I have to reference the phase whose participants want nothing more than for this world to relish entirely; the scene phase. On multiple occasions, I had teased my hair. I had more than an island rope’s worth of hair dyed pink at one point. I distinctly remember the day I dragged my family into Hot Topic to buy me a 50 percent off any band tee, because I had died of embarrassment. The extra large Pierce the Veil cotton tee is a preferred choice in the pajama laundry round.

I’ve been listening to a lot of All Time Low lately, but not on purpose. For often it comes on shuffle when I am preoccupied, say, brushing my teeth. Full-fledge concert, tears streaming down my face. What just happened? I've been switching back to my "mood" playlist on Spotify, chock full of bangers by Brand New, The Wonder Years. Who remembers “Jersey” by Mayday Parade?

I hung Christmas lights up in my dorm to properly rebel against the Fire and Safety rules. My response to any activity that involves moving is limited to, “I’d prefer not to.” I spend a lot of time laughing at a computer screen.

A string of sunlight keeps toying with me. It’s punishing me for being too lazy to get up and shut the hall light off. My car is covered in snow. The Keurig farts out some hot water. I put a frozen towel on the sensor. I forget I made tea. I also didn’t want this to be a first person story. I’ve been working on characters and motives. Facebook, scroll for too long. Twitter, scroll for a few seconds. LinkedIn, every single person has their shit together more than you. Instead of marinating in professional uncertainty, it's more attuned to freak out and convince yourself that none of this "college" shtick is going to work. At least you're better off than you were when you were 13.

1. You don't wear bottom eyeliner everyday.

2. You haven't said "I want to stretch my ears" in a year+.

3. Your hair has been more function than fashion.

4. You can listen to a band you love and not cry.

(Exceptions, of course.)

5. Youuu don'ttt type like thisssss anymoreee.

6. Your editing skills have immensely grown! You almost never use word art on your Instagram photos

The selfie angle, the hand on the hip, the sunglasses from Josh Cohen's bat mitzvah. Everything about this makes me want to vom.

7. You don't wear hot pink skinny jeans anymore.

8. Or neon green skinny jeans.

9. You also don't call them skinny jeans anymore. Jeans.

11. You're a writer now! You used to fantasize about doing exactly what you do now. Ease up on yourself a little, you're on the right track.

12. No more "P.E."

13. Sorry seventh grade me, no boyfriend yet. But, you are really, really smart, funny and goodlooking. So yeah, you're doing well.