Ever wanted to become a fantastic singer just like your favorite musicians? Well, now you can! With just a few easy steps and a couple of decades of training, you too can be just like them!

(Disclaimer: After speaking with my lawyer, he said it would be advisable to tell people that this is satire, as the steps given here can be harmful to your voice if followed. so...WARNING: This article is satire and should not be taken as a serious series of tips or a guide to singing. Vocal damage could occur if these instructions are taken seriously.)

1. Get relaxed

Slouch those shoulders, put your hands in your pockets, and lean back, it's time to sing!

2. Take a seat

Sitting has been anatomically proven to be the best position to sing in, so find that favorite lazy chair!

3. Lean forward

Leaning forward directs the sound to your audience and makes you seem louder.

4. Shallow breathing

It isn't unusual to have your shoulders move up and down as you sing, just make sure your breathing is shallow and loud, stopping to breathe about every few measures.

5. Sing through your nose

Your nasal cavities cover a surprising about of your face. Use them for extra resonance.

6. Breathy is better

Who needs a voice filter when you can sound breathy all by yourself?

7. Drink milk before singing

Drinking milk before you sing creates a barrier that will let you sing longer without tiring.

8. Chew gum while signing

Chewing gum makes your breath fresher and, therefore, will make the music sound better. Pretty simple.

9. Make up your own words

Let's be honest, you never did bother to learn the real lyrics. Besides, yours are much better.

10. The worse it sounds to you, the better it sounds to us

Or something like that. I should pay better attention to my voice lesson teacher...