On sunny beach days, there are common thoughts that connect all of us when we’re tanning on the same strip of sand or laughing (seemingly) carefree in the ocean because we’re (totally) not thinking about sharks. Is every crevice of you covered in sand? Have you been fantasizing about that cute lifeguard? We’ve been there. We’ve all been there. And here’s some more things we’ve all thought about while fashionably clad in swimsuits.
1. Do I have to take my clothes off....it seems like....EVERYONE IS WATCHING.
It's like an awkward strip show to get into your bathing suit because OBVIOUSLY everyone isn't looking at the ocean scenery when you're blessing them with your beauty. #duh #logic
2. Debating on fake drowning so the hot lifeguard will rescue you.
He'll never have to know, right? The things we do for love...
3. If I swim out past these waves a shark will surely eat me.
It's just waiting for us to feel comfortable before it strikes. How RUDE. How INCONSIDERATE. Doesn't it know you're trying to get in touch with nature right now? To be one with the ocean?? It doesn't matter how many other people there are swimming and how crowded the beach is, sharks are clearly fearless and masterminds at navigating crowds to specifically target YOU. #WhyYouSoObsessedWithMe
4. I TOUCHED SOMETHING IN THE WATER OMG I JUST FREAKIN TOUCHED SOMETHING!!?!!
This is it. This was how you'd go. It was slimy. The water is dark. Yes you see those tiny little green strands floating around the water, but if anyone asks it was a killer eel. There was obviously a sea monster waiting to grab you that was, again, OBVIOUSLY not seaweed.
5. When you tannin' and look down to check out how bomb you look:
Clearly, you lookin' bomb af.
6. You: I definitely put on enough sunscreen.
Sun:
But why though.
7. Sand is in places it should never be, you're in uncharted territory now.
A WHOLE NEW WORLD. ALL NEW SENSATIONS. DEFINITE CHAFFING OCCURRING.
8. Are those girls taking bikini booty photos...Yes. Yes they are.
Judgement....so hard....to withhold....
9. But for real, how many people have peed in this water.
And like think of how many animals do the do here....and the amount of dead bodies that are in the ocean right now....that you could possibly be......touching.....
10. This is a total rip-off, where are the dolphins.
I didn't pay for this. Actually, I didn't pay for anything.
11. King Triton, can you hear me?
*aggressively sings the Ariel theme song* I'm down to be a mermaid, just so we're clear. Can the dolphins pick me up? I'll just be waiting here. On this rock.
12. Wow the waves are so calm today. Is this all you got mother nature?
*thunder clouds swirl in the sky* *triggers tsunami*
