Christmas time has come and gone once again, so I've gone through another season of people asking me "So, what do Jewish people do on Christmas?" Or "Merry Christmas Max!... Oh wait, you're Jewish... Never mind." Although my mom's birthday is on Christmas, as far as the actual holiday goes, it's just another day for me.
It's not like I hate Christmas because I don't celebrate it, but while all my friends are opening presents and having family dinners, my christmas is spent a little differently. And nobody can portray that better than the cast of my favorite TV show of all time, "That 70's Show".
1. When People Wish Me A Merry Christmas
After hearing this for 18 years, it gets on my nerves a little bit. I always answer "Merry Christmas to you too" but I really just want to say:
2. Once They Realize They Messed Up
Everyone instantly tries to make me feel better by complimenting me.
3. But, Like Red, I Don't Take That Crap
4. Getting Hyped For The Holidays
Chanukah is earlier than Christmas 9 out of 10 times. So whenever someone asks me if I'm excited for Christmas, and I have nothing else to look forward to, I'm about as eccentric as pastor Dave...
5. When People Ask Me What I Do On Christmas
Leo has the right idea...6. When I'm asked If I Believe In Santa Clause
I'm Jewish... Of course I don't believe in Santa.
7. Chanukah Bush?
For some reason, everyone thinks that instead of a Christmas tree Jews have a Chanukah bush. In my case... it's true. But, when someone makes a quick joke, I'll defend it as quick as Kitty will defend her tree.
8. When The Latkes are Offended
So help me, if someone asks if hash browns and latkes are the same thing...Our conversation will very quickly end.
9. "Is There A Jewish Version Of Eggnog?"
Ok, first off, I don't think Jesus drank eggnog when he was born.. since when is it a specifically Christian drink? So, no there isn't... but if you add rum to any drink you can make it special.
10. If Someone Asks If I Have To Eat Kosher Just On Chanukah...
If I don't eat Kosher during the year, why would that change for two weeks in December? I'll eat all the godd*mn bacon I want.
I've gotten asked all of these questions at one point or another, and while it isn't really that big of a deal, people's reactions, and how different they think our holidays are is pretty funny. I hope you enjoyed your holidays this year and celebrated how Leo would want you to.
