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13 Ways Berry College Is Just Like Portlandia

"I had to take a sick day; I'm so sick of these people."

Noah Wagner

Mar 07, 2016

Berry College

likesuccess.com

Hipsters: They're everywhere, man. And they come in so many flavors. Some are crunchy, some are a weird mix of mustache wax and micro-brews and others are all natural vegans, but everyday is "cheat day." One show has taken to making fun of a particular strain of hipsters from Portland, Ore.: "Portlandia," an IFC comedy on Netflix starring Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein. And you know where else there's a high concentration of hipsters? That's right, Berry College. So here are a few ways the hipsters of Portlandia are just like the hipsters of Berry College.

1. That one guy who really, really loves his Patagonia.

Oh hey, dude, that guy has the same one as you...and so does that guy...huh.

2. How the Berry Bookstore and Oak Hill Gift Shop sell anything and everything with the Berry Bald Eagles on it.

3. Those girls who block the dessert counter because they can't decide if they want the peanut butter cookies or the chocolate chip ones.

Can I just scoot by real quick? 'Scuse me, sorry...sorry...

4. Hanging around after a late night to see if you can take some of the extra food back to your dorm with you.

5. With the new stadium, a lot of people are going to have to learn how to cheer for a sports team now.

"Sports!"

6. The day you mistakenly run into the not-so-friendly campus feminist.

7. When everyone and their grandma are up at the Res.

8. And when there are some seriously under/over prepared people up there too.

9. When you start to realize that Yik Yak kinda sucks, and half the time it's just freshmen looking for hook-ups.

Meet hot new singles in your area or read complaints about D-hall.

10. That awkward sexual experience with one of your peers for the first time.

11. And it's not as spontaneous or satisfying like you expected.

...But there will be sweat and a max of two minutes of cuddling.

12. That one off-campus tourist that feels that it's appropriate to treat you like a tour guide.

Leave the bubble Simba, and never return.

13. And when you finally get that night outside the Berry Bubble.

"Bro! You just spilled your drink on my Chacos!"

Check out "Portlandia" on Netflix today!

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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13 Ways Berry College Is Just Like Portlandia

"I had to take a sick day; I'm so sick of these people."

1. That one guy who really, really loves his Patagonia.

2. How the Berry Bookstore and Oak Hill Gift Shop sell anything and everything with the Berry Bald Eagles on it.

3. Those girls who block the dessert counter because they can't decide if they want the peanut butter cookies or the chocolate chip ones.

4. Hanging around after a late night to see if you can take some of the extra food back to your dorm with you.

5. With the new stadium, a lot of people are going to have to learn how to cheer for a sports team now.

6. The day you mistakenly run into the not-so-friendly campus feminist.

7. When everyone and their grandma are up at the Res.

8. And when there are some seriously under/over prepared people up there too.

9. When you start to realize that Yik Yak kinda sucks, and half the time it's just freshmen looking for hook-ups.

10. That awkward sexual experience with one of your peers for the first time.

11. And it's not as spontaneous or satisfying like you expected.

12. That one off-campus tourist that feels that it's appropriate to treat you like a tour guide.

13. And when you finally get that night outside the Berry Bubble.

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"I'm hopeless and awkward and desperate for love"

1. That Time He Tested Out His Flirting Skills and This Happened

2. When He Was Willing to Do Anything to Avoid Confrontation

3. When He Couldn't Handle Awkward, Emotional Situations

4. How He Reacted Whenever His Friends Ignored Him

5. All of the Times He Worried About His Failing Love Life

6. Whenever He Tried to Whip Himself Into Shape

7. How He Handled New People and New Experiences

8. Whenever His Friends Got Annoying, He Was Always the Voice of Reason

9. He Always Knew How to Jam

10. He Finds a Way to Make Any Situation More Fun

No, I can't help you.

1. When a customer wants to return a product, hands you the receipt, where is printed "ALL SALES ARE FINAL" in all caps.

2. Just because you might be having a bad day, and you're in a crappy mood, doesn't make it okay for you to yell at me or be rude to me. I'm a person with feelings, just like you.

3. People refusing to be put on hold when a customer is standing right in front of you. Oh, how I wish I could just hang up on you!

4. Having the same conversations over and over again! To be honest I really don't even want to talk to you right now, or have this fake ass smile on my face!

5. Always having to have a smile on your face. I promise I'm not as happy as I may look!

6. Customers not understanding that sometimes, mistakes happen. I am a human being, we all mess up sometimes!

7. Having the boss from hell, it's their way or the highway! Even though I did my job correctly and efficiently, if I don't do it the exact way you do, I'm a piece of shit.

8. Having coworker who don't help out, who bend the rules just enough to screw you over.

9. Having to be at work after closing because a customer is taking forever and half! Not like I'd like to go home or anything!

10. Having shitty hours and more shifts than you asked for. Just because we don't have enough workers, doesn't mean I want to pick up every shift that you cant cover, oh great boss of mine!

11. Not having time for a social life. It gets old saying, "I can't I have work..." Every day of the week!

12. Having that lazy costumer who can't do anything for themselves... no please I'll get that, it's no problem at all!

It's just my face, I swear.

1. When you meet new people, they automatically assume you hate them or are rude.

2. People are constantly asking you if you're OK.

3. After being friends with someone for a while, they confess to you, "I thought you were so mean when I first met you," or, "I thought you hated me."

4. You get told to smile more, but they don't understand how scary that would be.

5. You're always labeled as seeming "judgy."

6. Passing a friend with your RBF in full force and not realizing you just shot them a death glare.

7. Being sarcastic, but everyone thinks you're outright rude.

8. Not knowing how mean you really look until you see a picture of yourself in resting face.

9. Your apologies never sound sincere because of your emotionless face.

10. Your "mad face" scares you.

11. And, lastly, people are constantly asking you if you are happy or having a good time because you look bored to death.

Please hold your blonde joke.

1. "Is Elle Woods your spirit animal?"

2. "Is that your natural hair color?"

3. "Oh wow, you get good grades at school?"

4. "You must really like the color pink!"

5. "You’re probably not into sports, right?"

6. "You must have such a bubbly personality."

7. "Your wardrobe must consist of all things preppy."

8. "What sorority are you in?"

9. "You were probably a cheerleader in high school."

10. "You look like you’re from L.A. because your hair is so light."

11. "You definitely like Pumpkin Spiced Lattes from Starbucks!"

12. "Do you actually think blondes have more fun?"

13. "You must encompass the typical “white girl” stereotype."

14. "Is that daddy’s credit card you’re using?"

15. "So all of your friends are blonde too?"

16. "I’m surprised about you; I thought you would be a lot ditsier."

The world's greatest university meets the world's greatest show.

1. When you get your acceptance letter

2. When you try to figure out how class enrollment works

3. When it’s move in day

4. When you arrive on campus and see all of the attractive people

5. FROG Week

6. When you find your squad

7. When you visit DHall (RIP) or EHall for the first time

8. When you take on way too many credits

9. When you go to your first party at JMU

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