The holidays; a magical time of the year filled with wonder, joy, and lasting family memories...unless you're like me, and have about as much holiday spirit as a dried up piece of fruitcake. Here're a few things that drive me absolutely crazy about the holiday season.
1. The stress of hosting a gathering at your house.
Before you can have a picturesque family gathering, you have to endure several hours of stressed out parents. Everything must be cooked, cleaned, and impeccably in order. In my family, this means yelling. A LOT of yelling. Maybe next year will be a little more peaceful...(it never is).
2. The awkward conversations with distant relatives you haven't seen in forever.
"I haven't seen you since you were thiiiis big!"
"Do you have a boyfriend yet?"
"What are you majoring in? What can you even DO with that major?"
"When I was your age, I *insert story about working a part time job and being able to pay college tuition*.."
3. The self-righteousness of those people who do all of their holiday decorations early.
Shoutout to the person in my neighborhood whose giant inflatable snowman has been looming over the town since November 1st. I feel like it's looking down on my pathetic tinsel wreath with disdain.
4. Feeling like you have to be happy all the time...'tis the season, after all.
The holidays are synonymous with itchy wool sweaters, weight gain, inappropriate comments from elderly family members at dinner, and going broke from buying presents. But, you have to smile through the pain and at least pretend to enjoy the most "holly jolly" time of the year.
5. Being forced to listen to the song "Baby, It's Cold Outside" every time you go into a public place.
If you think this song is just a cute holiday classic, think again. Just check out the lyrics...
"Well, maybe just half a drink more / Put some records on while I pour"
"The neighbors might think / Baby, it’s bad out there"
"Say what’s in this drink? / No cabs to be had out there"
Don't let him pour your drink! Call yourself an Uber and get out of there! *shudders*
6. Being nearly trampled while shopping for gifts.
Pictured above: Actual footage of me at the mall trying to dodge several exhausted suburban mothers all trying to get to the toy store.
7. Secret Santa (or White Elephant, or anything of the sort...)
It's all fun and games until you get assigned to someone who you don't know at all. Let's hope they like scented candles...
8. Watching everyone drink champagne...and you can't have any.
Unless you have one of those super cool families that lets you have some...
9. Those "Elf Yourself" videos.
These make me cringe harder than anything else. Something about elves and choreographed dance numbers just doesn't set well with me.
10. The people who try to make you do things you don't want to with the "Come on, but it's Christmas!" line.
Sure, it's Christmas. But that doesn't mean I'm going to do a karaoke version of "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree" with you while we open presents.
11. New Year's resolutions.
Every year, the cries of "new year, new me!" irritate me a little more. A new year is a great time to make changes...but it's rare that people stick to their resolutions. Just don't come to me two months later complaining about how you haven't made any progress after going to the gym once on January 2nd.
