11 Things That Happen When You Become A Mom

11 Things That Happen When You Become A Mom

Motherhood: the good and the bad
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Most moms will agree that being a parent is the best thing that has ever happened to them. They will joy you with different things that have happened throughout their ordinary day, even when these things seem so unimportant to you. It's not you, it's them. These things are probably unimportant to most people. You see, when you become a mom, life is different. You get a new set of wants and needs. There are obvious changes like no longer sporting a convertible or living on your parent's couch. Your bank account will look different. Your circle of friends will either expand or shrink. Aside from all of those changes, here are a few more that your ever so kind mom friends might leave out.

1.You naturally become a late person.


This may not be everyone, but this is definitely me and a lot of moms I know. Let’s be honest, it’s not usually my fault I’m late. I blame the kids. Shoes had to be on the right feet, the sippy cup wasn’t the right color, and there was a blowout on the way out the door. These things really happen and they usually happen all at once.

2. You develop "mom" brain.


This is a real thing, it has to be. I used to be able to do quick transactions in my head when it came to purchases. I could remember where I put my keys. Now I sometimes forget to put shoes on the kids, I have no idea where my keys are if they aren’t in the drawer and we’ve had to replace four of our debit cards since becoming parents.

3. You become exhausted.

And I mean in every sense of the word. There will be times when you literally fumble your way through a few days, just to make it to the weekend and do it all over again. Befriend coffee and join the rest of us mombies. We aren’t as mean as we look.

4. You learn to share.


Your food. Your body. Your nice home with actual blinds in the window. Your time, sanity and personal space. You learn to share literally everything.

5. You become responsible.


Most moms become responsible. You can check your local headlines to find some that aren’t, but for the most part they are. Even with all the forgetfulness and being habitually late, you become responsible. You realize that your tiny world goes beyond just you. You learn to make doctor appointments for other people.

6. You develop sensory over loads.

This also might not apply to all, but it applies to a lot. There are days when your child will not function without touching you and when someone else comes in your little bubble, you will lose your cool. Oh, and if you breastfeed, your child will go through stretches of what the doctors call “growth spurts” and be attached to you for hours at a time. I’m no doctor, but I really don’t believe in these said “growth spurts” because it seemed like the first nine months of my youngest’s life was nothing but a said “growth spurt”.

7. You will become exhausted, again.

Yes, this is included twice because this exhaustion lasts for a really long time. I actually cannot tell you how long because my oldest is only three, but I have a feeling this goes past eighteen years. Your once peaceful sleeps will become periods of restless sleeping interrupted by crying children or checking to see if they’re still breathing because they didn’t wake you up at the normal times.

8. You will become obsessed with your kids.


We all have these moments, especially with newborns. I personally blame the new baby smell on this obsession. But the obsession starts before the baby is even born. You will be amazed at how many outfits you can find in places you didn’t even know had baby things. Also, never check on Amazon for baby gadgets or clothes unless you want to go bankrupt.

9. Nothing will be about you anymore, it’s all about the kids.

Not even kidding. Sometimes people will only ask you about your kids and that will be the gist of your conversation. One Christmas my husband got a car seat and a high chair for his gifts. While he may not have been that excited, I was! That was two less things to check off my list.

10. You learn to stretch yourself.




This doesn’t refer to any of the labor process, which really is the physical sense and definitely happens, but rather the actual journey of being a mom. You will literally stretch everything about yourself from your sanity and time to your personal space and heart. Sometimes you’ll even make more hours in the day just to get a project done. Or you’ll lose hours of the day by simply enjoying your kids.

11. You fall in love over and over again.


Having kids is one of the greatest things that will ever happen to you. Yes, they are exhausting little personal space bubble-bursting beings, but they are seriously great. When they learn to say I love you, give kisses, or simply say sorry, you're going to fall in love again. When they learn something new after months of trying, you fall in love. And when you want to scream from parenting just being overwhelming, you'll look into their little faces and remember that you love them.

Cover Image Credit: Tiffany R

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I'm The Girl Without A 'Friend Group'

And here's why I'm OK with it

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Little things remind me all the time.

For example, I'll be sitting in the lounge with the people on my floor, just talking about how everyone's days went. Someone will turn to someone else and ask something along the lines of, "When are we going to so-and-so's place tonight?" Sometimes it'll even be, "Are you ready to go to so-and-so's place now? Okay, we'll see you later, Taylor!"

It's little things like that, little things that remind me I don't have a "friend group." And it's been like that forever. I don't have the same people to keep me company 24 hours of the day, the same people to do absolutely everything with, and the same people to cling to like glue. I don't have a whole cast of characters to entertain me and care for me and support me. Sometimes, especially when it feels obvious to me, not having a "friend group" makes me feel like a waste of space. If I don't have more friends than I can count, what's the point in trying to make friends at all?

I can tell you that there is a point. As a matter of fact, just because I don't have a close-knit clique doesn't mean I don't have any friends. The friends I have come from all different walks of life, some are from my town back home and some are from across the country. I've known some of my friends for years, and others I've only known for a few months. It doesn't really matter where they come from, though. What matters is that the friends I have all entertain me, care for me, and support me. Just because I'm not in that "friend group" with all of them together doesn't mean that we can't be friends to each other.

Still, I hate avoiding sticking myself in a box, and I'm not afraid to seek out friendships. I've noticed that a lot of the people I see who consider themselves to be in a "friend group" don't really venture outside the pack very often. I've never had a pack to venture outside of, so I don't mind reaching out to new people whenever.

I'm not going to lie, when I hear people talking about all the fun they're going to have with their "friend group" over the weekend, part of me wishes I could be included in something like that. I do sometimes want to have the personality type that allows me to mesh perfectly into a clique. I couldn't tell you what it is about me, but there is some part of me that just happens to function better one-on-one with people.

I hated it all my life up until very recently, and that's because I've finally learned that not having a "friend group" is never going to be the same as not having friends.

SEE ALSO: To The Girls Who Float Between Friend Groups

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We Need To Stop Treating Arranged Marriages Like Business Deals

We need to stop treating marriages like business deals where the groom gets dowry in exchange for his willingness to marry and the bride gets a husband in exchange for dowry.

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When I was thirteen years old, I spent my summer break at my cousin sister's place. She spilled steaming hot tea all over her thigh leaving a huge burn scar. The first thing my aunt said to her was "What would your future husband think about that scar? You should have been more careful." My cousin was just fourteen.

Growing up, we are made to believe that marriage is the most important thing in a woman's life and is going to be her biggest achievement. I thought it was hideous how we were made to believe this and pressurized to get married in fear of what society would think until I realized just how hideous the process of an arranged marriage itself is.

According to an IPSOS survey conducted in 2013, 74% of Indian marriages are arranged. Being the youngest sibling and cousin, I watched a lot of my older family members and relatives getting arranged marriages. Having spent most of my life in India, I have witnessed no other marriages than arranged marriages. It is funny to me how people have a checklist of superficial expectations like stereotypical beauty standards and unrealistic salary expectations. From publishing ads like "In search of a slim, tall, fair, very beautiful, homely girl who knows how to cook and sew" in the newspaper, the process of finding a groom or bride through an arranged marriage couldn't be more misogynistic and sexist.

Surrounded by all this, I penned down a poem in hope that we would stop treating marriages like business deals where the groom gets dowry in exchange for his willingness to marry and the bride gets a husband in exchange for dowry.

I

The glass bangles on her wrist jingled as she placed a plate of laddoos in front of the guests,

She wondered if this was the family that would finally pass her parents' tests.

"Oh! She is as fair as milk" the boy's mother exclaimed,

Her cheeks flushed to the color of scarlet under her dupatta as trained.

"He is too short" to her mother, he didn't appeal,

The deal wasn't sealed.

II

When no suitable match was found, the search was still profound.

"Hush," the girl's mother whispered "Don't tell them about the burn on the leg of the bride"

"What man will marry her once he finds?"

Another man arrived, tall, fair, and handsome- he was perfect,

Except that huge mole on his cheek which left him imperfect.

"The mole doesn't complement his face" to her aunt, he didn't appeal,

The deal wasn't sealed.

III

Still no luck in finding a groom,

Her father placed a matrimonial ad.

"Searching for a suitable groom, engineer or doctor, 25, fair, slim, vegetarian, no disabilities" the ad read,

The ad was published in multiple newspapers so that she could finally be wed.

Another boy arrived, but this time the tables turned,

"What? She can't cook?" the boy's mother was left concerned

"Oh, what a shame" to his parents' she didn't appeal,

The deal wasn't sealed.

IV

When everything had been tried, a Jyotish was consulted,

Vastu remedies for delay in marriage he suggested.

"Fast for sixteen consecutive days, the kitchen shouldn't be in the southwest."

Yet another boy arrived, tall, fair, slim, no moles- he seemed the best,

With everything from their checklist of expectations checked, everyone seemed to be impressed.

"But his earnings are so less," her father was left depressed.

To nobody he appealed,

The deal still wasn't sealed.

V

The number of grooms decreased as her age increased,

The girl walked in with a plate of laddoos, but this time from the southeast.

"Oh my god, the bride can't cook," the boy's mother noticed,

Thankfully the burn on her leg went unnoticed.

Double the dowry was demanded,

Her father's savings made sure the groom's family didn't leave empty-handed,

The girl's mother approved the boy, so did her mother's mother,

And her uncle, his wife, and their daughter

Even to the distant relatives, he appealed,

The deal was finally sealed.

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