As the deliberate, professional journalists that are so characteristic of Odyssey, elite members of the Colgate Odyssquad, Julia Cooper and Patrick Toohey have been commissioned to ask Colgate University the tough questions. Thirteen of them, to be exact -- no particular reasoning accompanies that quantity, it was simply the number of questions they had.

Their hope is that the university administration will respond to these pressing inquiries with urgency and honesty (perhaps inviting our brilliant Creators to partake in another campus improvement committee) so that we can all feel more informed and comfortable taking on the 2017 Spring Semester.

1. Does a University-wide dress code exist?

I was never informed of one, but it seems a vast majority of the students are wearing slight variations of the same 3 outfits.

2. Where’s the honey mustard?

The world needs to know. Or at least this Twitter account.

3. Why does no one west of Virginia or south of the Mason-Dixon line know this school exists?

I got about 50 mail ads about Colgate University in high school, so why do all my friends still think I went to work at a toothpaste factory instead of attend a college?

4. What ethnicity is the Raider?

Wikipedia says he used to be Native American, and now he’s…undead?

5. Do any real, human people work at ResLife?

Perhaps the zombies that infected Raider have taken up residence underneath Drake Hall.

6. How much was Paul Rudolph paid for the design of the Dana Arts Center?

Are we sure it wasn't designed by M. C. Escher?

If it was any more than $0, you need to reevaluate your architecture budget.

7. Have we isolated the virus that causes regular outbreaks of the Colgate plague?

Finding a vaccine should be a top priority of the health center.

8. How much of the annual budget is allocated to hush money for The Jug?

Can the “Student Activity Fee” be paid in increments of $5?

9. Is the Colgate Hello an urban legend?

It seems about as commonly sighted as Bigfoot or the Loch Ness Monster.

10. How many students get frostbite annually?

Based on the administration’s refusal to cancel classes and the regular barrage of emails warning us against the dangers of exposing our skin to the elements, I’d guess roughly “a lot.”

11. Where do you keep the monkey that writes the 500 daily Career Services emails?

Is it receiving proper care? #CareerServicesDidHarambe

12. Has a Cruiser® driver ever assaulted a passenger?

Was this photo taken in Andrews on a Monday night or what?

They don’t seem too fond of all the inebriated teenagers scream-singing The Chainsmokers. Heaven knows why.

13. Is the campus officially sponsored by Keystone Light?

Because based on this swill's prevalence across our keg-less campus, that must be an incredibly lucrative endorsement.