There’s a special look of confused concern people have when I tell them I'm an English major. A lot of this comes from the stereotypes that circulate about every major, but also just from a lack of knowledge about what English majors actually do.
We don’t all want to become teachers. Three kids are cute, but 40? I have absolutely no idea how any of my teachers stayed sane.
Or want to write the next Fifty Shades of Grey or Twilight. The only Grey in my heart is Meredith, and the only wolves are of the teen variety on MTV.
Some of us don’t even want to be writers at all. Depending on the university, students can choose a writing or literature emphasis with their major.
In fact, there are a lot of careers one can pursue with an English degree. A lot of jobs require reading, writing, and language communication skills i.e. lawyer, newscaster, columnist, or editor just to name a few.
Surprisingly, we do not want to hear your opinions on how you think we’re going to be poor. We are fully aware of the possibility of an unstable income. We are pursuing what we love, and your opinion is irrelevant.
We weren’t all spelling bee champions. Spellcheck saves lives, and reputations.
Not all of us are silently correcting your grammar. But texting “ur” instead of “your” stopped being socially acceptable in like 2010. 
We don’t all love Shakespeare. Some of us hated Macbeth just as much as you did in high school. Clearly, Lady Macbeth had a hand washing problem, and should've avoided balconies. Spoiler alert: everybody dies, nobody cares. 
Many of us use SparkNotes too. Just because it’s great literature, doesn’t mean it’s interesting -- or better than Netflix.
We still have homework. Although it’s not for microeconomics or organic chemistry, at least those questions always have a definitive answer. In English, everything is possible, until it’s not. Your professor may not know what Plato meant, Plato might not even know what he meant, but your idea is definitely wrong.
Not all of us drink a lot of whiskey and chain smoke like Hemingway. Writing drunk seems more stressful than anything else. “Why are all the letters moving?!” Not that I would know or anything.
Most of us don't use unnecessarily complex words and ideas just to be pretentious. And when the few of us that do try and get away with it, irritation is most definitely felt and often acted upon. We get it; you did very well on your SATs. Now go away.
We don’t spend all of our time in coffee shops, or even like coffee. Coffee tastes like sadness.
Loving poetry is not a requirement. There are poetry enthusiasts and slam poets among us, but some of us shudder at the poetry unit on the syllabus every semester. Nope. Not now. Not ever.
We don’t all like cats. Cats are gross. No other explanation necessary.
But we do love books. Regardless of debates over the bookstore or library, Kindles or paperbacks, "great literature" or teen fiction, books are what we do. No one messes with our books. Don't say I didn't warn you.
