This one goes out to the ladies stuck in a relationship who don’t have the heart to completely crush their boyfriend’s world. These techniques have been used for centuries by women all over the world. Sometimes, they’ve even been used unintentionally. So maybe do some self-reflection on past relationships if you’ve been dumped out of the blue. Here I’ve provided 10 ways to lose your guy in 10 days, give or take. They are to be carried out cautiously and individually, and a disclaimer should definitely be provided for your besties, because you don’t want to lose them on the way.
1. The Premature Menopause
It's time to take off your thong and slip into some granny panties, because nothing screams confidence like a panty line. Your self-esteem will be high, and your standards will be higher. Nothing scares the crap out of a boy more than a strong opinionated woman. Although men like women, boys like insecure little girls. And let's be real, you're not reading this if you're dating a man.
2. The Aggressive Drunk
What's worse than a bitch? A drunk bitch. Take Regina George plus a bottle of Svedka, and I promise you might even hate yourself after this one. Some goals to keep in mind are: not remembering 75 percent of your hang-outs, being as obnoxious as possible, and taking the occasional piss on his laundry.
3. Mrs. Commitment
It's time to suffocate those daddy issues because you're about to get real serious real quick. Suggest buying furniture together, what you will do about your relationship after college, marriage, kids, etc. Discuss every last detail of your dream wedding, and do so with a perfected poker face. Homeboy is bound to run away, like yesterday.
4. The Zombie
Become aloof about almost every aspect of your life. Passions? Nope. Dreams? Nope. Hopes? Barely. The only thing more unattractive than someone with no personality is someone with no personality wearing Crocs. I suggest buying a pair if you're trying to expedite this breakup.
5. The Homie Hopper
Now this one takes a lot of cojones and is specially designed for the most savage of girls who aspire to burn all bridges with her soon to be ex. First, you're going to seduce your boyf's best friend. Next, you're going to sleep with him. Finally, you're going to make sure boyf finds out. Voila! You're single and ready to mingle.Too extreme? Take it down a notch by simply flirting with his friends, and casually mentioning how good looking they all have become.
6. Sensitive Sally
Become extremely insecure. Take everything he says way too personally. Sensitivity is your name, and crying is your game. "You think I look nice in this dress? Then what did I look like yesterday in my sweats, you asshole?"
7. The Born Again Virgin
You're about to perfect the art of seduction because your goal is to give blue balls as often as possible. You will learn how to make eating a cheeseburger look sexy. Poor boy has already hit a home run, but now he's stuck in the dug out.
Discretion: Tease turn-ons may vary
8. The Gold Digger
Splitting the check? Absolutely not. You're going to wipe out this kid's bank account and along the way, gain a better wardrobe. Begin suggesting how imperative it is to your relationship that he maintains a certain lifestyle for the two of you. Maybe put pressure on his future career goals. Pay for nothing. Demand everything. Sit back and relax, and put your crown on.
9. The Nut Case
This one allows more room for creativity because you can become anything you deem insane. The main objectives are to call almost every second of the day until he answers. Especially when you're drunk. Leave voicemails because those are always fun. Text him unnecessary updates on your life. Don't let him see his friends. Look through his messages, social media, phone log. Question everything. Paranoia and jealousy are your friends. Welcome them.
10. The Sketch Ball
If he's asking a question you don't need to lie about, lie anyway. And most importantly, lie poorly. Be as sketchy as possible when it comes to other guys including but not limited to: lying about your past, Snapchatting every guy you know, flirting with other guys both in front and behind his back. Leave enough evidence for suspicion, but never conviction. He'll leave half convinced you were having an affair the whole time.
