This article cannot in any way, shape or form replace professional help. If you or someone you know is in immediate danger please report to the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-8255

The second season of Netflix's original TV show 13 Reasons Why comes out May 18th, and as I re-watch the first season, I felt a different feeling than I did before. A certain nostalgia. Of course, high school is universal, and everyone deals with some sort of grief in the midst of it, and 13 Reasons Why is fiction to a certain extent. So as I watch Clay have these flashbacks of Hannah Baker's life, it hits me:

I felt nostalgia because it was me. I was Hannah Baker.

Don't get me wrong, Hollywood completely dramatizes suicide and depression... to a certain extent. By no means am I saying that there were 13 people that led me to want to kill myself, or that I made tapes to spite them for everything my perpetrators did to me. That's unrealistic.

However, my senior year of high school and the following year, was the lowest point of my life. So, in the words of Hannah Baker herself:

"Get a snack. Settle in. 'Cause I'm about to tell you the story of my life."

1. It all started with a boy, much like Justin Foley

My senior year, I was in a "good" place. I ended my relationship with my high school sweetheart, I had peaked in appearance, and I had a lot of friends who had a lot of fun (if you know what I mean). My friends pressured me into dating this lower class-man, who to be fair was extremely cute but was notoriously a bad boy. I wasn't "in love" with him, nor did I really want to date him, but to satisfy my friends, I did. We dated for a couple of months, if you considered hanging out at his house and making out outside of the boys locker room dating. I would wait for him during his football practice, and we would talk to each other periodically. Literally nothing serious... until it got serious. The breakup was the beginning of my own personal Hell.

2. I was bullied based off of false accusations, much like Hannah Baker

The breakup with "him" led to much immature, yet agonizing bullying. After we broke-up, rumors started circulating around the school that "him" and I had sex; a lie that ruined the remainder of my high school experience. I started to receive notes in my locker; printed words that screamed "WHORE", "SLUT", and "WORTHLESS". I confronted "him" plenty of times, harsher than I would have liked to admit, and it just continued to get worse. Rumors that I had chlamydia was being spread like wildfire, where even old friends of mine were staying weary of me. I became bitter, erratic, and I turned to Mr. Daniels and the Captain; turning to liquid courage to solve my problems.

3. I had a fake Facebook profile made of me, thus starting the cyberbullying

I distinctively remember going to a friend's baby shower with my best friend, where I started getting flooded with texts and calls from random guys. I got texts asking for sex, people bidding for my body, and a flood of dick pics. Shocked, because I had no idea how these guys got my phone number and my address, I panicked. Luckily, my best friend had an ex who was extremely tech-savvy, and he found out that I had a fake profile made of me offering myself for money and sex, from "his" friends and cohorts. I became scared; fearing that my reputation had been forever tainted.

4. Despite the bullying, I reached out to a counselor who didn't help

Yeah, I even resorted to talking to the nurse and my school counselor about the problem, where they simply told me that "kids will be kids". Let me ask you this, HOW IS THAT AN APPROPRIATE ANSWER. After I talked to her, I knew it would never get resolved by the authority figures at my high school, and I just kept the problem to myself at that point on.

5. I thought it would have stopped after graduation, but the bullying continued

During my graduation month, I had threat after threat of "his" friends terrorizing my graduation. That they would trip me as I walked across the stage, or that they would yell hateful things as my name was called. There was even one where they were going to hold up gigantic posters labeled with horrific words, hoping that I would want to just skip out on it entirely. And I would've, but my Dad didn't know even half of what was going on, and didn't allow it. Although they didn't terrorize me at the graduation, that summer it continued.

I admit, that summer after graduation, I went wild. I mean, who wouldn't? I was free! I practically moved in with my best friend and we spent the whole summer together, doing stupid, reckless stuff out of celebration. However, the bullying followed me, and it wasn't even "him" anymore.

"His" friends kept holding a grudge, and would send me threats, post on social media calling me out, and would continue the immaturity. I went to a baseball game- they'd throw soda and ice cream on my head. I'd go to the local park- they'd try to fight me. Finally, I threw my hands up, and decided to find new friends.

6. My friends stabbed me in the back, similar to Hannah Baker

My old friends believed every single rumor and judged me on it. People shied away from me, and I started to realize who was real at that time. I used to be a social butterfly, then people started to hate me for no reason other than what they heard. I lost most of my support besides my best friend from freshman year (who by the way, is still my ride or die, so really, who won here?).

7. I disappointed my parents to the point where they wanted nothing to do with me

They had no idea what was going on, nor did they even ask. They knew I had a substance problem, and putting me into treatment wasn't enough. I know they were involved in their own stuff, but it wasn't fair that they weren't more involved in what was going on. Instead of helping me, all I received was a lot of judgment, and ultimately being disowned.

8. I was taken advantage of, like Hannah Baker

I won't go into much detail, but long story short: I went to a party with my friend and boyfriend. I blacked out drunk that night and woke up the next day naked in a random guy's bed. After finding out the truth, I started to hate my body because of how men would use it for their own vendetta, despite my voice in it.

9. I became cold and heartless, losing myself in the midst

I got a new boyfriend, who ended up cheating on me with his ex and several girls. At that point, my new friends and boyfriend were making my mental health worse, as I had started to lose hope in everything. I began to seclude myself from everyone, change my appearance, and quiet myself. My anxiety was so bad, I could barely leave the house for a year, and I became an endangerment to myself.

10. Much like Hannah Baker, I started to blame myself

Why wasn't I as pretty? Why wasn't I worth more? Why did no one like me? Why can't I be happy and selfless as I had used to? That's why those rumors were started. That's why my parents and friends hate me. That's why my boyfriend at the time cheated on me, and my friends were fake. It was me; it was my fault because I thought I was a monster.

11. I tried to kill myself, like Hannah Baker

I tried to go out the same way as her: a pair of scissors to the wrist. I went into my ex-boyfriend's bathroom when no-one was home, and for hours, I cried. I wrote a letter to my parents, my boyfriend, and my best friend, explaining why I had to do what I had to do. I hated myself, and everyone hated me too, so why not end everyone's pain? Let me give you all what you want; that's what you want, right?

12. Like Hannah, people were shocked to what happened

The people who saw the bullying didn't believe that I tried to kill myself. The people who heard about my attempt were shocked since I "always seemed so happy." My family, who stepped up and helped in the aftermath, didn't see it coming either. No one saw the signs, or maybe they didn't care until it actually happened.

13. Unlike Hannah, I lived, and I thank God every day for another chance

It was reckless and stupid, and selfish on my part. After I got the treatment I needed, I changed my life. Went back to school, started to work on my physical and mental health, and vowed to help people who went through what I did. I matured and became the person I needed during my lowest point.

I now live every day with love and respect for myself, vowing to help the Hannah Baker's of the world.

You may not see the signs, but they're out there. You just gotta look for the signs.