There's no doubt about it: Dwight Schrute, the serious yet seriously clueless pseudo-intellectual character who sports a terrible haircut, poor taste in fashion and exists as the purveyor of all things beet, is the most quoted character from "The Office." Dwight's bizarre perspectives will forever continue to be quoted due to their magnificent novelty, hilarity and all-out ridiculousness. Without further adieu, I present to you my favorite quotes by none other than Dwight K. Schrute.

1. Let's be real: Jack Bauer is the ideal sidekick.

"Once I’m officially Regional Manager, my first order of business will be to demote Jim Halpert. So I will need a new number two. My ideal choice? Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable. Fictional. And overqualified."

2. Just in case...

"I have a wig of every person in the office."

3. Survival of the fittest

"Everyone, follow me to the shelter. We’ve got enough food for 14 days. After that, we have a difficult conversation."

4. In Dwight's ideal world...

"In an ideal world I would have all ten fingers on my left hand and the right one would just be left for punching."

5. On a scale of snake to mongoose, how fast are you?

"I am fast. To give you a reference point, I am somewhere between a snake and a mongoose� and a panther. I am fast."

6. Shunning

"Jim, could you please inform Andy Bernard that he is being shunned?"

7. "Pay attention," says somebody. Dwight's response:

"You couldn’t handle my undivided attention."

8. The perfect crime

"What is my perfect crime? I break into Tiffany’s at midnight. Do I go for the vault? No, I go for the chandelier. It’s priceless. As I’m taking it down, a woman catches me. She tells me to stop. It’s her father’s business. She’s Tiffany. I say no. We make love all night. In the morning, the cops come and I escape in one of their uniforms. I tell her to meet me in Mexico, but I go to Canada. I don’t trust her. Besides, I like the cold. Thirty years later, I get a postcard. I have a son and he’s the chief of police. This is where the story gets interesting. I tell Tiffany to meet me in Paris by the Trocadero. She’s been waiting for me all these years. She’s never taken another lover. I don’t care. I don’t show up. I go to Berlin. That’s where I stashed the chandelier."

9. Cholesterol

Dwight: "Through concentration, I can raise and lower my cholesterol at will."
Pam: "Why would you want to raise your cholesterol?"
Dwight: "So I can lower it."

10. You can never hurt my feelings

"My feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man."

11. Dwight's stance on healthcare

"In the wild, there is no health care. In the wild, health care is: ow, I hurt my leg; I can't run; a lion eats me, and I'm dead. Well, I'm not dead. I'm the lion. You're dead."

12. Smiling is for the weak

"I never smile if I can help it…. Showing one’s teeth is a submission signal in primates. When someone smiles at me, all I see is a chimpanzee begging for its life."

13. The second amendment

"People say, ‘oh it’s dangerous to keep weapons in the home, or the workplace.’ Well I say, it’s better to be hurt by someone you know, accidentally, than by a stranger, on purpose."

14. The most menacing letter in the alphabet

"'R' is the most menacing sound in the English language. That’s why it’s called 'murder' and not 'muck duck.' "

15. We need a new plague

"Why are all these people here? There are too many people on this earth. We need a new plague."