I swear to God, if I hear the words, "Mind If I'm Slytherin?" one more time, I'm going to put a hex on everyone in a five-mile radius. I'm not kidding. I mean, I love my house, but I'm so over the whole "death eater and accomplice to Lord Voldermort wannabe" complex. Not all of us are bad. We just admit that we have dark wizards in our midst. This isn't recruitment. It's not like they have a choice.

1. When you first get sorted and you freak out because you don't want people to think you're a wannabe death eater.

2. When you first go into the dungeon to find your common room and the giant squid from the lake pops out and scares the squib out of you. (Pun intended.)

3. When you mess up a problem in potions class and everyone starts jeering at you.

4. When you try out for quidditch and the only people who make the team are the people who's parents played for the house back in the day.

5. When you realize that you have no actual good alumni to look up to because all the good mentors are in all of the other houses.

6. When you go home for Christmas and your parents get mad at you for using the term "mudblood" because even though it's considered a slur, it's thrown around the common room like the word "celery."

7. When dementors take over the grounds and you have to protect yourself and you are forced to discover that your patronus is a kitten.

8. When you realize that your competitive instincts make people think you're a horrible person.

9. When the Battle of Hogwarts happens and all of your friends parents are fighting with Voldemort.

10. When Voldemort gives you the most awkward hug of your life and you immediately want to go home and take three showers.

11. Finally, every time that spoiled brat Malfoy bellows, "Wait until my father hears about this!"