It was 2007 and at recess I was passing out my valentines to my elementary classmates. *He who shall not be named* gave me a box with a gift inside. It was a necklace with an "A" in the middle. He said "To: Allison From: (but the from was crossed out and replaced with a heart) *He who shall not be named*" It was a kind gesture, I'll admit. Then, *He who shall not be named #2* approached me and handed me a frog holding a heart. Two personalized valentines in one year. You could say I was a hot commodity in the sixth grade. If only I was a hot commodity in my college career.
Then I realized, "Wow I hate this holiday" Hating this holiday didn't start in college; I had a long term bf in high school and still hated the holiday. So, now I take pride of being called "The Scrooge of Valentine's Day" but so be it. I have my own after Valentine's Day rituals that beat out actually celebrating the holiday. For the ones who are single this Valentine's day...... this one is for you.
1) Be thankful that you survived this pointless day.
New year, same pointless Valentine's Day shit. *cue Adele* Hello, it's me. (And I'm still single!!)
2) Go to the nearest Walgreens and purchase all of the discounted Valentine's Day Candy.
Calories don't count when it's a discount.
3) Be thankful you didn't text the person that you wanted to text (and if you did, I hope you didn't embarrass yourself).
Honestly just put your phone on do not disturb for like the next week.
4) Be empowered by Beyonce.
Who run the world? Girls.
5) Go to the nearest CVS and purchase more of the discounted Valentine's Day Candy.
Again, calories don't count when it's a discount.
6) Go on Instagram and avoid every couple post.
Aside from the few, most of these couples won't be together by next year.
7) Text your group message a congratulatory text saying "Congrats you made it".
Then continue to talk about all of the Valentine's shit that pissed you off. My best friends know this all too well.
8) Go to the nearest Rite Aid and purchase the last of the discounted Valentine's Day candy.
It is imperative for you to get all of the candy that you need and to remember... CALS DON'T COUNT WHEN ITS A DISCOUNT.
9) Eat more food than your body can handle.
Who needs a valentine when you and your food baby can just chill.
10) Look at the hot guys with puppies insta.
Maybe next year you will have a hot guy and a puppy.
11) Scroll on tinder hoping to find your Valentine for next year.
Love at first swipe.
12) Eat all of your discounted Valentine's Day candy and Netflix and Chill with yourself.
Nothing better than a Rom Com and taste testing a box of chocolates in your bed.
13) Pray to Cupid that maybe next year you won't be the Scrooge of this holiday.
This probably won't work and you will most likely be repeating these "After Valentine's Day Activities" next year.