Do you ever just feel like being extremely annoying? You just wake up in the morning and try to do your absolute best at driving people through the wall while sitting back and relishing in their feelings of annoyance. Well here are some tips and tricks on how to accomplish being a complete pain in the— yeah, you get the picture.
1. Interrupt them. As much as you possibly can. They wanna talk? No. This is my world and you're nothing but my background music.
The point of this tactic is to cut them off before they have a chance to get their complete thought out. This ensures they lose their train of thought, as you get to continue whatever it is that was clearly more important for you to say.
2. Walk extremely slow. I'm talking at a glacial slug pace. Purposefully position yourself in front of another human, and consciously slow your pace down to an uncomfortable level.
The purpose of this strategy is to make people's lives harder. You will place them in an internal struggle, leaving them to debate whether they will wait it out behind you or look like the jerk who is too impatient and rude to wait so they aggressively speed up alongside of you. At this point, start walking at a normal pace again.
3. Someone has a bruise? Poke it. Any size, color, doesn’t matter— you see a bruise, simply go out of your way to firmly press on it, just to ensure that it hurts the other person.
This tactic is fairly simple. The purpose is to reestablish the fact the ruptured blood vessels underneath the skin do indeed cause pain with applied pressure.
4. Complain literally all the time. I promise you, everyone will love you. Complain about how hard your life is, how much you have to do this week, etc. Any and all complaints are warranted.
The purpose of this method is to complain about things that are wrong or hard in your life, and then when the other person starts to talk about their problems, just walk away and don't listen. This ensures your friendship is one-sided like it should be.
5. Take the AUX cord, and repeatedly change the song. About 20-30 seconds into the song, preferably right before the chorus hits, just click next. And do it again and again and again, until someone attempts to revoke your DJ privileges.
The purpose of this method is to get people revved up for the best part of a song, and then rip the floor out from under them, leaving them feeling unsatisfied and irritated. The more skips, the better. If you can even catch someone signing mid-phrase when you change the song, you've truly succeeded.
6. Share all of your political and religious views on Facebook. I’m talking paragraphs. Make sure everyone knows exactly what you believe in and how you feel about every single aspect of the election because I guarantee you everybody wanted to know your opinion.
No explanation needed.
7. Bail on every single one of your plans. Straight up make plans, hype them up, then the day of just bail. It doesn't matter what excuse you use to get out of them, just make sure you do it often enough for others to notice a trend.
This one is important because here we see a situation in which another person took precious time out of their day to dedicate to you, and you get to be extra annoying by canceling on them and messing up their entire plan for the day. Lets hope they weren’t looking forward to those plans—or better yet lets hope they were.
8. Tap people on the shoulder to get their attention. Don't even call their name— just continue tapping them until they turn around and listen to you.
This method is designed to get people's attention without the use of your vocal chords. The continuous tapping sensation on their shoulder will likely irk them so badly they will have to turn around and give you the attention you deserve.
9. Chew with your mouth open. I mean loud and proud. The more you smack your lips together, the more people will want to eat with you.
The purpose of this strategy is to masticate so loudly that you get into the nitty gritty parts of someone else's inner ear and they can't help but listen to the bothersome sound coming from your mouth.
10. Last but not least, be on your phone while hanging out with others. No matter if you're on a date at a nice restaurant, at dinner with your parents, etc. Just do it.
The purpose of this method is to whip out your phone and act like the other person or people don't exist. Proceed to scroll through all social media at least twice and answer all text messages or phone calls before returning to the possibility of real human connection with the human(s) in front of you.
