Jesus now?
12. Always receiving a holy item of some kind from someone on every birthday
It could be a cross, rosary, bible, catholic youth book, holy water, you name it!
13. Priests are like your principal, parents, and God all rolled into one
Sitting and waiting for your turn to give confession is like waiting for judgement day.
14. Always taking a church bulletin whether you read it or not
It could be proof to mom that you went or just because you feel bad passing the nice looking adult passing them out as you leave, either way its gonna end up rolled somewhere.
15. Bible camp.
Whether you were participating or finally old enough to be a leader, those catchy tunes about Jesus and God won't leave your head for MONTHS.
16. JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR
I don't care who you are, you know you could jam out to this soundtrack any day of the week!
As you get older and you begin to really understand what being Catholic means these examples are just what you knew. Although I only identify as culturally catholic now, feeling a great appreciation for the church but not subscribing to its core beliefs, it in no way means that growing up in a catholic household was a negative experience for me. I gained an incredible amount of life lessons to thank the catholic church for, my instilled sense of compassion, to do the right thing because I should, and the urge to help others are things that I've always been thankful to have been taught. But when your 7th grade teacher tells you your dad is going to hell because he isn't baptized kind of leaves some lasting effects on a kid ya know? It took me years to shake that fear in itself. In the end how you were raised is a huge basis for your future sensibilities and I'll never regret mine.
Also: Grandma, If you're reading this, I have never skipped mass ever!
