As a broke college student whose bank account constantly looks more like a GPA, I had to get a job to survive. I chose to become a server. It's been almost 2 years since I started serving now and I've come to learn the most annoying things that guests can say/do while you're waiting on them.
1. Not letting you finish your entire "greet" line before blurting out something they need.
Yes, I get it. You're dying of thirst/wanting bread/wanting the special menu because you're cheap af. Well, I would at least like to tell you my name and what our specials are at the moment or even offer you some alcohol so you can chill out and so that I don't get fired for not offering it anyway. When I'm in the middle of telling you my name or any specials, please for the love of all that is holy, don't interrupt me.
2. Repeatedly asking for more bread, and getting mad when you forget it.
If you are a server and have never had to work in a restaurant with rolls, bread, chips and salsa, or any kind of complimentary starter, then you are one lucky person. The most annoying thing someone can do is ask if they can have more rolls right after you just brought an entire mountain of them to their table. Yes, it is all about the guest and their satisfaction, but holy hell, YOU'RE NOT MY ONLY TABLE AND THERE ARE OTHER PEOPLE WANTING BREAD IN THIS PLACE TOO.
3. Guzzling down drinks.
I just sat your drinks down and brought you bread. I just finished taking your order and removed menus from the table. I place your order, turn around, and.... every. single. person's. diet coke, sprite, dr. pepper, is gone. In a matter of 3.5 seconds you have finished your entire drink, along with the dang rolls I just brought, and now you're mad because you sat there for a second too long with your drink empty. Don't blame me for your stupidity in ordering fountain drinks that I have to refill by the glass instead of something like tea that I can put in a pitcher and carry around.
4. Telling you they're ready and taking 12 years to order anyway.
Hi, so yeah, you told me you were ready and then you had 6.2 million questions to ask, and then still couldn't decide...what part of "I'm ready to order" is hard to understand in your mind? I mean there are only 4 of you so I should already be done but actually, wait, is that a gray hair? Have I been standing here this long already? If you tell your server you're ready to order, seriously be ready. They could have already refilled drinks at other tables, and had time to steal some food from the back and eat it in the amount of time you took when you took forever to spit out what you're gonna eat.
5. SPECIAL. SALADS.
I don't know about other restaurants, but where I work, if there aren't side salads pre-made in the salad cooler, you're making them. If it's not a busy night/day at work and you don't have a salad person, you're making every caesar and every special salad. So for those of you who like to come in and say "I want a salad with no tomato, extra cucumber, and exactly 4.25 onion slices with the croutons and the dressing on the side" every time you say things like that I secretly hope you choke on the .25 of that onion because holy cow that's a waste of my valuable time.
6. Steak temperatures.
Let's start with what we work with in this area:
a. Rare. A rare steak is going to have a cold red center. It will be "mooing" as most people like to say. If you order rare and tell me it's not done enough I will want to throw it on the ground, pick it back up, and then take it back to my grill cook because the whole point in ordering it rare is it not being done.
b. Medium Rare. A medium rare steak will have a warm red center, which is the perfect way to eat any steak if you ask me. Most people don't complain about this temp because if you order it this way you know your meat.
c. Medium. A medium cook temp will be a warm pink center throughout the entire steak. Not brown on the outside around it, but pink through it all. Do not order medium and ask me if I can cook it up more. My grill guys are gonna be pissed because they cooked the perfect medium steak when you really wanted med well. Any temperature over medium and you don't have a steak to eat anymore, you're eating jerky.
d. Medium Well. A medium well steak is the most common temperature ordered. Medium well gives you a thin line of pink through the center and most people like eating beef jerky instead of steaks, obviously.
e. Last but not least, well done. If you tell me "I want my steak well done, but not burnt." I'm gonna wanna throw something at you. Average cook time for a well done steak depends on grill temp. Well done steaks get forgotten about until they look well done. So I'm sorry your steak took so long, but you did that to yourself.
Now that we understand temperatures, don't get mad when your rare-med rare steak comes out before your salad when I'm busy, I will bring it to you or get you a hot side. Don't get mad when you meant med well but said medium. And definitely don't get mad when you say well done and it comes out burnt. Capiche?
7. The Million Dollar Joke.
After I've given you your food, and we've argued about your steak temperature, I will ask you if there is anything else I can get you. PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY DO NOT SAY A MILLION DOLLARS. I really hate to break it to you, but if I had a million dollars I would NOT be waiting on you. Yes of course I'll laugh and cut up with you about it, but if you knew how many times I've heard that you would just not.
8. "Can I get some more ranch?"
The first time you ask me that I will bring you a 4oz ramekin in hopes that you won't ask for more. When that ramekin is empty and you're still asking for more, I start to wonder what in the world you're doing with so much ranch. Like did you put a straw in it? Geez.
9. The Bill
As I'm laying your check down on the table DO NOT TELL ME YOU DON'T WANT IT, DO NOT TELL ME YOU THOUGHT I WAS PAYING FOR IT, AND DO NOT HAND ME A COUPON LAST MINUTE. I will definitely laugh and cut up with you about your bill, but that's only because I want an extra 10-15 bucks to be left over and you to tell me to keep the change because of how awesome I am. And the coupon thing. It's one thing to hand it to me early so that I have time to find my manager for him to discount it so you aren't waiting 20 years for me to get it done while you and your 6 kids are ready to leave.
10. The Tip.
I've joked with you, let you hit on me, played with your kids, cleaned up your spilled drink, brought you everything you needed, and waited on you hand and foot. Your bill was almost $100 and the right thing to do would be to leave at least 20% because I rocked your socks off and you bragged on me to my face and to my manager.
You leave me $5...
YES THANK YOU SO MUCH SIR BECAUSE YOUR VERBAL TIPS ARE TOTALLY GONNA PAY ALL OF MY BILLS. Not. If you can't eat out, and tip, there's a McDonald's for that.
The next time you go to a restaurant, thank your server, be courteous, don't argue with them, remember they have a lot to do and you aren't their only table, tip appropriately, and DO NOT TELL THE MILLION DOLLAR JOKE.
