1. I love college, how am I supposed to leave?

While simultaneously thinking, get me the f out of here.

2. What the hell am I going to do with my life?

Is it too late for a Mrs. degree?

3. How do freshmen have so much energy?

Seriously, I don’t get it. I’m exhausted just thinking about the crop tops and bro tanks chugging Bernett’s.

4. Can we do an office bar crawl?

I volunteer as t-shirt designer!

5. But, I don’t want to move home… except I’m broke.

And I don’t have a job (yet) and I have debt and I’m about to be homeless.

6. How am I going to work 9-5 every single day?

Making my 12:40 pm was a stretch, especially after half-off Ricks.

7. Cs get degrees, right?

Surviving not thriving has become my life motto.

8. How am I supposed to be an adult if I still look and feel like I’m 19?

If my ID still gets questioned every time I go to the bar, I must not be ready or qualified to be an adult yet.

9. I can still week-day-darty with a job, right?

I can picture it now, strategizing and discussing the week’s agenda in-between rounds of flip cup!

10. What’s the attendance policy at work?

Will they take my doctor’s notes?

11. Are joggers acceptable work attire?

Fridays are jersey days, right? Can I still dress up for Halloween? Do I have to buy a blazer?

12. Can I still use my on-campus meal plan?

I think I have like ten swipes left, that should last me a while. I’ll just hide food in my briefcase instead of my backpack; I’ll be good to go!

13. How can I make bank while hardly doing any work?

It’s like work hard play hard, but without the work or the play because I get tired simply thinking about work. Maybe I’ll go on the Bachelor and become an Instagram model! Oh, what a life.

14. Can I just stay at college?

Now that I think about it, the alternate reality of college sounds so much better than the reality of being an adult who isn’t in college.

15. Now that I think about it, my parent’s basement doesn’t sound too bad.

It’s mostly warm, it doesn’t smell too bad, and I’ll get to share a room with the washer and dryer so I’ll always have clean clothes!