1. Surprise, everyone’s broke.
Due to Black Friday, Cyber Monday, and last-minute shopping, there’s no room in anyone’s budget for your birthday present.
2. All these holiday parties, and none of them are for you.
Although, you sometimes tell yourself that they are.
3. Gingerbread cookies are not the same as birthday cake.
I want strawberry cake with cream cheese frosting. And some candles would be appreciated.4. Birthday presents and Christmas presents are NOT supposed to be combined.
I do not wear snowmen scarves regularly, and my favorite colors are not red and green. Also, my birthday gift does not belong under a Christmas tree, or in a stocking.
5. Winter break.
You want to celebrate with your friends? Sorry, you can’t because you all went home for winter break, and none of you are in the same state. But that’s somehow better than never getting cupcakes in class in grade school.6. Snow!
Breaking News: there was a blizzard last night and the roads are closed and you will have to cancel your pool party. HAHAHAHA.7. Your friends send carolers to sing happy birthday to you.
Just don’t. Don’t. My birthday serenade should not feature “Jingle Bells.”8. You don’t get to be selfish on YOUR DAY.
The family is decorating the tree and watching Frosty the Snowman, about twenty times today. Christmas is not about you, why do you think you are special?9. Santa can't leave you a cool birthday party under the tree.
Unfortunately.
10. Jesus is ALWAYS cooler than you.
He just is.























