Some of us will know what it's like to belong to an ethnically challenged family. If you've ever seen My Big Fat Greek Wedding, it may shock you for me to say that most of what Toula and her family do are extremely similar to how modern Greek families function - except for the whole "Windex" obsession, that's just them.
Number one: leaving to go anywhere...
ANYWHERE - the mall, a friend's house, the supermarket, or college - this happens. Being a freshman, the whole college thing is very new to my family. Greek mothers try to avoid thinking about their little birds leaving the nest at all costs: be it a 20-minute car drive, or 7,042 miles (in my case).
Number two: EVERY MEAL EVER.
Being full is not an option. Not being hungry is, also, not an option.
When Greeks are happy, they eat. When Greeks are sad, they eat. When Greeks are full, THEY EAT.
Never utter the words “I’m hungry” at Yiayia’s house unless you want her to make enough food to feed four armies. Also, never get involved in a fight over the last piece of food, not for who is going to eat it, but for who is going to force someone else to eat it.
Number three: church every Sunday is essential.
Never tell your Yiayia you missed church this past Sunday unless you want her to die of sadness. Also, the word “atheist” is strictly off limits, unless you want to be disowned.
Number four: family events get CRAZY.
My family consists of an infinite number of first cousins, second cousins, third cousins… etc. Image that at a party. All Greeks need to come to terms with the fact that they will never personally know all of their cousins, there are too many. Additionally, never bother Yiayia while she’s cooking for a family get-together, she is under a lot of stress, cooking for hundreds of people.
Number five: everything that isn't Greek is wrong.
It’s that simple. A bundt cake will never compare to a nice piece of baklava in my family’s eyes. When my Papou came to visit from Greece, he refused to eat anything that wasn’t Greek or cooked by my Yiayia. Nothing was good enough.
Number six: it is never too early in the day for ouzo.
Ouzo at 12:00 p.m. is a normal thing. That’s why we have mesimeri: to sleep it off and then get drunk all over again at night. Okay, not every Greek likes to take Ouzo shots 24/7, but most of them will at least have a few glasses of Greek wine.
Number seven: dating.
Not Greek? Not good enough. For all Greek women out there, we all know our family’s mentality – Greek men are the only men. Really though, if you attempt to bring a xeno home, lord help you (see gif above^). I’m pretty sure my family sent me to college with the expectation of finding a Greek husband…
Number eight: philosophical discussions.
Well… the Greeks did invent philosophy, so I guess it’s only expected. Greeks will turn any conversation into a philosophical lesson for their children: don’t argue because you will be proven wrong. Their advice is always in the form of a proverb, or some weird – but interesting – story. FYI, never ask a Greek about their personal life, we will go on for days because we have no filter.
Number nine: we know how to turn up.
Weddings. They get insane. Ouzo, dancing, meat. You can’t go wrong.
My Big Fat Wedding does a great interpretation of how it’s really like. And people get LOUD. You have all your 1,017 cousins in the same room at the same time, your uncles and aunts, grandparents, god family, and any other random person who is Greek enough to be invited.
Number ten: patriotism.
Last but not least, patriotism. Even though my family gets a little crazy sometimes, crazy can be good.
I am so proud to be who I am and to be Greek. I belong to one of the beautiful countries in the world; filled with some of the most genuinely nice, kind-hearted, welcoming people I have ever met. Although the kids in school made fun of my “weird” name or “gross” food, I’m the one laughing now, because now they all want to vacation in my country.
