Coming out of the closet is never an easy experience for anyone. It isn't just a one-time experience either. It can be something you could experience everyday when you meet new people, and that fact can be very daunting for any LGBT+ person. For myself, the process of actually "coming out" took about a year, and throughout that year I learned a lot about not only coming out to your family, but with everyone. These are some of the tips that I took to heart during the entire process.
1) Accept yourself for who you are, fully. This could be the hardest part, but understand that your sexual orientation is just one part of you! Coming out as LGBT+ does not change the person you are, it just explains a piece of who you are as a whole. Though some people in your life may not accept this fact, there are plenty of resources, like the It Gets Better Project
or your local LGBT+ center, that can give you a foundation of people willing to help you through this process.2) Never come out because someone is forcing you to. If you are being pressured from someone in your life, whether it is a friend, family, or partner, never come out just because they want you to. The decision to tell someone about this is your choice, and yours alone. Being forced to come out is not only scary, but it could also be more harmful for yourself in the process.
3) Have someone with you that you trust when you come out. Coming out to someone in your life can show sides of people you never knew existed. Some people simply won't accept you and might react unfavorably, even violently. You should ask a friend or accepting family member if they could be with you to make sure you are safe, and allow you to stay with them if you can no longer stay at the house you're in.
4) Ask for support from a group or a person throughout this process. Coming out can be scary, but having a strong group of friends can make a great difference. If you're friends aren't willing to support you, find new ones at a local LGBT+ center or even online! Knowing that people will be there for you if coming out to your family or a person goes bad will give you more courage.
5) If talking about it seems too hard, try writing a letter. This method helped me come out to some of the most important people in my life. Speaking about this issue can be emotional, and if you think that you wont be able to speak about it well, write a letter to the person. If telling people in person is something you absolutely want to do, you could use the letter as a script to read from.
6) The right time to come out is the time that you choose. Before I came out, I constantly asked myself the question about when it is the right time, especially when it came to my family. But the answer to that is, there is no real right time. The best time to do it is when you feel ready and comfortable to.
7) Only come out to people you actually want to come out to. Throughout my experience, I thought that I would have to come out to absolutely everyone, or I would be marked as a bad lesbian, but that is not true. The only people you have to come out to are the people of your own choosing. You do not have to feel obligated to tell everyone in your life, because it is your own choice.
8) Choose your own way to come out. People might tell you how not to come out and the ways you should do it, but don't take everything you hear to heart. Want to come out over a glass of wine with the other person? Awesome. Want to bake a rainbow cake and make it a fabulous event? That's great. Want to have a sit-down conversation about it? Fantastic. The only person that knows how to come out is you, and only you can choose the way you want to do it.
9) There is no deadline. Coming out could take just weeks, or it could take years. If you come out to your immediate family, that does not mean that you absolutely have to come out to your extended family right after. It is more than okay to take your own time with coming out. The only timeline you need to follow is the one you make for yourself.
10) Know that the only approval you need is your own. Some people you come out to might not accept you, and while that will hurt, it will eventually be okay. You do not need approval from anyone when you come out. If someone doesn't accept your sexual orientation, that does not mean that your sexual orientation isn't valid. As long as you accept yourself for who you are, no one can tell you what to think about yourself.
While coming out can be a scary process, understand that it truly does get better. There are plenty of people inside and outside the LGBT+ community who are more than willing to not only help you through this process, but become a lifelong friend in the process. You are not alone, and there is nothing wrong with you for being LGBT+. If there are people in your life that still aren't supportive even after you have come out, find new people in your life who will be more supportive and in turn make you a happier person. To find other resources for coming out and support, The Human Rights Campaign, Youtube, and It Gets Better Project
are just a few places that helped in my coming-out story. And lastly, know that I, along with the all of LGBT+ people in the world, are very proud of you.
