16 Reasons Being A Grandma Beats Going Out
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16 Reasons Being A Grandma Beats Going Out

You wouldn't want me getting less than 15 hours of sleep anyway.

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16 Reasons Being A Grandma Beats Going Out

The Keurig spits out the last of its boiled water and suddenly the soft smell of jasmine aromatizes around you. You take your tea and mozy underneath your comforter. Hell, wrap that fleece throw around your shoulders. Blanket cape, check. According to Best I Ever Had, but opposed to your front camera, you look pretty. Your hair lies in a messy bun, your sun-deprived face free of any and all make-up. Cracked, pale legs hide under your coziest pair of sweatpants, matching the oversized sweatshirt of your choice. Your toes are snug under the covers, wiggling ever so often. The thoughts floating in and out of your head are not as abrasive as they would be if you were, say, anywhere else. You continue watching The Office, as the only heat you’re currently interested in resides in the magic Internet box hiked atop of your thighs. You sip your tea.

You turn your head. Although your Weather app claims it’s ten degrees outside, you know it’s more like negative ten, accounting for the lake effect and wind chill. Your roommate waves goodbye, two suspicious water bottles lay under the wing of her $12 leather jacket. Compared to your toasty loins, hers look absolutely upsetting, as if you can see them turning purple already. She leaves, and now it’s ready to party. Www.grubhub.com, please.

I guess my point is, why go out to a crowded bar when you can eat an entire pizza and drink an entire bottle of wine in your bed? Here are some reasons why being a grandma trumps going out, every time.

1. After a long week, bed is practically calling your name.

2. In fact, as soon as lunch rolls around on Friday you’ve already made your plans for the evening.

3. Here comes the fun part - what are you gonna watch? A doc? A sitcom? Rom-com? The possibilities are endless!

4. Last class ends. Time to hightail it back to the sweet solace that is your room.

5. But here they come - the dreaded, "what are you doing tonight?" from conceivably every peer on campus you've spoken to more than once.

6. To which you respond with a modest, "Oh, I think I'm going to stay in tonight."

7. Like you had any doubts in the first place.

8. In fact, it's like each time someone calls you lame, you grow stronger. More blankets appear.

9. It's not like you chose to be a direct descendant of the Queen of Comfort.

10. After bearing the process that is the pre-pre-game, you can finally bask in complete nirvana.

11. In fact, your garlic knots should be here soon.

12. Okay, you ate all the garlic knots. Time to pick a flick.

13. You decide to go with a classic you've never seen, say Moonrise Kingdom or the latest Planet Earth.

14. And finally, after a week of straight academic bullshit, you have absolutely nothing to do. It feels amazing, doesn't it?

15. And the best part about being a grandma? Your sleep will never be better.

16. Until your drunk roommate calls you 22 times because she locked herself out at 4 AM.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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