I have this completely irrational anger towards anyone who is a noisy eater. I don’t know why it happens, but it does. My anger used to only happen when someone talked with food in their mouth or smacked their lips. Now my anger is directed toward anyone who makes noise while they chew food. It’s like everything they do is magnified. I hear every noise and it just makes me so mad and uncomfortable. I always try to stay silent about my irrational anger because I do realize how irrational it is. People have to eat and who am I to stop them? Apparently there is a word for someone who can’t stand noisy eaters. It’s called Misophonia. It basically just means that I am annoyed by certain sounds. These are the 15 irrational thoughts that I have around noisy eaters:

1. I want to stab you with a fork.

I told you I have an irrational anger towards noisy eaters. It’s not normal. But it is also not normal for someone to eat like a washing machine.

2. Close your mouth. Please, Please close your mouth.

I don’t want to see the food that you are chewing. I just want you to chew it and make it disappear.

3. Nope, don't talk to me when you're like that.

Why do people try to talk with food in their mouths? It's not attractive. I don’t want to see your food! It’s even worse when the food falls out of your mouth...

4. Is that spittle?

5. I hope you choke on that meat and rot in a hole.

I know that sounds aggressive...but once you stop eating I will love you again.

6. Do you not hear the sound your mouth makes?

How does that sound not make you squirm?

7. I will smack you.

8. You chew like a cow that has never seen grass before.

There is nothing normal about the way you are chewing that food.

I get that the food is good, but I don't want to hear how good it is.

9. Yeah if you could not make that noise that would be great.

How do you even make that noise? Is it the same noise with everything? Not everything is smackable and yet with you it is!

10. I'm plotting your murder in my head.

I can’t do it anymore. This is it, isn’t it? I am going to finally snap.

11. Am I the only one who hears this?

Seriously though, no one else can hear that?

12. Can't you chew at a normal volume?

Everyone else at this table can chew normally but not you? Have you ever heard the people at a movie theater who chew popcorn like it’s taffy? You can hear everything they chew like they're sitting right next to you and it’s awful.

13. Make it stop!

14. No wait! Don't go back for more food!

Please don’t make me hurt you.

15. Is there a way to politely tell you that the way you chew makes me want to throw up?

No? Okay, I will just continue to keep my irrational anger to myself. That's healthy right? Why does it make me so mad? Even when I chew I gross myself out if make a weird noise with my mouth. But hey I can't be the only one, right?