If I had to make a list of the top ten dumb things I have ever done in life, the top three would be the results of something romance orientated. Okay, I will be more realistic and straightforward. 10/10 things on the list would be the results of some plan that was orientated around love.
During middle school, every girl I knew was boy crazy. If you weren't chasing after some boy you would have nothing to talk about with the girls in the bathroom room or cafeteria. For pre-teen girls, we defiantly had the same style of locker talk that the boys did. For the "pretty" girls it seemed easy for them to be part of the boy crazy movement. But for me, being the "ugly" girl in middle school, joining the boy crazy movement was difficult. I felt like I had to be part of it, rather than just simply having crushes on them.
But, I don't think the pressure of the middle school boy crazy phrase is what turned me into a hopeless romantic. Like the typical 20-something, I would most likely blame my parents.
My parents met in heart of Rome. My father, being an American navy man, was on leave for a few days before returning back to the submarines. My mother, Italian born but raised in a small town in Germany, was on vacation with a few girlfriends. And with a story so short and sweet, it would be impossible to go into further detail, they bumped into each other's paths and three days later they got engaged. Barely speaking the same language, my dad left again to go on his ship two days later. 3 months later they were married, with only seeing each other 25 days since they first met and they moved to the United States. Now, with a love story like that with parents how hard is it not to be a hopeless romantic.
So, it would make sense that I would become someone who would chase after love and try all sort of crazy things in maintaining it.
One time, I booked a 96 dollar Amtrak train ticket to California. A discussion that took me less than 30 minutes to drive home from work (10 minutes), pack ( aka throw random sorts of clothing in a bag) my suitcase, grab dinner ( the half-eaten Papa Murphy pizza in my fridge), but that train ticket and then drive to the train station. I made it. I binge watched a full season of Atypical. And, I learned how Amtrak is horrible at delays when a 12-hour train ride turned into 18 hours. I also learned how Amtrak is really great at canceling your trains and leaving you in San Jose when you are trying to catch your 8 pm train that got moved to 10:30 pm and ultimately gets cancel and you have work the next day. Yep, it sure was fun having to buy a $400 last minute airplane ticket.
However, nothing beats my travel adventures like the one time I decided to drive from Portland, Oregon down to Southern California to prove to someone that I actually cared about them. It wasn't until I woke up the next morning in a motel in the middle of California that I had the, "Oh my God, what did I just do moment". But, I must say, for a girl who only knows the Portland metro area, a few beach towns and her college town in the state, I did really good driving the 16 hours into California. Only one ticket for crossing a bridge into San Fransisco, when I was too busy looking for the Golden Gate bridge without realizing I was on it, and blasting California love non-stop.
I once drove out an hour of my way to what I thought was my ex-boyfriend's house to declare my love to him. And during the midst of it learning that he had moved. Well, oops, that was a well-rehearsed hour drive of my script.
I once sat outside a dorm room of my boyfriends for hours waiting to apologize to him for something dumb I did. Not finally hearing from him till 4 am.
All these things I did were dumb. Was implosive. But where 100% worth it. You need to fight for love. Cause if you have a love not worth fighting for then why are you in that relationship. When you fall in love it is going to make you feel crazy at times and you are just going to want to scream, "Omg gets away from me you d*mn feelers".
Love is the most beautiful and scariest thing out there. And you can't make a fool out of yourself and test how brave you are by putting yourself out there and fighting for something you care about, then what is the point? I've done so many dumb things to prove my love to someone. But I have never let those journeys of finding love stop me from loving myself and putting myself first in life. In fact, all my "dumb" life choices involving love has been some of my best memories and moments I found testing myself. I found myself standing up for myself, testing my courage and letting myself live an adventure. I may have been driving 16 hours to just tell someone I loved them. But I was 16 hours in the car deciding what I wanted in life. I was 16 hours in a car stopping at roadside attractions, seeing views that I had only dreamed of and living for myself at that moment. Love is going to get you places.
Love is going to make you do crazy and dumb, foolish things. But at the end of the day, the things you do for love will just start teaching you the crazy and brave qualities you have.Chase love. Because if that is a dream you are chasing, you deserve to see what answers are in store.