12 Confessions of an Ambivert

12 Confessions of an Ambivert

The complicated truths of an introverted extrovert.

Ambivert- (n). A person whose personality has a balance of extrovert and introvert features. I have been an ambivert for as long as I can remember. My mom likes to tell this story of me as a baby where I would be happy and playful and suddenly I would become fussy and I clearly just needed space. My mom would tell people, "Just set her down and give her a couple minutes". Sure enough after I had those few minutes to regroup, I was ready to be a friendly baby again.

It's different when you get older, though, because you can't just cry and push people away anymore and expect them to patiently wait for you to bounce back. People don't always understand how you can be both extroverted and introverted at the same time because most people fit into one category or the other: quiet and soft-spoken or comfortable with all the attention. They don't always understand how you can be so confident, loud, and obnoxious one minute then you need time to be by yourself the next. They don't always understand how you you actually like spending time by yourself and it has nothing to do with your feelings towards them. They don't always understand how exhausting it is to figure out how and where to invest your limited amount of energy throughout each day.

Because that's exactly what we do: it's like we start the day with 100 pennies. Eating a meal out with friends will cost 22 pennies, stressing about homework and other responsibilities will cost 31 pennies, going anywhere like the mall or to the movies or anything really will probably cost about 45 pennies if it involves socialization (not because socializing as seen as a chore, rather this is when we become extroverted and it takes a lot of energy). Then you're left with 2 pennies before you know you're going burn out, and sometimes you get stuck. You can't leave or escape so you have to force yourself to continue to be "fun" and "witty" when all you really want to do is close your eyes and wrap yourself in a blanket for about 23 minutes.

This is why sometimes we choose not to do certain things with others. If we can't mathematically figure out how to string our days together and balance our energy properly, we know the wave of exhaustion coming our way. I hope other ambiverts out there can relate to these confessions and characteristics from a fellow ambivert.

1. Sometimes we wear a mask that is basically labeled “extrovert”.

This is not to say that all extroverts are obnoxious; some are just sociable. But I know when my extroverted side comes out, I am loud, proud and looking for attention.

2. Other times the mask comes off and we just can’t “people” anymore.

I always want to leave if it becomes too "people-y".

3. We need time to recharge.

It doesn't take long; but it's necessary for the survival of an ambivert. Too many things going on (especially if there's little time in between) does not end well for us.

4. We like spending time by ourselves just as much as spending time with people.

I love my people. But I also kinda like me.

5. We love strangers.

Custodians? Love em. Workers from the Hill? They know me by name. Random people at the grocery store? We're friends now. I get this one from my mama (she's even worse though- most of the time I really think she knows the person).

6. Other people's energy helps to determine our own.

This one is interesting because sometimes we feed off other's high energy but other times we don't like to fight for the spotlight if someone else has it. Sometimes we join in and other times we get it started; energy is complicated. We are complicated.

7. We become standoffish when we’re uncomfortable, intimidated, or unsure how to balance our energy levels.

I'm the queen of standoffish behavior. Passive aggressiveness is not far behind. I'm so sorry.

8. We look forward to unwinding after a long day, week, month, year, life.

It's the only thing to get us through when we're dangerously close to the burn-out zone.

9. We are often comfortable as the center of attention and are able to lead a whole group confidently.

I gotchu fam. (Most of the time).

10. Some people assume we are quiet and shy all the time.

Especially in classes. Or when we're walking somewhere alone. So many reasons to be introverted and save up that precious energy.

11. We are like the definition of a wallflower.

Take it all in. Adjust our energy. Repeat.

12. We are constantly thinking and observing, and reacting to these thoughts and observations. Being an ambivert is quite exhausting; but it's all we know.

It's definitely exhausting but it's also kinda cool; we have the best of both worlds. It's just hard to explain to others because it is an inconsistent phenomenon. In the end though, it's all we know.

Cover Image Credit: http://maxpixel.freegreatpicture.com/Projection-Mirror-Image-Mirroring-Mirrored-2968578

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To The Coach Who Ruined The Game For Me

We can't blame you completely, but no one has ever stood up to you before.

I know you never gave it a second thought, the idea that you're the reason I and many others, never went any farther in our athletic careers.

I know you didn’t sincerely care about our mental health, as long as we were physically healthy and our bodies were working enough to play. It’s obvious your calling wasn’t coaching and you weren’t meant to work with young adults, some who look to you as a parent figure or a confidant.

I also know that if we were to express our concerns about the empty feeling we began to feel when we stepped onto the court, you wouldn’t have taken the conversation seriously because it wasn’t your problem.

I know we can't blame you completely, no one has ever stood up to you before. No one said anything when girls would spend their time in the locker room crying because of something that was said or when half the team considered quitting because it was just too much.

We can't get mad at the obvious favoritism because that’s how sports are played.

Politics plays a huge role and if you want playing time, you have to know who to befriend. We CAN get mad at the obvious mistreatment, the empty threats, the verbal abuse, “it's not what you say, its how you say it.”

We can get mad because a sport that we loved so deeply and had such passion for, was taken away from us single-handedly by an adult who does not care. I know a paycheck meant more to you than our wellbeing, and I know in a few years you probably won’t even remember who we are, but we will always remember.

We will remember how excited we used to get on game days and how passionate we were when we played. How we wanted to continue on with our athletic careers to the next level when playing was actually fun. We will also always remember the sly remarks, the obvious dislike from the one person who was supposed to support and encourage us.

We will always remember the day things began to change and our love for the game started to fade.

I hope that one day, for the sake of the young athletes who still have a passion for what they do, you change.

I hope those same athletes walk into practice excited for the day, to get better and improve, instead of walking in with anxiety and worrying about how much trouble they would get into that day. I hope those athletes play their game and don’t hold back when doing it, instead of playing safe, too afraid to get pulled and benched the rest of the season.

I hope they form an incredible bond with you, the kind of bond they tell their future children about, “That’s the coach who made a difference for me when I was growing up, she’s the reason I continued to play.”

I don’t blame you for everything that happened, we all made choices. I just hope that one day, you realize that what you're doing isn’t working. I hope you realize that before any more athletes get to the point of hating the game they once loved.

To the coach that ruined the game for me, I hope you change.

Cover Image Credit: Author's photo

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The Anaheim Ducks Are In A World Of Pain

The Ducks have now lost 19 out of their last 21 games amidst a multitude of problems and a rebuild may be at its beginning stages after Randy Carlyle's firing from head coach.


On December 17, 2018, the Anaheim Ducks had just defeated the Pittsburgh Penguins on the road 4-2, and sat in a playoff spot with a 19-11-5 record, good for 43 points and 2nd in the Pacific Division. Since then, the Ducks have lost 19 out of their last 21 games, going 2-15-4 during that stretch, now sitting at 21-26-9 and 51 points on February 12th, eight points out of a playoff spot in the Western Conference. After their last loss, head coach Randy Carlyle was finally axed and general manager Bob Murray stepped in as the interim coach. Many issues exist currently and for the foreseeable future in Anaheim, which could see its first sustained rebuild since the early 2000s, where the team missed the playoffs three years in a row.

One of the Ducks' bigger issues is the lack of goal scoring throughout the lineup. The leading player in goals is forward Jakob Silfverberg, with 12 in 47 games played. That's not enough for a team that is 56 games into the season. The overall points production is quite anemic too. Captain and center Ryan Getzlaf leads the club with 36 points in 50 games, and he is the only player with more than 30 points to this date.

Injuries are also factoring into the equation: center Adam Henrique and defenseman Brandon Montour are the only Ducks to have played in every game this season, with players such as forwards in Silfverberg, Getzlaf, Rickard Rakell, Corey Perry, Ryan Kesler, and Ondrej Kase as well as defensemen Cam Fowler and Hampus Lindholm, and goaltender Ryan Miller all spending at least five games on the injured reserve.

With so many players in and out of the lineup, not to mention that most of the fill-ins are inexperienced at the NHL level, it is hard to develop any sort of chemistry for an extended period of time. Goaltender John Gibson has been unable to maintain grade A performance in net, as his save percentage is now at 0.914, below where he started the season. With all of this considered, the Ducks have a tough future ahead when considering their salary cap situation.

Perry and Getzlaf, both of who will turn 34 in May, have a cap hit of $8.625 and $8.25 million for the next two years after the 2018-19 season, while Kesler, who turns 35 in August, makes $6.825 million for the next 3 years after this season concludes. Perry has only played in five games this year due to injuries, Getzlaf's production is declining and not up to par with how much he is paid, and Kesler has only six points in 48 games, and he also only played in 44 games last season due to injuries, scoring just 14 points.

These expensive contracts are untradeable unless they attach a younger asset in a trade, like prospects Sam Steel, Max Jones, Maxim Comtois, or Troy Terry. It is possible that Kesler and/or Perry will be bought out of their contracts in the offseason, meaning they will save money against the salary cap for the remainder of those contract years, but will have portions of that contract counting against the cap for a few years more.

Despite these bad contracts which currently prevent the Ducks from signing more than one big free agent, the aforementioned prospects will most likely see more substantial time in Anaheim next season, which could boost the club, but it is unlikely that any of them take the league by storm to make the Ducks a contender again. For this to happen, young forwards like Rakell, Kase, and Daniel Sprong will have to exceed expectations, while the defensive core will also need to step it up compared to their performance this, which makes them look overpaid.

As it stands, the Ducks are 4th in the 2019 NHL Draft Lottery and could see a highly touted prospect come to Anaheim next year, but the current roster and prospect core will need bounce back seasons or the management group will be forced to blow up much of the roster, which would almost guarantee missing the playoffs again.

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