Like every Starbucks drink, men come in variety. Some are spicy, some are sweet, some are savory, and some lack flavor entirely. Some are light, some are dark, some are a combination of both. Some have great balance, and some have one dominating flavor. Like every Starbucks item, there's room for modification and room for accommodation to fit your taste buds, but let's be honest... a latte will never be the same as a mocha without some serious revision. Here are 14 different Starbucks drinks and the type of men they represent.**

1. Strawberry Acai Starbucks Refreshers

This man is fruity and lofty and can be seen walking around campus wearing a floral shirt, different from the Hawaiian dad shirt we will discuss later. He is 5'7", has dirty blond shaggy hair he keeps pushed back by his ex-girlfriend's baby pink lulu lemon headband. He raves about his ukulele skills and wants you to know that he knows you know he speaks two words of French. He isn't your favorite, but he doesn't disrupt your day at a whopping 90 calories per serving, you can calmly and confidently spend time with him without the added baggage.

2. White Chocolate Mocha

This man is so damn sweet you can't fathom having two in a row. This one will smother you, compliment your chipped nail polish, telling you he's never seen something so beautiful. He'll tell you he loves you after the first date and will ask you to make every important life decision for him afterwards. He won't understand your signals and even when you tell him you're not interested, he'll claim to always be there for you and be your best friend. Until he finds someone else to be infatuated with. He can be seen wearing low-cut jeans with toms and a white v-neck under a comfy flannel.

3. Iced American(o)

So this man pretends to be super chill, but we all know his hidden-agenda. Iced Americano males are 6'0", wear dark tailored dress pants, and tuck in their popping-at-the-buttons aubergine dress shirts (Sherlock fans, you know exactly what I'm hinting at). This man will treat you right, but leave you immediately at sight of his hobbies and career. He's independent and can't be tied down, but he's reliable and an easy go-to before your five hours of back to back class.

4. Pumpkin Spice Latte

Damn. Well he's seasonal, just like the PSL. He's the type of guy every girl thinks she wants, but not every girl will be able to handle. His spice might turn you off, or turn you on, it's all about your preference, but nobody can argue that once you've had one sip you're intrigued what the rest might have in stock. He will be sassy one minute and a complete bore the next. His mood swings will throw you off guard, but the last drop will remind you of him forever. Best made with soy-milk. Trust me on this, I'm a barista and a serial dater.

5. Nariño 70 Cold Brew

This one is a surprise for all. He's thick and creamy and has a way of rolling his "r's" in a way that just makes you say "oh, can you say that again? I missed it the first time." You can only have him in small doses, otherwise you'll probably combust. Let's be honest though, you really don't need more than just a sip of this tall drink of cold brew to get you going. This man has his dark hair slicked back, smells like Armani, and wears dark boot-cut jeans that create the illusion of a nice butt shelf. He's anything but mainstream.

6. Medium Roast

This is probably your current boyfriend, if you have a boyfriend. He's very reliable, you know how to modify him to your liking each day -- adding an extra sugar or a dash of cinnamon when you're feeling more spice -- but at his core, he's just normal and comfortable. You know exactly who he is and what he has to offer. This man can be seen at Walgreens buying his girlfriend snacks and cold medicine when she's sick. He's a total dad and loves taking care of the ones he loves.

7. Hot Chocolate

Everybody knows when he's in the room and he won't let you forget this. This man is sweet, but oddly comforting. Not like his close similar, white chocolate mocha, this one isn't as sweet and has better balance. He isn't as hyper and will leave you feeling cozy. He's like your childhood best friend, you don't talk much anymore, but when you do, you hit it off like you never stopped. He's the one you can turn to when exams have you stressed out of your mind and all you need is a quick pick-me-up.

8. Tazo Zen

Does this guy ever do anything? Nobody knows, but he's a hippie and a GDI. He wears beanies, oversized ugly sweaters that drape over his lanky frame, black skinny jeans and high top converse. He's pale, has shaggy blonde hair and plays multiple instruments. Can be found in the corner of hipster town browsing through albums and discussing the growth of his beloved plant, Uma. He's a cat lover and knows how to comfort his friends by distracting them from immediate obligations.

9. Iced Maple Pecan Latte

This guy sounds sweet, but he's anything but. He's kinda crunchy, kinda nutty, and very confused. He's the guys who will never participate in a group project, but will complain when it's not done the right way. He's kind of a sneaky one. He can be charming, his jokes are fine, but he falls short on delivery and punch line. He'll satisfy you for a while, but leave you craving something different.

10. Macha Latte, Soy, No Whip

This guy walks around with a braided beard, braided hair, and dad sandals. You hate to love him, but you can't resist his vibe. He has a close group of friends that's difficult to infiltrate and only cares about his degree in mechanical engineering. He may or may not have his left earlobe pierced, but that's up to you to find out because he's not one to show off anything.

11. Salted Caramel Mocha Frapp

Remember that Hawaiian dad-shirt fellow? Well this is him. He's got some baggage, heavy baggage, but he's a sweat heart. Once you get past the fact that he will always be a bit salty and a bit sweet, you can truly understand that he just wants to be wanted. Most people love him, but he will not love back easily. Hidden behind his cheerful exterior, this guy is mysterious, icy, salty, and a bit sweet.

12. Espresso

Your locally trusted 'tender. This man will always be there for you, his pours are accurate and generous and he ensures quality mixed beverages (root beer for those under age). He watches you like a hawk and makes sure nobody creepy approaches you. This man is burly and stocky and constantly has a two-day-o'clock shadow. You know you can rely on him and he's your go-to guy on those special ladies nights out.

13. Unicorn Frappe

He walks in wearing a purple amoeba pattern shirt and bright blue khakis, but leaves wearing blue jeans and a white tshirt. This one is a WHOLE LOT OF WEIRD. Just kidding, he's actually pretty underwhelming. His appearance and first impression leads you to think he'll be goofy, wacky, different, and a lot of fun. But then he kinda sucks once you get to know him and spending too much time with him makes you really sick, gives you a killer headache, and leaves you pondering if mango syrup should really be blue? What? Talk about sensory overload.

14. Something off the HIDDEN Menu

This one will always be a mystery and a hit or miss. This guy doesn't flaunt himself, never flirts, and sends you mixed signals, which means you never know if you can order him or not. Varying by location, you either get something you love or hate. If you're bold and daring enough, go ahead and try one because if you're left disappointed, at least you can say you tried it once. Good luck.

**disclaimer** These are all arbitrary and satirical observations, not intended to represent reality.