Do you self-identify to what is referred to as a "wino," or maybe you prefer "wine enthusiast?" Either way, you've been known to enjoy more than a little wine in your day. Here are some things you may identify with:
1. Sharing your wine isn't ideal.
Unless it's a special occasion, why would you share your good wine with someone? It's B.Y.O.B. unless you expressly state, "Let's share this bottle." How dare anyone assume they can share your wine.
2. There is not a glass big enough for your wine.
There's a lot of effort that goes into pouring the glass, drinking the glass, and pouring more. It could be easier with one huge glass, bigger than your head. You're trying to relax anyway, and that relaxation doesn't involve putting more than the necessary amount of effort into relaxing by the constant cycle of pouring glasses.
3. You're always on the lookout for new contraptions for your wine consumption.
Don't pretend you've never heard of, considered, or even owned the wine bra flask. Maybe you want to take sips of wine on your hike instead of water. Perhaps you simply want to sit on the couch and sip your wine like a juice box at the end of the day. It's important to have wine nearby, at all times.
4. You're not against drinking straight from the bottle.
Sometimes you just don't have a glass available, but you still want to drink your wine. There's nothing wrong with cutting out the middle man and drinking straight from the bottle.
5. Wine is a serving of fruit, right?
Wine is practically grape juice. Grape juice that's been fermented. Does wine still count as a serving of fruit? It comes from grapes, so it must, right? Make sure if the "juice" stops pouring out of the box, you take out the bag and squeeze it out manually. There's always wine left in the crevices.
6. Even cheap wine can be good wine.
7. You saw this and wondered how you could get your wine in a water cooler.
Maybe if you poured it in through a funnel and slowly tipped it upright, you could put your wine in and have a wine cooler.
8. In wine, there is love.
Who needs a significant other when you have wine? Wine doesn't complain. Wine accepts you as is unconditionally.
9. Having wine is a religious experience.
You know who else liked wine? Jesus. Even if you aren't Christian, you can acknowledge Jesus as a religious figure with good taste as he obviously enjoyed wine if he took the time to turn water into it. Jesus was a wine enthusiast. Be like Jesus; make a party great with wine.
10. You've been asked or wondered this question yourself at some point.
Sometimes when listing off the varieties of wine in your possession, you or someone else asks, "How much wine do you have?" The answer: Not nearly enough.
11. You've partaken in the experience known as wine "tasting."
You can make a whole day of visiting different vineyards and wine tasting. What could be better than drinking multiple varieties of wine for a few hours out of your day? It's a wine enthusiast's ideal day.
12. You have the full intention to continue this obsession for life.
I hope you read this with a glass of wine in your hand. If not, go get a glass, and read it again.
