He’s charming, attractive and maybe a little rough around the edges. He’s the kind of guy you want all your friends back home to see you standing next to in an Instagram post. You’re so proud of yourself for somehow snagging this good-looking, seemingly eligible bachelor. So proud, in fact, that you’ve completely ignored some of the biggest deal breakers of all time. Yeah, thats right, Mr. Right is actually Mr. Completely Wrong In Every Single Way. Not so sure? Here are a few things your best friends have probably pointed out to you already, but you’ve been too naive to admit.
1. He has a habit of using derrogatory terms while referencing literally anything or anyone at all.
“Man that test was a total b**ch.” Was it? Was it really? This guy needs to learn some manners, and it’s not your job to teach them to him. If he isn’t ready to face the fact that it’s never cool to refer to anything or anyone in such a grossly innapropriate way, then he’s not ready for you. Yeah, you could say it’s a mindless habit, but wouldn’t you rather date a guy you don’t have to make excuses for? How about one that has a habit of not doing this?
2. He never asks you about you. Your conversation topics always seem to be centered around him.
“How was your day?” Ha. Never heard that one before… literally. If he doesn’t show concern when you divulge personal information and it takes a lot of effort to get him interested in your day, he’s not worth it. You should be spending all the time and energy you use up trying to get him to notice you on finding someone who genuinely cares about the little things that happen in your day. Or better yet, care about yourself for a change and stop giving the time of day to total losers like these.
3. All of his exes were “crazy," or so he says.
No, she was actually crazy, really! Sure, and that’s not exactly what he’ll say about you when things go south. First of all, if he’s still angry about someone from the past, then he’s probably not ready for anything new with you. A good thing to remember about new relationships is that you should never carry over old problems from a previous one. No one wants to date the type of guy who brings up his ex and truly believes that he’s 100% innocent and that she was the one who ruined everything. If he really can do no wrong, which for the record is impossible because no one is perfect, then you better prepare yourself for always being the “crazy”, “overly emotional” one. Do yourself a favor and never date someone who demands to be placed on a pedestal. Be with the people who make you feel like an equal.
4. He hasn’t taken you on a real date. No, Netflix and Chill does not count.
Did he cook you dinner, pop some popcorn and put on your favorite movie without once making a move? Then you’ve just taken part in a Netflix and Chill sesh, and nope, that’s not a date. Sure, if you’re in college, you’re probably on a budget. A fancy dinner for a girl you just met is not always reasonable. If he likes you enough, however, he will put forth effort. Pulling up a TV show on his laptop and getting cozy is not putting forth effort. If this is his go-to, he probably doesn’t have that much interest in getting to know you.
5. You don’t know any of his girl friends.
The one that commented on his instagram ~*smiley-face, heart emoji*~? Yep, never heard of her. If you’ve just started talking to him, then this doesn’t apply. You need a bit of time to really get to know someone to be able to get to know their friends. However, if time has passed and Mandy, the girl who just tagged your guy in 15 new photos on Facebook, still hasn’t come up in conversation, he probably isn’t ready to bring you into his life. Ask yourself, if Mandy knows the real him, why don’t you?
6. He is disrespectful towards his mother.
This one is obvious. So he said one thing about how his mom did that one thing that one time that really got on his nerves. That’s bound to happen. We all get annoyed wih our mothers at times, but you and I both know where the line is. It stops right at that tiny remark. A guy worth sticking around for is one who will respect the lady who gave him life. If he doesn’t have respect for her, his respect for you is bound to be a little shady.
7. He treats you like an annoying little sister when you’re in public together.
You know that awkward treatment. The ‘I hate being seen in public with you, but I have no other choice’, kind of treatment. If you’re spending time with him at all and you aren’t his annoying little sister, then no guy at all should be treating you like this. Even less, the guy you’re ‘talking’ to. If he is genuinely uncomfortable having you around when you could be potentially seen together, he doesn’t have great intentions. The guy you want is one that’s proud to have your company, with or without an audience.
8. He doesn’t ‘believe’ in labels.
Oh great, one of those guys. “It’s just not my thing.” “I don’t want to be tied down.” Ugh. Unless you actually don’t feel the need to put a name on your relationship, don’t try your luck in an attempt to change his mind. First of all, it’s perfectly fine for a guy to not be interested in a relationship. You can be disappointed, but a good guy will tell you right off the bat that he’s just not into it. If he’s telling you he doesn’t want a ‘label’ instead of just coming out and saying he’s not interested in a real relationship, then he’s playing games with you. You don’t deserve a sad attempt at a relationship or to be strung along by someone who doesn’t respect your time. If he wants you, he’ll be more than willing to make you his.
9. Your friends can’t stand him.
In the words of the Spice Girls, “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends.” They really knew what they were talking about. If it’s been a while and your girls still haven’t warmed up to Mr. Right, then you need to cut things short. When you walk out the door to leave for his apartment and your best friend’s eyes roll into the back of her head for the millionth time, turn around and hit him with that “sorry, I’m busy” text. Give him the chance to correct a bad first impression, because we all know those happen. If you’ve given him that chance, and maybe a few more than that, it’s time to let go. Best friends make the best dates anyways.
10. He doesn’t even want to meet your friends, much less introduce you to his.
I’m not saying he needs to go out of his way to wine and dine your besties, but it’s so important that he actually feels the need to get to know them. Your best friends are little pieces of you, and if he’s a true catch, he’ll want to know as much about you as possible. The best way to do that is to get to know your girlfriends. Also, most guys know that if you get on a girl’s best friend’s good side, you have a better chance at winning her over. If he doesn’t want to do that, don’t drag him there.
11. “You look really tired”, he says as he sees you for the first time with no makeup.
Even if you are actually tired, a great guy won’t say that. He’ll notice that you seem tired and ask you how your day has been. “You look kind of upset.” Yeah, probably because I am. I’ve had four tests, a paper and my dog died. But you wouldn’t know. You never asked. Little jabs at your appearance are not a good sign. Maybe he didn’t mean it and he’s truly awful at conveying real concern. That’s OK. If you’re self-conscious around him because of tiny remarks about the way you look, that’s not OK. There’s a difference between someone who just doesn’t know the right thing to say and someone who does, but only cares to see you for what you are on the surface. You deserve more.
Whether it’s #1, #2 or the whole list, if you’ve found yourself thinking “yes, yes, yes!”, the guy you’re talking to probably sucks. Spend less time making excuses for him and more time loving yourself. If you’re not doing it, who will? Not a guy like this, that’s for sure.