I started hosting when turned 18 out of my first year of college. Most nights, working in a restaurant is fun, what with all the people you get to see and talk to, and all the funny things that happen, but other times, hosting can turn the worst nightmare you've ever had to live through. We are not an evil people; in fact, most of us are just normal, lovely humans who just want to make sure your night goes well so our night can go well. Despite all that, sometimes it just gets to be a little to much. Here is a substantial, though not complete, list of the angry things going through your host's head during the nightly rush.
Why are you looking at my wait list?
Excuse me. Don’t look at my wait list, don’t do that. Leaning over my shoulder and trying to read where your name of the list will accomplish nothing different than me telling you, so stop it. Also, technically, it's confidential, like there are names and phone numbers on there you aren't supposed to see. So back away, mister.
Oh, you know the owner?
Oh, you do? That’s cool, I hear he’s a fun guy, likes fly fishing and also owning restaurants. Oh no, did you think that was going to change your wait? Oh no, sorry, you're a human just like the other humans waiting; your knowing a random human does not make you a higher level of human.
Ordering drinks and food from me?
Nah, I like, couldn't do that, even if I wanted to. I know you so kindly flagged me down, but I actually can't help you.
Yes, I see you scoping out your table before you talk to me.
Why don’t you let me do my job, please. If we didn't seat you somewhere, it's usually for a reason, not because we are evil. Hostesses aren't evil. Well, most of us anyway.
Why can’t you sit there?
Well, ma’am, that section is closed. Yes, I know that you want to, but you're really going to inconvenience more than a couple people just because you want to be on the left side of the bar and not the right.
I see y'all moved after I sat you.
I have no words for you, sir.
Taking a table but informing me you’ll only be ordering drinks?
There is a bar for a reason. Literally, we have a bar just for your sitting and drinking pleasure. You're going to waste a server's table and you know who they're going to get upset with? Me.
Yes, ma’am, I see you glaring at me from the waiting area.
Yup, totes see it, I see your angry eyes for sure. Nope, it isn’t going to help you get sat any faster -- in fact, I might make you wait even longer.
15 people at 7 o’clock on a Friday night walk in?
LOL. Yea, good luck with that.
Even worse, show up at 7 o’clock for your 6 o’clock reservation?
There is a special ring in hell for you.
Small annoying child enters the restaurant?
Oh, you can walk; oh, you're going to put your finger in my dessert tray and steal a thousand toothpicks only to throw them on the ground and leave them for me to pick up. Too bad you're 5.00009 years old and I can't say a word about it.
Overall, being a host is actually really fun. The people are nice, you're not as stressed as the waiters, and you get to interact with people on the reg. It's a fun thing to do -- don't let all this anger and hate deceive you. And for those of you who don't already work in food service, the next time you go to a restaurant, remember, your hostess loves you.
